isn't this awesome...

___+88________I_LOVE_YOU_!!______!________________________________
___+880__________________________________________________________
___++88__________________________________________________________
___++88__________________________________________________________
____+880_________________________++______________________________
____+888________________________+88__ ____________________________
____++880______________________+88_______________________________
____++888_____+++88__________+++8________________________________
____++8888__+++8880++88____+++88__________________________________
____+++8888+++8880++8888__++888___________________________________
_____++888++8888+++888888++888____________________________________
_____++88++8888++8888888++888______________________________________
_____++++++888888888888888888______________________________________
_____++++++88888888888888888_______________________________________
_____++++++++000888888888888______________________________________
______+++++++000088888888888______________________________________
_______+++++++00088888888888______________________________________
________+++++++088888888888_______________________________________
________+++++++088888888888_______________________________________
_________+++++++8888888888________________________________________
_________+++++++0088888888________________________________________
_________++++++0088888888_________________________________________
_________+++++0008888888__________________________________________


For those of you who think I'm a psyco for taking the time to do that... I didnt.
I actually got if off someone's webpage or something.

Much love...

...

i miss scotty

For Kristyn...

Don't get jaded now
Cause it ain't over
Before you know somehow
we're going to find some closure
I've been unwound
but I won't break
and I have found
it's not too late

So, don't get jaded now
the sun will rise
don't get jaded now
we will survive
don't get jaded now
we're still alive

i'm in need of resurrection
won't you please
bring new direction
cause, all my faith is nearly gone
and i'm so tired of holding on

but, don't get jaded now
the sun will rise
don't get jaded now
we are alive
don't get jaded now
we will survive

And oh it's been great trip
getting here
we all got lost in music
then came fear
and i'm so scared
but i can't be scared

i will make it through
you will make it through
i will make it through
yeah we'll make it through

don't get jaded now
don't get jaded now

i'm not scared
hold on
don't get jaded now the sun will rise

Jaded- Bleach

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
You'll make it through
i love you

HAPPY EASTER

I think I'm finally starting to be able to live life outside of Israel. Like all Ive done sinc eI've gottne back is show people pictures and talk about the trip. Ever since I got back from Israel i feel ive developed alot of cynical feelings about some things about church and certain people. I hated myself for how I've been feeling. Some people can think that way about things and it works for them. It doesnt for me. It completely tears up my head. ANd Ive totlaly been negative on things lately. Like YEC last wkend. Its always fun. but this year i wasnt even that excited. I enjoy the worship there so much every year but its like this year i totally closed myself off from any kind of touch from the spirit. I was numb to the whole thing and i couldnt make myself be real and worship. But its been like that for like a week and a half- not just yec.
Last night my dad was sort of in a bad mood and he blew up at me and said Ive been so negative lately and i never wanna do anything anymore. And its true. I have been like that. And i definitly havent been very pleasent around the fam. So last night i had to have a chat with the heavenly daddy and i thinkj we've worked things out.
I really enjoyed the easter service today. I think its sortof weird how some people only come to church on holidays like easter adn others dont come to church because its easter and theres too many people. But its not about the people. Its about the father. I would think us christians would be excited about easter. But appearantly not all are. You dont have to be so cynical. Not all christians are phony. Look inside them, dont just label everyone.

I love you

praise God for his son.
and his forgiveness.

Israel

Okay here goes the Israel rant...

The ENORMOUS question on everyone's mind is: Am I a changed person from this trip?

I dont know. Am I? Do you think I am? I went to places taht Jesus probably walked and I'm supposed to come back a different person? Maybe I have a better understanding about where and why things happened, but a changed person? I really dont know...

Its so different being there. All of my expectations and images in my mind of how things were supposed to look were soon demolished when they collided with the reality of the busyness and uncertain theories about where things happened. Its just crazy at some places. Take the Via Dolorosa, for example. (Thats the path Christ took before he was crucified.) THis is one place that in my mind was held so sacred. WHen we got there the whole way down the path was trampled with merchants trying to sell things and garbage lining the streets. It was discusting through there. So many people are so excited about hearing what it was like to see where jesus was crucified. I honestly wish I wouldnt have seen it. It really was interesting and all, but I would have rather kept it untouched in my imagination.
And the longer I was there, but not fully wanting to be at the time, I was thinking about how symbolic the busyness was...Its like God planned it that way so we would sort of understand how it was back then...trashy, exploited. Nobody cared. He was just another man to be crucified. They didnt understand.
Its not meant to be seen as a quiet, sacred place. Because thats not how its ever really been. How i saw it was probably a pretty good representation of how it was back in the day.

Many people were also excited that i was going to see the tomb (although there were a few theories ab. which was the real one). Its cool to be there and to see it and all, but it doesnt reallly matter if its real. HE'S NOT THERE. Its so not about any of the places we went to. Its about what happened there and why. One guy said that if God really wanted us to know where jesus was actually crucified and buried then he wouldve given us enough hints in the bible to find out. Again, it doesnt matter where it was, its WHY.

I apologize if nobody is following this.

So maybe I did change how I view things. I can now read stories in the bible and actually visualize where they happened. That is really cool. It makes the bible really come alive for me. It helps me to see these things as actual historical events instead of action packed fairy tales.

I would definitly say Israel was a success. At first when asked if I'd ever go back I replied with a harsh "HECK NO". But being back and thinkgin about all that we experienced, I think I'd ALMOST definitly go back. There is always more to learn. It was a great experience and i wouldnt trade it for anything in the world. I also had awesome girls with me which made it SO much fun. I'll try to post more pics later when i figure it all out..

Peace out


i just want to party all the time

Excuse me

I have been experimenting with the pic thing... i didnt know it was actually going to publish that picture, i didnt mean to do it.
That is a palace carved out of rock in Petra, Jordan..by the way.

The Palace 

Back

I AM alive. When I feel like pouring out my heart I'll let you know.