relationships are hard.

This past year has been extremely challenging for many relationships in my family. And for my husband in his family as well. Today is a new day though as I feel I can finally move on past issues my sister and I have been dealing with- by not dealing with. Yesterday we started into a casual conversation which quickly turned into truths being said and feelings hurt on both sides. It blew up into something we both felt was the end of our relationship (we will always be sisters but at that point she chose to not recognize it anymore). As the day went on she started txting me, apologizing and explaining her defensiveness. I realize this is all very vague but the important thing is that at the end of the day we forgave eachother. Our strained relationship began over a year ago. I feel the burden of all those negative emotions lifted from me for the first time. And the biggest way I could tell is that last night I broke down, again, because if I'm not angry with her I worry about her. I hate the fact that she is living in FL alone and stressed with school. I hate that she has felt abandoned by so many. I hate that she is not here with family to talk to when she needs it. And although I probbaly would not have changed how I've acted the past year due to the circumstances, I hate that she has felt that I wasnt here for her..
As strange as it sounds, it is so much easier to be angry and choose to not think about her because it hurts so much less.

Exhaustion

I got home this morning from a long week of work. it has been unusually long. For awhile we were overstaffed and getting cancelled a lot. Now we have 3 nurses off for various reasons and our patient census has been higher so we've been getting all our scheduled hours plus opportunity to pick up more. Well last week I worked (7p-7a shifts) mon, tues, thurs (picked up extra), sat, sun and mon. I also had to go in thurs morning for this 3 hour "education day". So from monday to monday I had worked five 12hr shift (60 hrs) + 3 hrs education= 63 hrs in 7 days. the prob was that my days off were like every other so I never got good rest. Going into work last night I felt prob the worst I ever have- exhaustion wise. I felt like my body was going to shut down. Luckily I got some caffeine in me and was good over night- even this morning I am actually more awake than normal- prob bc my body is on opposite cycle mode.
I dont even mind nightshift sometimes but it really messes with me emotionally. Sometimes I just feel really depressed bc its like I have no energy during the day to do anything and often times i dont get to see anyone. But I expect to be where I am for at least another year or 2. And prob only bc my nightshift buddies. I wouldnt be able to do it w.o my nightshift family- we have to depend on eachother for a lot bc we dont have the resources that they do during the day.
So yes we are all moved into the new house- almost 3 months we've been here. And I LOVE it. I already feel like we've lived here longer than our first place- and we (well, I) were there for 10 months. We are having an open house sat sept 25 at 2pm if youd like to come we will have food so contact me and i can get you directions.

I'm going to be an aunt!! My brother's wife is prego with a baby boy (Grayson Thomas) due mid-december. They will be living in Mason with my parents from beg of nov through beg of feb. I am so excited to have a nephew and experience my parents as grandparents! We all decided my parents will be called CoCo (like cocoa- means grandma) and Baboo (grandpa).. that is what children in kenya call their grandparents and we think its cute.

ill try not to wait so long to update next time but lately i just havent been on the computer much. It goes along with not having energy for AnYthing sometimes.

quote "I just totally laughed at someone who can't feel things"

what's new?

We have the keys to the new house! Its finally becoming reality. We actually got in there on sunday and began cleaning and its amazing how distusting people can live- they had a cat and there was hair EVERYwhere!! Even in the fridge, feezer and oven! Thats been the worst part. Luckily my mom and dad have been there to help- i dont know what we would have done without them. Its amazing what we have gotten accomplished in just 3 days. I think we've finally gotten the kitchen clean, my dad has painted 3 rooms, the basement floor, and multiple ceilings and Travis' dad is coming from out of town to clean the carpets and hardwood floors today (he owns his own carpet cleaning business in Jackson, OH). So the main things I still have to attack are the windows (they need to be de-haired) and bathrooms. Im sure it will be more than that but those are my main to-dos. Its finally beginning to feel like our home. The great thing is that we don't move our things in until saturday so we have this week to clean, paint and desanitize! I really have been feeling OCD cleaning everything... there is just something about other people's grime and nasty that I just cant handle... or believe that they were ok to live in it!! Today I'll prob be finishing up packing and cleaning our place to move out- since the floors at the house will be out of commission. Its weird to think this is my last day here by myself. There are some things about our townhouse I will miss- like my 2nd story back porch with our rocking chairs that is so private- and the fact that if anything goes wrong we just call the owners :) But i really am excited to have a house of our own. its a lot to learn but Travis is all about learning all he can! This is the first time he has ever painted so its a lot of firsts and new experiences for him.. how you go through 26 years without ever having to paint is beyond me- i think i had a brush in my hand at age 10... its been fun though watching the inside of the house transform. I have been taking pics- ill have to post when I have "after" pics to contrast the "before"s.

I need to get busy. Cant wait to have a party at our new HOUSE!!

In the midst of frustrations...

Memorial Day quote:

my mom says to my gma "Why are you wearing a 4th of July shirt on Memorial day?"
my gmas response: "because I couldn't find a shirt with dead people on it"

breathe

I feel emotionally exhausted. It didnt really hit me until I was sitting at dinner tonight with some of my fav non-dramatic people... and I felt this peace.. and realized it was bc life the last few months has just been mentally/emotionally draining. And its not me directly or my marriage- that part is great-- its family mostly.. and sometimes dramatic friends- none that read this (i dont think). Its hard to not get involved when its your own family- and its even worse when the same situation continues on and on-- when you just want to scream ENOUGH! God please end this situation already! But I guess he has his timing and it is somehow perfect to his plan.

God has brought joy into life though too-- more times than one but one in specific is I will be an AUNT this year!! Brett and Trishia are having a baby-due in December!

I just need to try to focus on the positive things and not so much the negatives.
Thanks for reading.

The Accident

The wkend of my dad's accident was a crazy few days. Many have heard this already but for those who have not, or at least not been updated, here we go> so my sister came in town thurs night and friday we hung out (2 wks ago) and were supposed to meet my mom and dad for lunch. My dad was out working, trying to finish up some things before meeting us. My mom was on her way home and called us and said she just got a call from her mom saying my dad was in an accident with a mower and he was taken to university hospital. We had no other information and my mom was hysterical thinking of the worst possible scenerio and praying that God would not take him yet. What had happened was he ended up going over to my grandpa's brother's house to mow- which was weird to all of us bc he doesnt usually mow his house and didnt tell any of us that he was going- he was mowing over a hill and he noticed it was wet and tried to turn around but it was too late and he went straight- which ended up going off a 5-6 ft ledge. He ended up on the gravel ground with the mower on top of him. Almost just as terrible as that was the fact nobody was home.. so he lay pinned under this 800 lb mower for an hr and a half yelling "help" and trying to keep himself awake. His phone was in his sock but he could not reach it. He said he could hear my mom calling him (her ringer is her singing "I love you, I love you, I loooove you") which is heart breaking to imagine that scene. The house next to the one he was at, which was in full view, is a house my parents lived in many years ago-- I think they moved from there when I was 1 or 2 yrs old. He said after awhile he started imagining us as kids playing there and memories from the past to keep his mind off of it and awake. He said it was almost like seeing his life pass before him. It is very hard to imagine him being stuck there with no one around and laying with a mower in top of him. It is terrifying. He fractured 2 ribs on his left side, partially punctured left lung, fractured his right clavicle and some places in his left foot. It was terrible going to see him at university. Only 2 ppl were allowed in at a time. They had him on a stretcher that was too small for him and he was laying there trying to breathe. They had him on that stretcher in the ER for something like 6 hours. 2 of the hours I know we were waiting on his room to be cleaned! I mean seriously I would have gone up to clean it. Wasnt doing us any good to wait around. Anyway... it was terrible. My sis and I wentback together for awhile with him and were coaching him how to catch his breath. Bc of his punctured lung he didnt have full lung capacity and especially anytime he got upset or laughed he couldnt catch his breath. And with us back there he would start to think of how stupid it was that he even went to mow there and he would apologize and start to get upset.. we would try to keep his mind off of it but when we tried we usually would make him laugh which would have the same efffect on his breathing. And God knows we are all appreciative of ppl who care and want to come and make sure he is ok... but seriously when he is in the ER and cant breathe.. its not completely necessary to have visitors that you really havent seen for years. Not like he is in the position to carry on a conversation. We've had ppl say like "I wish we would have known about the accident sooner... we would have come to the hospital". Its really nice and all but he really needed the time to recooperate, ya know? So anyway.. its been about 2 weeks and he is doing much better... still cant walk on that foot for long (nor should he be trying to but he is getting cabin fever). Its hard for him to not be working bc this is the busiest time of the year. My sister's husband daniel has been working for the census job in Georgia the last few weeks and luckily he wasnt too attached and was able to come back up and take over the business for awhile until my dad gets back to norm. He is the only one that knows everything my dad knows about the business bc he's worked with him the last few years.
So now we are trying to keep him in the house and from getting out to work just yet. My mom has some pics of the mower and the rock wall he came off of- she may post on facebook soon if you care to see.

Last wkend (the wkend after the accident) Travis and I went to hocking hills to camp and just ahve a wkend away. I wil post that later. Promise!

Thank you for all who have been praying for my dad. It could have been soo much worse than it was. God definitely sent angels to protect him that day.

Follow up

Regarding the previous post:

Mamo (my dad's mom) is back home after her stroke & rehab stay. I think she still has some weakness but is basically back to her old ornery self and making people laugh. Her son's have decided that its still appropriate for her and my gpa to live in their home as they were. My parents went with my gpa while they were visiting just to check out assisted living places in case they would have to make a move in the future. But for now they are doing well where they are.

Pa (my mom's dad) is still in the hospital. When he went in and they found the blood clots they also found he had pneumonia. I went to see him sunday and he was doing well but still fighting pain. Thought he would go home monday but I guess after some xrays decided to put a chest tube back in bc not all the fluid in the lung from the pneumonia was gone yet. Not sure how much longer he will be there.

Travis is over his sickness and after over 2 weeks mine is finally coming to a close. I had a terrible chest cold and cough... which migrated into a headcold about a wk ago. Cough & "cold voice" pretty much gone but still have a bit of a stuffy nose.

Thank you for all the prayers over these things.

In other news: my cousin's grandma has been battling breast cancer for years nows which traveled to her lungs and kidneys. She lost the fight on Tuesday. But now she's in a much better place than we are so really she has won. She was a great woman.

Prayers could also be used for this family. Her husband's name is Roy.

Prayers please!

There has been different illnesses going on:

My dad's mom (mamo/ or Hazel) was taken to hospital monday I think and was practically parazlyzed on her Rt side with slurred speech. They said it looked like she could have had a mild stroke. A couple days later, my parents are now visiting with her and my gpa in colorado and they say she is doing a lot better. she can walk and do many things on her own now.. no slurred speech, with just some minor weakness still on that side. She is in rehab until next tues. The issue now is.. does she go home after this and her and my gpa continue to live independently as before? My gpa has severe neuropathy in his feet. It is debateable among his sons if he should even be driving still bc his sensation on the soles of his feet is basically none existent anymore. Plan B is to find them a nice assisted living place... but do they stay in CO or move back here? They currently live near my uncle but he is out of town a lot for his job and his wife has multiple sclerosis and is sick in bed much of the time... meaning she wouldnt be able to take care of them if they needed it. They have 2 daughters close to my age but are living on campus a couple hours away. My mom says they would like to keep them where they are in their house in CO, but she is researching assisted living places in OH and CO in case it comes down to it. The other issue is they dont have much money to go into a place like that. Please pray that my gma would heal completely and that they would all have peace about where my g-parents should continue living for now.

So as my parents were making plans for this trip to CO my mom got a call i think tues taht her dad (pa, or Tom) was taken to the hospital bc he was in pain and couldnt breathe. They found 2 blood clots, a large one in L lung and smaller one in R lung. --rewind-- a couple of wks ago my gpa was hunting up in a tree stand and he fell, leg got trapped in strap and he broke his leg. Well he got it checked out and is now wearing a brace. They had planned to go to FL bc he was scheduled to speak at some churches (he is a Pastor) and he is stubborn and wont ever say he cant do something so he decided to charge on with the 12-13 hr car ride to FL. My mom drove him and my gma (she wanted to see my sis). Long story made shorter... the car ride and not moving around is most likely what caused the clots.. bc they had just gotten home a few days before he was sent to hospital. Yesterday update was he was in a lot of pain and couldnt breathe very well. Please pray that he would be healed and encouraged by the people that come to see him (he had 28 visitors yesterday!.. but in too much pain to really talk with them).

And to top it all off.. (on a much more minor note)... Travis and I are sick... he has the whole head cold/sinus-y thing going on and mine is throat hurting/junk in my lungs that i cant cough up. I hope I'm not getting bronchitis or something. Luckily we dont have fevers or anything. Hopefully I'll be able to work tonight and not feel completely terrible.

If you made it through this you should go eat some icecream or something to cheer you up bc that was depressing.

Thank you for your prayers!

new things

Let me start off by saying WE BOUGHT A HOUSE! We dont close until end of april but pretty much everything else is in order. Its been a whirlwind adventure and for awhile we didnt thnk it would work out bc of some issues... but we have gotten everything sorted out and its such a great deal. The owner is a Dr. and he is moving for a new job, starting july 1. Its amazing bc our lease is up june 30... how perfect! And since we are closing end of april they will be paying us 2months of rent. And we of course will be getting back the tax credit!! Its really amazing how everything has worked out so perfect. Our realtor is a friend of the family and been in the business for like over 20years and said this has been the best deal she has probably ever seen or been apart of! Here is the house, its in deerpark: http://www.sibcycline.com/viewlisting.asp?mls=1207166&b=CIN&p=RESI&s=SFRD&m=1&sender=SearchResults&a=3704-Lansdowne-Ave-Deer-Park-OH-45236
Very cute. Deer park wasnt our first choice, or really a place we were even remotely thinking about. but Travis is a researching freak and has been looking up houses like its his job and found this place. We are excited to get into it, hard to almost own a house but have to wait 3-4 months to move in.

In other news I may be reluctantly starting on my bachelors degree here soon. I'm not a big fan of school, but many of the hospitals are going to bachelor degrees only (I have an associates) and I have to have it in at least 9 or 10 years to keep working at christ hospital. ANd yes that is a long time from now but I would like to get it over with before kids come along and other craziness of life. Bc i have a feeling at this current point in mylife, it is the slowest life will get for me. SO it will probably be in fall i am assuming... i havent actually looked into it all that much yet. I'm nervous about how it could conflict with nightshift schedule but i guess it will work out somehow.

Ok so girls night soon? Carol thnaks for organizing. I desperately need some time. I never see anyone anymore except for work ppl and church ppl on sundays.
i miss everyone.

snow and new houses!

Remember snow days?
I would wake up and look out my window, scream with joy, and go turn on the news as it read "Mason City Schools Closed". It didnt happen often, as I tend to think they valued learning over new driver's lives. But I dont get that anymore. I dont have snow days bc I work for a hospital. Good thing I have 4-wheel drive- I do have work tonight at 7p-7a and tomrrow as well.

News: we have kinda been looking at houses lately. We have been somewhat talked into this bc of the tax credit. But at the same time, we can be/are in the position that we could buy a house. Over the past couple of months we have been able to pay off a couple of our larger purchases that were our debt. So now all we have is our tv, Travis's car and his school loans. Its like we of course really dont want to rush into anything, but then again $8,000 tax credit in our pocket next year would be wonderful. So we are finding out how much we are approved for and talking with a family friend realtor. We have found one house that we really like. Its in pleasant ridge, only a couple of streets from where we are living now (closer to the highway, the street is right off ridge rd). Its 3 bdrm, 1.5 bath, nice closet space and large bdrms. Basement is small and short (unfortunate for travis) but we kinda expect that with an older house. Has a nice backyard, fenced in, with a deck and a shed for storage. We really like it but feel its a little overpriced for the area. Its one of the highest priced houses on the street. The couple has done a lot to the house but still overpriced, especially if you look at how much they paid for the house just 7 years ago. (like $60,000 less!) If it happens, we would probably be trying to make the move in may/june. June is when our lease is up, but if we have to we would just pay the extra month after we left or somehting. The owner's wife is prego and tahts why they want to move.. so unless someone comes in with a better offer (we havent made an offer yet) and wants to move quicker, I think we have a good chance if this is what God wants us to do. So I'll keep yall updated on this.

I would totally go sled riding today but Travis has my 4wheel drive car, I wouldnt know where to go and have no one to go with! I'm such a loser sometimes.

at least the snow is pretty to look at and I am inside a warm house. Lazy day! Which these days a lot of my life consists of :)
love you