introducing.....

REESE
and...
REAGAN

They are my cousin's little girls. And they are cute. That's all.

I PASSED!!

So I just got online to check the results of my state test and I passed it with a 90%!! I'm alittle bummed that I even missed that much but still... I passed it!! I dont have to do it again! As soon as the page popped up a dance song came on the radio and I totally couldn't contain myself! I danced like a maniac!.. I'm sure it was probably hI-larious to watch bc I really can't dance but it felt really good. I'm glad no one was home :)

love you!

God is still answering prayers

I told many of you this morning that my grandma (dad's mom..in colorado) had a stroke last night. Well she is doing much better and I thank you all for the prayers!! They worked! Apparently she wasnt feeling good last night then woke up vomiting early in the morning. My brother and Trishia are visiting them this week which has been good support for my gpa.. they took her to the hospital and trishia was talking to her trying to get her to squeeze her hand but she wouldnt respond...she just stared blankly at nothing. But they were thankful that she was in stable condition. She got better as the day went on and trishia even said shes now laughing and talking like her old self. She's 83, and we know shes not going to live forever,but if you knew her you wouldnt think she was 83. She's very energetic and enthusiastic, and loves to exercise and dance :) Espeically to the old classics like the Beatles, Beegees, the Birds.. She's pretty hilarious. Shes been relatively healthy, but she did have heart surgery a few years ago. So the doctors did an MRI and said she had a minor stroke and a rapid recovery. Thank the LOrd. It was really great that brett and trishia were there, though. Brett said my grandpa was really emotional. Trishia works at a hospital so as soon as it all happened she got in "work mode" and apparently was great trying to talk with my gma.. getting her to respond, and calming my gpa, .. and talking to the doctors.
This morning it was like my life stopped inside my head. All my whining and stress and complaining about stupid petty things went away for a few hours. I'm so stessed and focused on the most trivial things. I make this life seem so much harder htan it is sometimes.
I kinda mentioned this at bible study last night but I feel like ive gotten so much more cynical the past year or so... well i guess its been about 2 years now... I think it kinda started when I went to Israel. But anyway... I hate it. I feel like I've lost the joy that I once had and I don't know how to get it back. I really dont know where to start. Well i know it partly has some to do with me becoming more self-consumed. I dont know if anyone else has noticed it but I have.. I've been more infocused.. instead of outfocused on other people and things. I of course care about the people close to me... I guess I'm thinking about the people I dont know... the friends I could have.. the experiences I'm missing from not opening up to people I dont know yet. I remember being so happy and so full of joy when I was younger. But "ignorance is bliss" sometimes.. and innocence. Like I said last night.. I hope this is a phase. But I fear that its not because I dont think I'll ever forget the events/people that have helped this cynicism get worse the past 2 years. I guess thats an issue of forgiveness? I dont know.

I just thank God for healing my grandma today. I want to go see her so bad but I didnt want to see her like she was today. I lose hope sometimes. And I know that if her health did get worse... or if it does continue to do so.. I konw that doesnt mean that GOd isnt there or he isnt listening. But him healing her for today does give me that encouragement I need to kick me in the butt for feeling at all hopeless.
So thanks again for the prayers. They work.

plans

Hey friends. How is everyone? I feel like its been busy... but as most of you know I really don't have a whole lot going on. I have school 2 days a week and work 2-3 days a week. I actually am planning on applying to a little bakery down the street. They need someone from 5am-1pm which sounds crazy, especially considering I am mostly not a morning person. But I think I could deal with it a few days a week and I do need the extra money. And I'm still debating/deciding on when I will try for a hospital job. I just see that as being locked in and not able to have a life otherwiese. But I know I'll have to get over it. As far as school goes I'm still not sure whats gonna happen. I just have to take chemistry (which I am taking now... and hopefully will pass with a C so I dont have to retake it), and anatomy 1 (taking next term) then I will be on the waiting list for clinicals at Cincy State. The wait could be anywhere between 6 months-2.5 years. I'm still waiting on Christ Hosptial Nursing school to seeif I get inthere.. I find out in March and am getting anxious. THe next 2 years of my life could be planned when I find out if I've gotten in. Part of me really wants it and the other part... has other things on the mind. So I really have no idea what my life will look like 2 years... even 8 months from now. I just hope that I one day find some kind of career that I enjoy doing... my fear is that I will get into this program and not want to do it halfway through.
As far as life outside of school... not too exciting. I don't hate my job right now. I think for now I'm gonna hold out until I really do get a stable job in a hospital or something..before I quit. But I'd still work at the orthodontist if I took that bakery job too. Its pretty sad that the most exciting part of my week is anticipating and watching Grey's anatomy and the office on thursday night. Nobody should be this excited to watch a tv show. I'm such a loser... but then again so is 80% of the US... everyone loves Grey's! Its like the flu or something... the excitemtn is contagious. OK now I'm talking about it too much.
Well Grey's isnt my only excitment... every day I get a little more syked about Baby Bird!! We only have like 3-3.5 months left to wait!! I love babies :)
I hope you all are well. Love you dearly.

SA