restless

There's a burning in my heart everyday
I come to you
I look to you and say
When will I become everything
that you've intended me to be
I'm beating at my chest everyday
I run to you
I come to you and say
When will I become everything
that you've intended me to be
I am so tired, I am so beaten
From walking down the road of shattered dreams
I am so lonely I am so broken

Won't you come

won't you rescue me

I am so tired
I am so tired

[I'll be the light inside of you and won't let go of you]

Come rescue me

won't you come, won't you come

I'm calling out your name
_________________________________________________________________________

So recently I've been feeling like WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING WITH MY LIFE? Yes, I'm going to school. But am I gonna stay here and major in some sort of missions? or transfer and major in something else that I could actually fall back on if I didnt do anything missions-related. I mean..you dont HAVE to have a degree to be in the ministry but you do have to have one to be able to do anything else worth making a living from. I like this school and all but is this where I'm supposed to be? And how much longer will i be able to drive this everyday? And i really cant afford to live anywhere else right now with my low income. Sometimes I just feel like there are other things I should be doing than this. But what?
I begin to feel stagnant in life and my walk and have this thought to just rebel or something. But who am I kidding... the worst I would rebel is to like get another piercing... oooohhhh... i know.. thatd realy be a shocker. So becuase of my lack of rebelious side I become desperate and (A) either let myself go crazy (it has happened before)... or (B) throw myself back into the arms of my loving God who i know is always there..here..everywhere..just waiting for me to come back.
I hate that I'm constantly disappointing Him because I tear myself down all the time and dont have faith in myself to do things... and all the time he is getting frusterated with me because he has so much confidence in me that I dont see. He knows what I can do and has chosen me to follow him because He has faith in me.
So what kind of a loser am i to have such low self-confidence sometimes when He is right next to me screaming "I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT".


"We must make our lives extraordinary"