AGAIN!!

SO.... we went wedding dress shopping yesterday! My mom, lindsay and my grandma from colorado were with me. It was fun but also made me anxious. We went to Davids bridal and I tried alot on. I liked almost all of them and ended up with a top 3 with 2 others on my mind. But honestly I never had a "THIS ONE IS IT!" moment with any of them... maybe my expectations were too high? or too low? or maybe I didnt have any and that was the problem? When I went home, though, i kept on thinking about the 2nd dress that I had tried on that I really liked but the color of the beading was different than what I would prefer. But thinking about it and looking at it in the magazine and looking it up online again.... I think it may jsut be my top favorite.. and to think it wasnt even in my top 3! This is crazy that I am buying a wedding dress. I was watching some wedding shows on tv today and I was just not excited at all... it sounds horrible. I hate planning... I hate having all the attention on me... I'm not a good dancer (which kinda terrifies me). The more i htink about it the more I wish I would have gone with my initial gut instinct to do a destination wedding and invite only fam and close friends. I hate the fact that there will be people at my wedding that I really dont care are there... that I have to invite bc my mom is friends with them or bc we have known them my whole life. So enough about all that... even I am getting sick of hearin and talking about it!!! Life will be a big adjustment for me when we are married... i know a lot of things will hit me hard. But I think I am ready.... as much as I could think I am ready I guess. I have a brilliant man who loves me and would do absolutely anything for me... and whom I also love unconditionally (which is a miracle for me to find someone and not want to run away). He is responsible and smart with money and will take care of me and teach me a lot about being an adult and not living in a house full of people as the youngest child. I'm ready for it because I love him and life brings change and blessings and its time for me to live my own life and stop living inside of others. Not to say I wont still have a life with friends and family... i just mean it will be MY life... I mean OUR life. We will be starting a family with me and him. You dont have to have children for it to be a family. and i will be with him "until death do us part" because I CHOOSE him. We choose eachother. We understand that love is not only a feeling it is a choice. If I could only get one thing out of marriage, it would be that through loving Travis and being loved in return, I would somehow come close to wrapping my mind around God's unconditional love for us.

Christmas is coming. Be joyful.

HELLO

Hey friends. I am still alive. I have finals this week: one wed and one thurs then I will be on BREAK!!! You dont know how excited I am to be free from this for 3 weeks!! Well I will have some stuff to do but wow how I can almost feel freedom :) Its been a crazy household as usual.. so linz moved out in aug, brett& trishia moved back in in october and stayed for 4 weeks then moved to alabama, dan moved out a couple weeks ago (to FL with linz).. brett and trishia are back (just visiting) as of last week and will be here till like the 20th, my g-parents got in town last sat and are leaving the 22nd, linz&dan are coming sunday and are staying through the new year. Did you get all that? Its just a swinging door. Oh and I'll be here until the end of Aug :) As far as wedding planning goes we have the reception booked and I have been workign on the never ending guest list (hoping for no more than 350... preferably less). When linz gets here next week we will be going dress shopping.. which will make it a lot more real, I'm sure, than it feels to me now. Still not compeltely sure about colors or decor, although I do have a few changing ideas, but I'm hoping to see a bridesmaid dress in a certain color and just know thats what I want. Can I just say that planning is so not my forte. I told Travis that I will try not to complain about anything and be excited... its just I see all the stuff we have to do and I get overwhelmed and dont want to do anything. But I have alot of good support around me willing to help so I really should just be thankful for that. Oh and we have chosen a honeymoon... or should I sayy that travis and my mom chose a honeymoon and I looked at it when they decided :) And for the huge news.... Travis went to see his dad and stepmom for thanksgiving and they said they want to pay for the rehearsal dinner AND the HONEYMOON!! I could not believe it!! Such a blessing! That takes off so much pressure.
And as far as the party people goes.. we are keeping it short and sweet... my side is linz, and my cousins emily and megan. His side is his brother tyler, our friend neal and my bro in law dan. We would like to of course have my brother and trishia but they are leaving for africa in june for a year. They are going to try to set up Skype or something online to be able to watch a live feed of the wedding from africa :) Should be interesting.
So other than school, fam, and wedding planning I havent had much time to thnk about much else. But I have been missign my friends! And I hope you all are well.

LOVE YOU ALL hope to see you soon.