introducing.....

REESE
and...
REAGAN

They are my cousin's little girls. And they are cute. That's all.

I PASSED!!

So I just got online to check the results of my state test and I passed it with a 90%!! I'm alittle bummed that I even missed that much but still... I passed it!! I dont have to do it again! As soon as the page popped up a dance song came on the radio and I totally couldn't contain myself! I danced like a maniac!.. I'm sure it was probably hI-larious to watch bc I really can't dance but it felt really good. I'm glad no one was home :)

love you!

God is still answering prayers

I told many of you this morning that my grandma (dad's mom..in colorado) had a stroke last night. Well she is doing much better and I thank you all for the prayers!! They worked! Apparently she wasnt feeling good last night then woke up vomiting early in the morning. My brother and Trishia are visiting them this week which has been good support for my gpa.. they took her to the hospital and trishia was talking to her trying to get her to squeeze her hand but she wouldnt respond...she just stared blankly at nothing. But they were thankful that she was in stable condition. She got better as the day went on and trishia even said shes now laughing and talking like her old self. She's 83, and we know shes not going to live forever,but if you knew her you wouldnt think she was 83. She's very energetic and enthusiastic, and loves to exercise and dance :) Espeically to the old classics like the Beatles, Beegees, the Birds.. She's pretty hilarious. Shes been relatively healthy, but she did have heart surgery a few years ago. So the doctors did an MRI and said she had a minor stroke and a rapid recovery. Thank the LOrd. It was really great that brett and trishia were there, though. Brett said my grandpa was really emotional. Trishia works at a hospital so as soon as it all happened she got in "work mode" and apparently was great trying to talk with my gma.. getting her to respond, and calming my gpa, .. and talking to the doctors.
This morning it was like my life stopped inside my head. All my whining and stress and complaining about stupid petty things went away for a few hours. I'm so stessed and focused on the most trivial things. I make this life seem so much harder htan it is sometimes.
I kinda mentioned this at bible study last night but I feel like ive gotten so much more cynical the past year or so... well i guess its been about 2 years now... I think it kinda started when I went to Israel. But anyway... I hate it. I feel like I've lost the joy that I once had and I don't know how to get it back. I really dont know where to start. Well i know it partly has some to do with me becoming more self-consumed. I dont know if anyone else has noticed it but I have.. I've been more infocused.. instead of outfocused on other people and things. I of course care about the people close to me... I guess I'm thinking about the people I dont know... the friends I could have.. the experiences I'm missing from not opening up to people I dont know yet. I remember being so happy and so full of joy when I was younger. But "ignorance is bliss" sometimes.. and innocence. Like I said last night.. I hope this is a phase. But I fear that its not because I dont think I'll ever forget the events/people that have helped this cynicism get worse the past 2 years. I guess thats an issue of forgiveness? I dont know.

I just thank God for healing my grandma today. I want to go see her so bad but I didnt want to see her like she was today. I lose hope sometimes. And I know that if her health did get worse... or if it does continue to do so.. I konw that doesnt mean that GOd isnt there or he isnt listening. But him healing her for today does give me that encouragement I need to kick me in the butt for feeling at all hopeless.
So thanks again for the prayers. They work.

plans

Hey friends. How is everyone? I feel like its been busy... but as most of you know I really don't have a whole lot going on. I have school 2 days a week and work 2-3 days a week. I actually am planning on applying to a little bakery down the street. They need someone from 5am-1pm which sounds crazy, especially considering I am mostly not a morning person. But I think I could deal with it a few days a week and I do need the extra money. And I'm still debating/deciding on when I will try for a hospital job. I just see that as being locked in and not able to have a life otherwiese. But I know I'll have to get over it. As far as school goes I'm still not sure whats gonna happen. I just have to take chemistry (which I am taking now... and hopefully will pass with a C so I dont have to retake it), and anatomy 1 (taking next term) then I will be on the waiting list for clinicals at Cincy State. The wait could be anywhere between 6 months-2.5 years. I'm still waiting on Christ Hosptial Nursing school to seeif I get inthere.. I find out in March and am getting anxious. THe next 2 years of my life could be planned when I find out if I've gotten in. Part of me really wants it and the other part... has other things on the mind. So I really have no idea what my life will look like 2 years... even 8 months from now. I just hope that I one day find some kind of career that I enjoy doing... my fear is that I will get into this program and not want to do it halfway through.
As far as life outside of school... not too exciting. I don't hate my job right now. I think for now I'm gonna hold out until I really do get a stable job in a hospital or something..before I quit. But I'd still work at the orthodontist if I took that bakery job too. Its pretty sad that the most exciting part of my week is anticipating and watching Grey's anatomy and the office on thursday night. Nobody should be this excited to watch a tv show. I'm such a loser... but then again so is 80% of the US... everyone loves Grey's! Its like the flu or something... the excitemtn is contagious. OK now I'm talking about it too much.
Well Grey's isnt my only excitment... every day I get a little more syked about Baby Bird!! We only have like 3-3.5 months left to wait!! I love babies :)
I hope you all are well. Love you dearly.

SA

NEW YORK

hey kids... i uploaded pics from new york. It was so much fun. I espeically loved not having to drive and buy gas and all that jazz.
Here's my flickr site to look at the pics!...
http://flickr.com/photos/79516616@N00/

love yous... merry christmas!!

loves it

This is my favorite kid, Austin, wearing what I got him for christmas. It was so funny. He is so adorable!

i have great friends

Thanks to everyone that was there last night to surprise me!! I know I'm not the greatest at showing surprise and amazement but I was definitly those things!! I thought I was pretty good at figuring out surprises but I lose this round... good job guys. And Kyoung-- I am sooo disappointed in you that you lied to me. I really don't think I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm TOTALLY KIDDING! I love you and you were AMAZING.. you should become a professional liar. Or not. That wouldnt be very good..what am i saying?
So thanks again..totally surprised.. probably one of the best birthday gifts so far. (aside from NYC... sorry:) ) It was GREAT. You all get 50 gold stars!

LOVE YOUS

birthdays are fun

favorite birthday gift?.... finding out me and lindsay are going to new york dec 19th for 3 days!! funtimes.

a quick look back and cringe

Wow... its been over a year. I hate knowing that drama will continue to be a part of life forever.

I'm sick of trying to do this on my own.
I'm sick of not having a church to call my home. (didn't mean to make that rhyme:)
I'm sick of knowing its my fault..i can do something to change that.
I'm sick of being too lazy to change that
I'm sick of knowing that deep down many of my friends are still wounded.
I'm sick of not knowing what to do to help them.

I'm sick of hurting people..and not necessarily knowing that I am until its too late.


ok there was my vent for the night.



i love steak and new york city

FLOWER BABY

I can't get over this picture. It is so cute I want to hurt myself. This is my highschool sophomore teacher's 3 month old baby. She's one of the only people I've kept in contact with from highschool (funny... this just proves even moreso how I didnt have many longlasting friends in HS :)
She emailed me today and told me she had the baby and sent me a website for some pics... She is so freakin cute. Her name is Addison Grace. I wanted to ask her if she watches Grey's anatomy :) But I didnt.

So we definitly have to think about getting a costume like this for baby bird :)

lazy christmas and baby birds

HEY!
I still love you all.
I feel like such a lazy bum... I've had 6 days off of school for thanksgiving (i only have tues/thurs classes). I had class today till 12 but i dont go back till thurs. And I dont work today or tomorrow. But I know i should just shut up and enjoy it... which i totally AM! mY parents have been gone for the weekend.. they left thursday morning and coming home tonight at midnight. I cant lie its been great having space from them for a few days.. and the house is so much quieter! I know they had a great time though... they went to colorado to see my dad's parents and brother and his fam. He loves being with his family.. no matter how awkward it used to be bc some weird stuff happened between all of us a few years ago.. but most of that is cleared up now.
I dont remember who I've told what to.. but I have applied to Christ Hospital school of nursing and will find out in march. I'd really like to be accepted so then i can finish in 2 years from august instead of 4 or more at cincy state. I am still currently going to cincy state and will continue if I dont get into Christ.
I really want to go somewhere. Every few months I get "cabin fever" and want to go..anywhere... just to get out of here for a bit. I hate feeling like things are getting stagnant in life. But Christmas is coming up soon so I know it wont be a problem to hold that off for a little while longer. Me and Lindsay were talkign about going to new york around jan/feb but I'm not sure if its actually going to happen bc her work schedule and both of our lack of moneys.
SO yes... Christmas is coming up! My dad has been super excited or somethng because he put up all our lights and tree and everything up last week before he left for colorado. He acted like that was his only chance to do it but really there's not much more lawncare to do before he's off for the winter. I was initially not excited about christmas for some reason.. but im starting to get into it. I'm like more than half finished with christmas shopping already... i know its crazy. I still want to go to the outlet malls before christmas! Anyone interested? Well.. that is if i have money by that time. My birhtday is coming up so that should give me more money for christmas (a perk of having bday close to christmas :-/ )

Time is going so fast. The only good thing about that is baby bird will be here soon!! But he/she will grow up so fast. I cant wait to be a part of that though!

k I'm bored of this now. I love yous!!
I finally updated now its all of your turns!!


fergalicious

funny conversation

CHAD (a friend of mine from school): So why do you like Jimmy Fallon so much?

ME: Well im not as into him as I obviously used to be... but he is adorable and so funnny. I dont really know how it all started... I saw him.. our eyes met.. he said hello and the next thing I knew we were riding off into the sunset on a large white horse.

CHAD: wow, that sounds romantic

ME: yeah it was...

_______________________________________
GOTTA LOVE JIMMY FALLON

Dancing Maniac

unconscious dreams

So I had this dream last night that I was walking home and I saw 3 tornadoes touch down.. so I started running. I got home and no one was home. I decided to go in the basement because its the safest place and when I went down there the basement was filled with bikes and my sister was down there too..

So I'm really into dreams and I like to look up meanings. I went to this website: www.hyperdictionary.com
and looked up tornadoes and it said "Seeing a tornado in your dream, suggests that you are experiencing some extreme emotional outbursts and temper tantrums. Is there a situation or relationship in your life that may be potentially destructive? Dreaming that you are in a tornado means that you are feeling overwhelmed and out of control. You will be met with a series of disappointments for the next week or so. Your plans will be filled with complications. Seeing several tornadoes in your dream, represent people around you who are prone to violent outbursts and shifting mood swings. It may also symbolize a volatile situation or relationship."

I also looked up bicycle: "Dreaming that you are riding a bicycle means your desires to attain a balance in your life. You need to balance work and pleasure in order to succeed in your current undertakings. Dreaming of a bicycle indicates that you need to devote time to leisurely pursuits and recreation."

So apparently I'm a little mentally and possibly emotionally overwhelmed.

Dreams...

So today I don't want to be a nurse. Today I want to travel and take pictures of everything I see. I was looking up mission trips today. I haven't found any that I am particularly passionate about. All of them are about going somewhere to help out with local churches and walk around to talk to people about God. Which is great and all but not what I'm interested in. I want to go somewhere and actually DO something.. like KHO... fix up or build a house.. something to do with physical labor. Some may think I'm crazy but I love it. I loved KHO and I think that serving like that speaks so much louder than any words that could be said. And I want to go out of the country because I adore different cultures and people and their ways of life. Of course I went into nursing wanting to work with kids and help people but I am growing so impatient!! This "2 year" program is turning out to be so much longer and I just dont know if I have the pertinacity (yes, big word, be proud... sorry if I used it wrong) to stay with it for that long!!
I know what some of you will say "Then go travel and take pictures!!" But its not that easy. You need money to travel. You need a job to make a living. Someday I'll live out my dreams... but for now I'll tread on where I am.

fun with new pics

http://www.flickr.com/photos/79516616@N00/

NEW CAMERA!!!

This lady at best buy yesterday was understandably trying to talk me into getting the $900 SLR camera which would have a lot more features and everything but we all know I can't afford that. But I was pretty much settled on this camera before I even got to the store. Plus it was $300+ less than the SLR. Gotta love sales.


Here's some pics I took today...







LOVES IT.

I'm really not trying to rub it in, I'm just really excited!!

k bye.

rabbits

At cincy state I'll stay...
I cant say I love it.. but I dont hate it either and I dont feel like I'm supposed to be anywhere else at the moment.

back to CCU?

Why did I feel like I was so busy in the summer? I did nothing. Actually I am pretty pissed at myself for not working 2 jobs when I had the perfect opportunity to make a lot of money. Now I need it and don't have the time... well, as much time. Getting past the first week of classes was rough.. but now that I;m sort of in a routine its not as bad. I try not to dread it becuase it only makes it worse if I expect it to be bad. So today I decided to be non-social and have a lazy day. It really feels good to have days like that. I watched many grey's anatomy episodes (still have like 14 or so to go before I finish the 2nd season!!) The new season starts thursday..not much time. I am definilty addicted..so addicted.
I got a letter in the mail today from CCU (the school I went to last year..but no longer attending) stating my current balance for this semester which is -3.71... they would owe us 3.71 because of the scholarships i would recieve there. It makes no sense that I didnt even register there this semester and its paid for.. but the school I am going to I get nothing. Is it dumb to think its a sign to go back to CCU since it will be paid for through scholoarships? I know I've talked about school so much you're probably sick of hearing about it but here i go again... some days I feel i could do this nursing thing.. but I dont want to be just the nurse..I want to be higher in the chain and actually do more than get bossed around. Of course Grey's Anatomy is in my head right now, and therefore a large influence in my thinking today. And yes I am living vicariously through those surgeons each episode I watch but I konw I couldnt do that all the time. I dont want my career to be my life, I actually want a family of my own some day.
Sometimes I feel like I should have been born like 50 years ago when women didn't have many rights--as far as careers go. I definilty wouldnt have been a feminist. Call me lazy and dependent alll you want but I'd be satisfied being the stay at home mom while the husband works. That doesnt mean thats whats gonna happen..I'm just saying I wouldnt mind it. There was so much less pressure back then to have a career.. but I guess there was a lot more pressure on getting married young.

OK I'm done... dont exactly know where all that came from.. I guess a day off not doing much but thinking will do that to ya.

So I got an email from the professor that took us to Irael and he said that the Greece trip is on for spring break. And he thinks it will be around $1800-2000. Thats a lot less than i originally thought it would be. ANyone else intereseted in going to Greece?? I'm still not positive I'm going but I really want to go!.. It just depends if I can be off of school during CCU's spring break and if I can get the money in time.

Thats all.

school dayz... woo hoo

So I'll let napolean dynamite help me out with this one... (click on the link)

http://www.reelwavs.com/movies/sounds/napoleon_dynamite/howwasschool.wav

Gotta love it!
Well maybe he is exaggerating... it wasn't the worst day of my life but it was freaking long. So here's my yesterday schedule:

7:30..Left for school, sat in traffic and got there in time for class
8:30-9:45.. psychology
9:50-10:45.. Went by the financial aid office and found out I'm getting no help this term..and the money is due next week. Loves it. I proceeded to find my next class but ended up in the cafeteria. Grabbed some chips and sat to read until
11:00-1:50..Chemistry. I hated it with a passion. I should be taking anatomy right now but because I didn't take both parts of chem in highschool I have to do them over. Suck. It was aweful. THe professor sort of looked like a muppet..I dont know their names so i cant tell you which one. 3 hours of sitting..hearing this guy talk about something that I probably should've been listening to. We did have two 15 min breaks in there.
2:00..left school and as I pulled out of the parking garage I saw that the price was $5 now instead of $2. Gorgeous. $10 a week... $40 a month... so about $90 for the term? I konw I'm whining... but I had it so good at CCU... school was paid for through financial aid and parking was free.
2:30-4:45..Worked at the good ol' orthodontist office. As much as i complain about this job i guess it really is a blessing because they are so flexible with me. But I guess they dont really have a choice.
5:00..left work and headed for evendale.
5:30-10:00..Nurses Aid class in the evendale campus. Praise the Lord that I dont have to go back to the main campus. And no..I didnt write it wrong..it really is a 4.5 hr class. Last night we had one 10 min break at like 630. So needless to say we were all getting pretty anxious to get out of there. I know that when we get further into it it wont be as bad because we will actually be doing things, but last night was the first night so they had to go over everything.
10:30..Got home, said hi to the parents, checked my email and went to sleep.

It was a long day. But its over...until I do it all again tomorrow. The good news is that only tuesdays should be like that. Thursdays I usually dont work (except for tomorrow) so I can jsut go to my grandmas (who lives in evendale 5 min from the evendale campus) and sleep or play games or whatever with her.
I absolutely hate the first week of school. I'd rather skip all the introduction stuff and get the point of being there. But it has to be done I guess.
Cincy state goes on terms and this one ends at the beginning of november. 2 months.

I'm terrified I'm gonna get finished with this term and not want to do nursing anymore. Please pray for God to reveal this to me!! (whether i should do it or not). Thanks all. Love you.