AGAIN!!

SO.... we went wedding dress shopping yesterday! My mom, lindsay and my grandma from colorado were with me. It was fun but also made me anxious. We went to Davids bridal and I tried alot on. I liked almost all of them and ended up with a top 3 with 2 others on my mind. But honestly I never had a "THIS ONE IS IT!" moment with any of them... maybe my expectations were too high? or too low? or maybe I didnt have any and that was the problem? When I went home, though, i kept on thinking about the 2nd dress that I had tried on that I really liked but the color of the beading was different than what I would prefer. But thinking about it and looking at it in the magazine and looking it up online again.... I think it may jsut be my top favorite.. and to think it wasnt even in my top 3! This is crazy that I am buying a wedding dress. I was watching some wedding shows on tv today and I was just not excited at all... it sounds horrible. I hate planning... I hate having all the attention on me... I'm not a good dancer (which kinda terrifies me). The more i htink about it the more I wish I would have gone with my initial gut instinct to do a destination wedding and invite only fam and close friends. I hate the fact that there will be people at my wedding that I really dont care are there... that I have to invite bc my mom is friends with them or bc we have known them my whole life. So enough about all that... even I am getting sick of hearin and talking about it!!! Life will be a big adjustment for me when we are married... i know a lot of things will hit me hard. But I think I am ready.... as much as I could think I am ready I guess. I have a brilliant man who loves me and would do absolutely anything for me... and whom I also love unconditionally (which is a miracle for me to find someone and not want to run away). He is responsible and smart with money and will take care of me and teach me a lot about being an adult and not living in a house full of people as the youngest child. I'm ready for it because I love him and life brings change and blessings and its time for me to live my own life and stop living inside of others. Not to say I wont still have a life with friends and family... i just mean it will be MY life... I mean OUR life. We will be starting a family with me and him. You dont have to have children for it to be a family. and i will be with him "until death do us part" because I CHOOSE him. We choose eachother. We understand that love is not only a feeling it is a choice. If I could only get one thing out of marriage, it would be that through loving Travis and being loved in return, I would somehow come close to wrapping my mind around God's unconditional love for us.

Christmas is coming. Be joyful.

HELLO

Hey friends. I am still alive. I have finals this week: one wed and one thurs then I will be on BREAK!!! You dont know how excited I am to be free from this for 3 weeks!! Well I will have some stuff to do but wow how I can almost feel freedom :) Its been a crazy household as usual.. so linz moved out in aug, brett& trishia moved back in in october and stayed for 4 weeks then moved to alabama, dan moved out a couple weeks ago (to FL with linz).. brett and trishia are back (just visiting) as of last week and will be here till like the 20th, my g-parents got in town last sat and are leaving the 22nd, linz&dan are coming sunday and are staying through the new year. Did you get all that? Its just a swinging door. Oh and I'll be here until the end of Aug :) As far as wedding planning goes we have the reception booked and I have been workign on the never ending guest list (hoping for no more than 350... preferably less). When linz gets here next week we will be going dress shopping.. which will make it a lot more real, I'm sure, than it feels to me now. Still not compeltely sure about colors or decor, although I do have a few changing ideas, but I'm hoping to see a bridesmaid dress in a certain color and just know thats what I want. Can I just say that planning is so not my forte. I told Travis that I will try not to complain about anything and be excited... its just I see all the stuff we have to do and I get overwhelmed and dont want to do anything. But I have alot of good support around me willing to help so I really should just be thankful for that. Oh and we have chosen a honeymoon... or should I sayy that travis and my mom chose a honeymoon and I looked at it when they decided :) And for the huge news.... Travis went to see his dad and stepmom for thanksgiving and they said they want to pay for the rehearsal dinner AND the HONEYMOON!! I could not believe it!! Such a blessing! That takes off so much pressure.
And as far as the party people goes.. we are keeping it short and sweet... my side is linz, and my cousins emily and megan. His side is his brother tyler, our friend neal and my bro in law dan. We would like to of course have my brother and trishia but they are leaving for africa in june for a year. They are going to try to set up Skype or something online to be able to watch a live feed of the wedding from africa :) Should be interesting.
So other than school, fam, and wedding planning I havent had much time to thnk about much else. But I have been missign my friends! And I hope you all are well.

LOVE YOU ALL hope to see you soon.

Engaged!

SO>.. I am engaged!! You should all know that by now. It happened on Sat, Oct 11 and I've told you all the story. So now is time to plan.. date is set for Aug 29. Can I just say that I hate planning things? And there is so much to go into this! I am lucky however to have so many people in my life willing to help out. And my mom is great.. but there are times when she wants to be too great and plan things or has ideas assuming that I will like it.. but not actually asking me. But overall we are okay. I've been thinking about certain ideas but will actually wait to do the big things.. like dress shopping until december when I have some time off and my sister will be in town. Thats when I think it will really hit me... and everyone else. My sis-in-law took some "engagement" type pics on saturday which I may use for invitations (Im thinking about making myself) and/or table displays. Here are a couple... when I upload them all I will send you all a link to see the rest...

books and life

i miss my girls.

So a couple of weeks ago I was walking through a book store wasting time and found this book:

I was intrigued and started flipping through it. The subtitle is "what you need to know about the inner lives of men". I was really just interested to see if there was actually anything in it that i didnt know about (I tend to pretend/think i know everything). Shockingly there were things I never knew! Even more interested now, I grabbed this other book:

Thinking "this should be good... what kind of crap are they telling the guys that we are like". So i started looking through it and ended up relaly liking both books and thinking that my man really needs to read it.

So I went home and found them on amazon.com ($10 each... $5 less than at the store) and bought them both. I told T about the books and he seemed to like the idea.. so what we did was read the opposite books (like i read the one about females and he read the one about males) and wrote sidenotes to things that really pertained to us and whatnot.. when we finished we switched and read the other. I got a lot out of reading the book about men and actually it made me think alot about why i do, say, think certain things after I read the one about women. So basically I would recommend you reading them if you are single, dating, or married. It opened my eyes like how to approach my man in certain situatoins and how to respect him, etc.

So girlies I hope we can have a girls night soon to catch up.. if not then someone else needs to plan something another time. I miss our time together. and I'd like to tell you more about how amazing my man is... and hear all about life for you the last couple of months!

I love you all and miss you.

who's a hippie?

So most of you have seen me since my recent hair chopping experience but just thought I would post the before and after pics::

Before:

AFTER:



I also wanted to add some pics of my adorable cousinS:

Reese(2) and Reagan(3)

And this one is Jade. She was only a couple days old when this pic was taken (she was only like 5 lbs!). so precious:

surprise trip

So.... most of you know I got my hair chopped... FINALLY. I've been talking aboutit forever and finally it happened. And I like it. A lot.
In other news I am leaving for FL again tomorrow! It was a very last minute decision but I am going to visit lindsay... I'lll be back saturday morning but at least I get some time with her. She is there by herself until daniel joins her in oct or nov bc he is staying here to work with my dad. So I am excited but I've also had a lot to do to prepare for school which starts in 2 wks and to get some other stuff done before I go. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is going by myself... I'd rahter have company during the 1.5 hr layover in atlanta... which isnt so bad tho. Could be much longer and worse.
Aight yo I gotsta go. I will talk to you all soon. LOVE YOUS.

my heart

Hello old friends. I'm sorry I do not say it enough but I love you. And despite what you may think I do miss you. I never wanted to be that person to get a boyfriend and disappear. But I realize to some of you thats probably how you think of me. Well for one thing, do understand that around the same time Travis came into my life I started a new job and a new school (and I also became more involved at the vineyard). And those alone have taken up much of my life this past year. Of course Travis is a large part of why I have been away because I can see him usually the same time i can see anyone else.. on the wkends and no offense to any of you but I just want to squeeze in as much time with him as possible. Bc to be honest with you.. I love him. And everyday we are together we are learning more about one another and I love him more as time goes on. I dont know if I hid it well or not but for a long time I longed for someone. Someone to love and trust to give my heart away to. I feel like GOd kept me from serious relationships to prevent me from getting into trouble and also getting my heart broken. Last year he finally said (well how I took it) "ok... here is your man.. now you can have him... you are ready". Well, maybe I wasn't ready just then bc we only lasted a couple months and kinda broke it off bc we both had a lot going on in our lives at the time. But that whole time apart I longed for him and my heart was crushed. I couldnt imagine my life without him. I think I realized that around Thanksgiving bc even with family around, I felt so alone. And we werent even dating then but we were talking on the phone everyday, or a couple times a day. A month or so later we decided to give it a go again and it hasnt been perfect but I am 100% certain that he is my gift from God and that I am not to ruin this great thing we have. We have such great communication with eachother and are learning a lot of patience and understanding, along with much contentment for where we are in our lives. (prayer for continued patience, understanding and contentment would be great from any of you!) We have grown so much together within even the last couple weeks and I am so excited that he is mine! (well, Gods.. but I claim him too). I apologize for doing a poor job of bringing him around and letting you all get to know him. If you havent been around him enough to decide yet... just trust me on this one. You all know how cautious I have been of dating (some may even say i was against it). He is amazing and is everything I am not: outgoing, responsible, determined, a leader, excited about life. But he is contagious so I hoping to catch some of those qualities :) . He is also so good looking (he has these cute little dimples when he smiles), loves people, gets along so well with the fam, is so genuine, honest, caring. I'm sorry.. I could go on for hours. I hope none of you have puked from my girly-mushiness. You'll get over it :)
I can't promise things are going to be much different within this next year as far as my absence within the group. I would hope I can see you all more, especially now that i have a couple wks of summer b4 school starts back (aug 19). But when fall hits I will be back into the books and probably crying alot bc its going to be difficult and I have a constant fear in the back of my head that I will fail this program and I have no plan B.




..I love you, I miss you, and I plan to see you soon. And chrissialice... I have not forgotten the reds tickets but I have been forgetting to pay you. Please email me your address again so I can send you some moneys.



Heres a couple favs from FL:









I hope you learn to love him. He is so my blessing sent from God.

summer vacation

Check out pics from Sarasota: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sabeth


so much fun!!

summertime

I am leaving for Sarasota, FL tomorrow!! I'll be returning next fri (7/11) and I'll update everything after that :) I love you!

Oh and Chrissi... here are mothers day pics for you.... thanks for the reminder :)


Travis and a cow (lots of farmland in Northern ohio)



The mom and stepdad:


Me and his mom:



Just us:




Love you all. Will update soon.

mom's day

So Sunday--mother's day--Travis and I left at 7am and drove 3 hrs to see his mom for mother's day. So that is why I was not there for Katie's bday on sunday. It was my first time meeting his mom.. and really anyone in his family. We went to eat after church and his mom invited like his whole family! So I got to meet his grandma, some aunts and husbands, cousins, stepdad and 2 stepbrothers. It was a good time. After lunch he drove me around to where he used to go to school and play soccer (he's so sentimental and proud of where he came from). Then we went back to his mom's house and talked to her and his stepdad for awhile where they asked me about everything in my life... but I didnt mind. They were so nice and easy to talk to. I had a really good time being there with him. And he was thrilled to finally be able to drive with someone up there.. instead of driving it alone. It really didnt feel like 3 hrs both ways either... i gues we are just good company for eachother :) I wanted to post some picks of us and his mom... when I find my camera cord for my computer I will post some.

Love yous.
How was your mothers day?

i see heart stars

You know how some people say "I'm seeing stars" like when they fall down or whatever? Well.... I see hearts. Or "heart-stars". I feel like I am floating in the clouds with the hearts floating above my head except that I am not in the clouds or daydreaming... or sleeping. I am in real life just being a girl and experiencing an amazing, healthy, such a blessing of a relationship and I have been expressing more honest girly emotions than I have to anyone aside from myself in a VERY long time... if ever. This may seem vague... but you pretty much get what I'm saying. I have me a great guy. And if you dont know him you should.
He's funny. And I like him.

a lot :)



so long jimmy fallon.... theres a new guy in town.. except his name isnt "new guy" its "since 10 months ago" guy. And he's pretty much amazing. so step off. or stomp off...like have a stomp the yard competition.. that would be joyous to watch.

One year down

Just in case anyone read that last blog... I have taken finals and passed my class! The first test didnt go so well but I killed the second one (translation: 96%). Which was pretty much amazing and shocking. So... thanks for the prayers if you sent some my way.

I can see summer just in the distance

So... I have 2 final exams on Tuesday (april 22). I would really appreciate some hardcore prayer for these exams bc passing them kinda determines what my life looks like for the next year. The exams are for my med-surg nursing class that I am not doing well in and if I dont pass I will have to retake this class this time next year which will set me back a year. I know i am fully capable of passing these tests with good grades if I would jsut get my head in the books and retain the information! So... pray I would be rid of negative thoughts and that I will pass these exams next tuesday!!! THanks :)
Love you.

side job

A friend of my mom's started a veil shop online several years ago. Up until a couple of months ago she has photographed her veils, headpieces and jewelry on manakins. She is now wanting to change all her pictures to have real people in them so a couple of weeks ago I modeled for her. Very strange to wear a wedding dress and veil and pose for pictures. If you want to see me in action (well.. not in action.. just sedentary..) here are some links to her site:

http://www.veilshop.com/1-Layer_c_20-1.html;
http://www.veilshop.com/2-Layer_c_13891-1.html;
http://www.veilshop.com/1-Layer_c_17146-1.html

HELLO!!!

Hey all!!!
Wow its been awhile for this. I have not been on it... and these are the times I should be bc I dont see anyone ever.
School.... been rough this semester. TO the point of emotional breakdowns almost every week bc for awhile I thought I would fail out and I would sit and think about plan B for my life but couldnt come up with anything I could see myself doing for the rest of my life for decent money. But the past couple weeks though I've been okay and accepted the fact that God brought me into this program and he will bring me through it.. i just have to trust... and study... alot more than I have been.
Its been good, though. I dont hate the program like i did at the beginning of this semester. I hated it bc at the hospital we have clinical working with adults and elderly and I do not want to work with adults. But it has been really good to learn so much this semester and I like interacting with the patients (most of the time). By now we pretty much have all the nurse's duties with clinical... we give meds (including IVs), give injections, tube feeds, catheters.... etc. It still freaks me out to do much of that but I'm becoming more comfortable as the weeks go on.
I have like 3 more weeks or so of class left then 7 weeks of summer classes... then summer break!! I am totally counting down.... cannot wait to enjoy the sun!!
SPeaking of the sun.... many of you prob dont know that my sis and dan are moving to tampa, FL in the fall bc Linz got accepted into a Grad program there. I am excited for them to make the move and bc I get the basement when they are out :) but I will miss them so much. not like I really get to spend much time with lindsay right now but still.. more than I will when she moves. And it will be so quiet around here! I am tempted to invite ppl to live here bc it will be so boring... just me and the rents. I dont know what my dad will do without daniel... his best friend :) But we'll make it. My parents want to eventually move down there with them in years to come but for me.... dont really see myself down there permanently...we'll see. I'm only 21 and have much more life to live here I think.
THe boy..... Travis and I are doing really well. I admit that I have not found that balance between school, work, family, friends, and boyfriend... if there even is a balance. Its been really difficult. Believe me, last summer I did not look at this school year thinking.... hmm... i think itll be a good idea to start a new school and a relationship at the same time and see how it goes! But at the same time... I wouldnt change it... he has really been a great encouragement throughout all my doubts and breakdowns. ANd we have a lot of fun together. And hey... its been 8 months and I havent run from him :) (my girls.. you know thats big for me.. and I have an explanation/theory as to why). I'm just sorry that I havent shared him with you all... or see much of anyone in the past couple months. I miss you.

I love you all.. and look forward to seeing you and reading updates on your lives!!