life lessons

So.... I feel like I've been leaving you all in the dark.. not like there's that much in my life you can see if there was light anyway.
well... hmm... my brother is getting married 3 weeks from today. Completly crazy but I'm happy for him. I actually have mixed emotions about it sometimes.it jsut depends what day it is.. but today i feel good about it. We had a small (like 9 person) shower for Trishia today. JUst fam and close friends. It was fun..they are all crazy. But i love them. Its good to spend time with Trishia.. it doesnt happen all that often because she works so much and when she's home either we're all sleeping or I'm out somewhere. Tonight I think we are all goingto Liberty's passion play. Should be good. If any of you have caught the recent Skyline commercials with the guy driving the convertible with ladies in the car... or the one where his hair is on fire or something... he is going to be Jesus in the production...he also helps out with the youth at Liberty. He;s my brother's friend...he's such a ham.
So recently... in about 5 weeks i have finals..which is crazy. I feel like i just started at CCU. Future plans... right now I am planning on going to cincy state next year for nursing. I may start classes this summer but that all depends on my personal motivation, which I dont have much of at this point.
It's been a difficult year (and a half). Lets break it down:
-went on the most incredible adventure of my life thus far... Israel, Jordan, Paris
-(^also the beginning of my questioning things in life)
-graduated highschool
-chrissi moved (aka blue ice cream buddy!)
-megan...best friend from highschool...moved to new york
-started school at CCU
-emily..cousin my age... got married in november and moved to florida
-scott and i had a pretty bad fallout
-church drama
-^watching my friends as they go through incredible emotional pain
-I eloped last weekend and didnt tell anybody
-I'm about to separate from my church family
-brett got engaged, she moved in with us, and they are soon to be married


so basically... in summary i blame some of this on chrissi. She used to tell me that I depended on people too much and that one day God was going to take those people from me so that I would look to him instead of others (that wasnt word for word, but you get it). God has taken some very close people from me... but not in death.. in life. They have all moved on to a new chapter in life. Which is great for them. I love that for them but I just hate not seeing those people as much anymore. By the grace of God scott and i reconciled some things too... put our pride aside (that was sorta cheezy rhyming :) And he has brought other great people into my life... or should i say more into my life than they were. But I still love and miss those that are far away.
for the other stuff.... I'm still learning..still questioning. I'm not where I want to be in my relationsihp with God at all. I dont even know where to be right now or how to start. It sucks (for lack of better words) to have a part of your faith completely shattered before your eyes. But I konw that I have and will continue to learn so much from everything. And I'm excited when I think about how glorious it will be when I can look back and see how things have changed.. and how i have changed for the better. God is bringing something good out of this. You and I both know it. We just have to hold on together and help eachother get through the rough patches. I'm here for you always. I hope you know that.

I hope you all are doing great. Please update.. I'd really love to know what's going on personally in your lives... and I know i suck at updating but I will try to do more of it.
I love you dearly.


Just remember: "with your true heart devoted to Him jsut watch and see that what He gives is exactly what you truly wanted, but dared not dream to ask for."