wow...

can someone punch me because I really can't believe that my brother is married...

so many mixed emotions.

tell you all later.

is that a banana in your pocket?

I am sitting in a hotel in alabama.. and my computer actually works. The ride down yesterday was very long and tiring. We left my house around 530am and got here around 6. We stopped at a mall for like an hour, though, so we couldve made it sooner. Its been fun bc my entire mom's side of the fam is in this hotel... so there hasn't been a dull moment, thats for sure. So waht's planned for today: bridal luncheon at noon-- i guess for the bridal party? not sure...-- then rehearsal tonight. It will definilty be interesting to see how all us bridal party (10 on each side) will fit on the stage considering the church is a just little bigger than Oak Harbor. Then tomorrow the wedding is at 5. I still cant believe my brother is getting married. SO CRAZY. I love the south. Its so great how they serve sweet tea everywhere.. sometimes it comes included with the meal! It was funny when we went to the mall yesterday.. there were about 9 of us in "traveling clothes" (aka we looked like bums) and we would walk past people in the mall that would just stop and stare... it was hIlarius.

great conversation of the day:
this morning my grandma was holding a banana and i was like, "Hey ma, put that banana in your pocket"
so she did, and my response, "Ma, is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
She rolled her eyes, took it out of her pocket, and laughed.
I enjoyed it, goodtimes.

anyhow.. that is my update.

Chrissi-- I hope all goes well with your party tomorrow... I know you all will have so much fun... sorry I am missing it. LOVE YOU!

do i hear wedding bells in the near future?

.........

my new favorite [lame] awesome joke...

Answer all 4 questions....

1. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?

2. How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

3. The Lion king is hosting an animal conference in the forest. All of the animals come but one... which one doesnt come?

4. You are walking and come to a river you must cross that alligators live in. How do you get across?



answers to come later....

life lessons

So.... I feel like I've been leaving you all in the dark.. not like there's that much in my life you can see if there was light anyway.
well... hmm... my brother is getting married 3 weeks from today. Completly crazy but I'm happy for him. I actually have mixed emotions about it sometimes.it jsut depends what day it is.. but today i feel good about it. We had a small (like 9 person) shower for Trishia today. JUst fam and close friends. It was fun..they are all crazy. But i love them. Its good to spend time with Trishia.. it doesnt happen all that often because she works so much and when she's home either we're all sleeping or I'm out somewhere. Tonight I think we are all goingto Liberty's passion play. Should be good. If any of you have caught the recent Skyline commercials with the guy driving the convertible with ladies in the car... or the one where his hair is on fire or something... he is going to be Jesus in the production...he also helps out with the youth at Liberty. He;s my brother's friend...he's such a ham.
So recently... in about 5 weeks i have finals..which is crazy. I feel like i just started at CCU. Future plans... right now I am planning on going to cincy state next year for nursing. I may start classes this summer but that all depends on my personal motivation, which I dont have much of at this point.
It's been a difficult year (and a half). Lets break it down:
-went on the most incredible adventure of my life thus far... Israel, Jordan, Paris
-(^also the beginning of my questioning things in life)
-graduated highschool
-chrissi moved (aka blue ice cream buddy!)
-megan...best friend from highschool...moved to new york
-started school at CCU
-emily..cousin my age... got married in november and moved to florida
-scott and i had a pretty bad fallout
-church drama
-^watching my friends as they go through incredible emotional pain
-I eloped last weekend and didnt tell anybody
-I'm about to separate from my church family
-brett got engaged, she moved in with us, and they are soon to be married


so basically... in summary i blame some of this on chrissi. She used to tell me that I depended on people too much and that one day God was going to take those people from me so that I would look to him instead of others (that wasnt word for word, but you get it). God has taken some very close people from me... but not in death.. in life. They have all moved on to a new chapter in life. Which is great for them. I love that for them but I just hate not seeing those people as much anymore. By the grace of God scott and i reconciled some things too... put our pride aside (that was sorta cheezy rhyming :) And he has brought other great people into my life... or should i say more into my life than they were. But I still love and miss those that are far away.
for the other stuff.... I'm still learning..still questioning. I'm not where I want to be in my relationsihp with God at all. I dont even know where to be right now or how to start. It sucks (for lack of better words) to have a part of your faith completely shattered before your eyes. But I konw that I have and will continue to learn so much from everything. And I'm excited when I think about how glorious it will be when I can look back and see how things have changed.. and how i have changed for the better. God is bringing something good out of this. You and I both know it. We just have to hold on together and help eachother get through the rough patches. I'm here for you always. I hope you know that.

I hope you all are doing great. Please update.. I'd really love to know what's going on personally in your lives... and I know i suck at updating but I will try to do more of it.
I love you dearly.


Just remember: "with your true heart devoted to Him jsut watch and see that what He gives is exactly what you truly wanted, but dared not dream to ask for."

Yahweh,
I sit here confused... with this completely tainted picture of you in my head. I want to know the real you. I long to see you for who you really are and not what other people project you as. Show me the real meaning of Christian and how to live that life as you intended. There are broken people all around... help us pick up the pieces and put them back together to create an even greater love, joy, and faith than before.
I know you are right here holding my hand. I want to do the right things... i want to be the person you want me to be... without the insecurities and blemishes. I want to radiate you. But I'm not sure i know how to do that or be that person right now...
not until I know who you are really.
I'm ready to learn......
**