the introvert syndrome

So you want to understand me?...

http://www.jonathanrauch.com/jrauch_articles/caring_for_your_introvert/


and all this time I thought something was wrong with me...
***

"A Christian is someone that doesn’t understand everything about life, but holds on to the faith that they have to get through the doubt"

rundowntown

I was told to journal my Georgia journey this week...

Tuesday: we (mom,dad, i) left the 'nati around8:30a, arrived at our destination in georgia around 5p. We met the gparents at hotel and went to eat at macaroni grill. They used to live here like 12 years ago and my grandma hadnt seen her sister since then... and she got to spend 3 days with her before we got there. They had sucha great time together.
highlight of tuesday: my gma fell in love with our 17-18 year old waiter from mac grill- ha.. she got his addressso that she can write him or something? I wouldnt doubt if she and g-pa send him money to go to culinary school. Oh g-parents. They are too funny.
Wednesday: we visited my g-mas cousin and uncle (who is 90-something) and other family. It was such a great reunion. (I had never met them before). It had been over 40 years since my g-ma had seen her uncle! Then we went to see where my g-pa grew up and its funny because he still remembered his way around those parts... its been years since hes been back.
Thursday: thanksgiving at my dad's cousins house... saw more of his couisns and their parents (my g-mas sister and hub). The outlets opened at midnight so of course me, my bro and the only 2 cousins there our age took advantage of that one. But it was so incredibly packed! Gap had like an hour wait line and there was like no room to move. Absolutely craziness.. but fun.. we got back to the hotel around 3:30a.
Friday: pretty much the same as thursday, hung out at my dads cousins house. Good homemade ice cream!
Saturday: woke at 430a to take the g-parents to the airport and start our journey home. We got back around 3-something pm.

And thats that.

I'm glad to be home. I've been looking forward to this week to be over bc its like i havent had a not-busy wekend since... well since school started i guess. And this weekend i have NO plans.. yet... but if i make some at least it will be something i want to do.. something relaxing for sure.

I'm really missing my girls. we HAVE to get together soon! So to reiterate... CAROL AND CHERYL.. you have to provide some dates taht would suit you best and we'll go from there... cuz you all seem to be the busiest.. in a few weeks we'll have christmas break so that frees up a lot of time for some of us that would have to worry about school nonsense. So yes... girls night.. i have been craving one for awhile. lets do this :)

life is... good. To end on a cheezy "thanksgiving" note... I am so incredibly thankful for my beautiful, loving family, and absolutely wonderful friends.

you're loved..i hope you know it.



"Yes.. i have a craving for puttin some bees in my mouth"

the thirst is taking over

"This season has been a time where my soul has been searching among a parched land. Every attempt has been exhausted by life's stripping circumstance. But through the uniting of our passions God has consumed my heart with an abundance of water. I know that until i worship and fall humbly before the lord most God I will stay forever thirsty. The Lord quenches our lack of with the pressing desires He writes on the tablets of our heart. Jeremiah 33:3 says, 'Call to me and I will answer you and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.' I had never truly grasped how to love the Lord, beyond my taught expression, until now that God is leading me to the Promised Land. From the world's lens our passion seems crazy and somewhat impossible, but from the lens of the Lord our passion is divine and is ordained. Today, I was reading in Psalm 71:20 and it says, 'You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again.'"


A friend of mine (well, my brother's female "friend") blogged this recently... I just felt the need to share... like maybe it would speak to somebody reading this.
Because it spoke to me.

I really love you all more than you know.


From the world's lens our passion seems crazy and somewhat impossible, but from the lens of the Lord our passion is divine and ordained.

lights will guide you home

So…. I have been genuine-blog absent for awhile. A lot has been going on. My grandparents from Colorado are in town. That’s been really good to see them. They used to live in the nasty ‘nat but havent been back for 6 years. We went to visit them 2 years ago in Denver.
God has such great timing. Although things have been quite busy around here this is like the most perfect time for them to be here…there has been a lot of negative things on my mind lately that have to do with…things… and with my adorable grandparents here I havent thought about this junk nearly as much as I probably would have if they weren’t here.

I’ll be 19 next month. Yes, this is apparently a reminder of how much older most of you are than me. SURPRISE!! I’m not really your age! I’ll be 19 and I still feel 16 in many ways. I think I always will. This has definitely been the most challenging year of my life..spiritually speaking. I’ve had a lot of questions…a lot of doubt… a freaking yacht load of cynicism (yes, more so than normal). And at times I would agree that “innocence is bliss”. But in the end, I guess all the not knowing and confusion pays off. Maybe I’m not to that “pay off” point yet, but I know its down the road there somewhere.
So my biggest question the past few days is ..what is YOUR definition of spiritual awakening? Those two words have been plaguing my mind for days. I don’t know what it is… oh wait,, yes I do.
One said they were thankful for the spiritual awakening that was upon us…as I am still waiting for it to happen. Is it happening and I’m neglecting to see it? Is it just in this person’s life and not mine at this moment in time?

PERCEPTION

That’s a scary thing. We are all made differently and we naturally have different perceptions of things. I’m so glad that God is a genius and knows what he’s doing. I wish I knew what was going on. But again, he knows what he’s doing and apparently feels it best not to let me in on the “whys” of things right now. I’ve been praying for peace and I think he’s giving it to me a little at a time.. Slowly.. But its coming.


This goes out to a faithful few...

"Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way--in all your speaking and in all your knowledge-- because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful."
--1 Corinthians 1:4-9

love you buddy

my heart speaks before I know what it will say

Some thoughts I composed on paper earlier today...



There is certain music that stirs up something deep inside me to write. But I'm not satisfied with my writing so it gets very frustrating. Why?

God, I so badly want to be a writer. A writer with a purpose.

What is my purpose?

I want to be a photographer.
I want to capture those priceless, innocent moments on film.

I want to keep those breathtaking sunsets, seascapes with me forever

everywhere I go.

I want to be a constantly humbled servant for You.

I want to serve somewhere other than here.

I feel so confined here.

Like I think I know what people think of me and define myself as that. By being paralyzed and crippled by what I think others are thinking of me I forbid myself to live out my full potential.

I forget who I really am and adopt something

or someone else as my own.

I feel so confined here. “Here” as being many things…

including certain areas of my own mind

or even at this school..

this church..

this life.

We were all made for something much greater. That is why we so often times feel so dissatisfied with times in our lives. We just have to find what that “greater” thing is for each of us.

I want to help people.

But how can I do that while feeling so helpless myself?

I always feel as though I can’t and will never have what it takes to fulfill my dreams, my passions. But many of them I believe are also

God’s passions within me.

So why would he put these desires in my heart if I couldnt act on them? You are right, He wouldn’t. Its just times like these I need a big smack across the face and a wrench to open my ears and listen to my own advice. And of course, advice of others.

I want to be a poet.

But I cant find the words to paint the pictures that are inside my head.

I want to be free… from the box I have put myself in.
I want to be responsible enough to make my own decisions.
I want to be positive in those decisions.

I want to feel the peace of God there.

Peace that passes all understanding.

“I don’t want to feel as though my life were sojourn any longer. That philosophy cannot

be true which so paints it. It is time now that I begin to live.”

*Henry David Thoreau

she most likely doesn't read this, but....

HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY LINDSAY MARIE!!

ahhh I'm emotional

“My Lord God,
I have no idea where I’m going. [Or what I’m doing.]

I do not see the road ahead of me
Nor do I really know myself,
And the fact that I think I am following your will
Does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
Does in fact please you.

And I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,
You will lead me by the right road
Though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always.
Though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
And you will never leave me to face my struggles alone.”




i guess its not appropriate to blog my true feelings aside from this, so I'll keep it in.


frusteration is the word of the month