Sunday, February 01, 2009

So I'm following the herd...

Many years ago I created my "random quotes" book. It has kept me and others very entertained. Anytime I hear a random saying, or funny encounter... any humorous moment, I try to remember to write it down in my book for later enjoyment. So...instead of making up 25 things about myself I'm going to write 25 (or more) of what I consider to be the top humorous things in my book. DISCLAIMER... I understand not all of these will be funny to you. Some were funny in context and may not make sense if you werent there. But they were all funny to me at one point. Also. I apologize if you are quoted and it is embarrassing 

Before I start the quotes... I MUST begin with this picture:
#1:




This is my dad's senior picture. Other than the fact that this is a GREAT photo scanned from the "dictograph" of 1971, notice the name. His given birth name was Larry, not Lawrence. Poor chap.


Now the quotes:

2. "What do we know about strangers? That they want to hurt us and kill us with their candy" –Joe boyd. VCC

3. "Let’s put it this way, if I adopt Travis he’ll be your step bro and all you’ll be able to do is play ball and go skating" – my dad

4. "I need to call someone that has cancer" –my mom (the start of the random quotes book)

5. "It doesn’t matter how old a brotha is.. he is always cut!" –KTB

6. "I think my man of integrity got lost and won’t stop and ask for directions" –CT

7. "I just want to google so many things!" – Dyah

8. "Tiger, too bad its not the future…. LAZER CATS!!" –Jimi

9. "Why would anyone hate coldplay? That’s like hating a little lamb" –Lindsay

10. "It’s okay… I won’t bite, I left my teeth in the car" (this is a for real statement made by a
lady who knocked on my car window needing gas for her car).

11. "Quien.. Que… Cuando… so why do they call it ty-cuando?"- Kati.. learning spanish :)
"Um.. I think its TY KWAN DOE" -me

12. "Nice man bag" "Thanks, I call it a 'murse'". –Scotty

13. "That’s better than getting kicked in the butt with a baseball shoe" (my 75 year old uncle).

14. "If you ever get tired, pull over and let someone else drive. Don’t wait until you start seeing pink elephants run across the road" –KTB’s mom

15. “You died part of your hair.. it looks cute, what did you use?” –me talking to an 8 year old girl from my parents’ church. Her response: “Thanks, I used my mom’s mustache stuff”. (CLASSIC).

16. "The dog is forever in the push up position" –Scotty

17. "I don’t know much about music.. but you know what I DO know about? Robes… they are sweet" –KTB

18. "Have you ever google-earth searched Bin Laden? I’m know I’m gonna find him!" –my mom.. of course.

19. (From me to Lindsay) “So you first said ‘I love you’ at a bowling alley…with the smoky room and sweaty… balls…?"

20. Lindsay: "Were you ever diagnosed for your ADD?"
Travis: "No, I was too busy doing something else"

21. "I HATE PUBERTY!" –spoken by a 23 year old male.

22. "The Washington Memorial… it was shaped like that because, well, I don’t remember why" –dad. “That’s what she said” –me

23. Funny conversation when my aunt called my house and my sister answered the phone like this:
“Hola? Valesques residence”
My aunt: “Hello?”
Lindsay “Hola?........ This is the Ralston’s”
Aunt: “Oh.. I thought this was the Chinese restaurant”

24. From 30 rock: “Who is Conan O’Brien and why is she so sad?”

25. "I really like these cars. Especially the overhead viewing stations" –my 85 year old grandmother

26. "I’m sick of weddings and don’t know what to wear… I think I’m gonna no-shirt rebel to this one"


27. “If there was such a thing as a ‘smell track’, this would be it for our life”. (me to travis after he farts)


28. Dan gently touches Travis’ hand. Travis says: “Dan… I’m confused”


*Ok so it was 28.... I'm sure there are many more.. perhaps I will post some along the way as they happen. It brings me great joy to read back over some of these.

And thats all.