my heart speaks before I know what it will say

Some thoughts I composed on paper earlier today...



There is certain music that stirs up something deep inside me to write. But I'm not satisfied with my writing so it gets very frustrating. Why?

God, I so badly want to be a writer. A writer with a purpose.

What is my purpose?

I want to be a photographer.
I want to capture those priceless, innocent moments on film.

I want to keep those breathtaking sunsets, seascapes with me forever

everywhere I go.

I want to be a constantly humbled servant for You.

I want to serve somewhere other than here.

I feel so confined here.

Like I think I know what people think of me and define myself as that. By being paralyzed and crippled by what I think others are thinking of me I forbid myself to live out my full potential.

I forget who I really am and adopt something

or someone else as my own.

I feel so confined here. “Here” as being many things…

including certain areas of my own mind

or even at this school..

this church..

this life.

We were all made for something much greater. That is why we so often times feel so dissatisfied with times in our lives. We just have to find what that “greater” thing is for each of us.

I want to help people.

But how can I do that while feeling so helpless myself?

I always feel as though I can’t and will never have what it takes to fulfill my dreams, my passions. But many of them I believe are also

God’s passions within me.

So why would he put these desires in my heart if I couldnt act on them? You are right, He wouldn’t. Its just times like these I need a big smack across the face and a wrench to open my ears and listen to my own advice. And of course, advice of others.

I want to be a poet.

But I cant find the words to paint the pictures that are inside my head.

I want to be free… from the box I have put myself in.
I want to be responsible enough to make my own decisions.
I want to be positive in those decisions.

I want to feel the peace of God there.

Peace that passes all understanding.

“I don’t want to feel as though my life were sojourn any longer. That philosophy cannot

be true which so paints it. It is time now that I begin to live.”

*Henry David Thoreau