isn't this awesome...

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For those of you who think I'm a psyco for taking the time to do that... I didnt.
I actually got if off someone's webpage or something.

Much love...

...

i miss scotty

For Kristyn...

Don't get jaded now
Cause it ain't over
Before you know somehow
we're going to find some closure
I've been unwound
but I won't break
and I have found
it's not too late

So, don't get jaded now
the sun will rise
don't get jaded now
we will survive
don't get jaded now
we're still alive

i'm in need of resurrection
won't you please
bring new direction
cause, all my faith is nearly gone
and i'm so tired of holding on

but, don't get jaded now
the sun will rise
don't get jaded now
we are alive
don't get jaded now
we will survive

And oh it's been great trip
getting here
we all got lost in music
then came fear
and i'm so scared
but i can't be scared

i will make it through
you will make it through
i will make it through
yeah we'll make it through

don't get jaded now
don't get jaded now

i'm not scared
hold on
don't get jaded now the sun will rise

Jaded- Bleach

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
You'll make it through
i love you

HAPPY EASTER

I think I'm finally starting to be able to live life outside of Israel. Like all Ive done sinc eI've gottne back is show people pictures and talk about the trip. Ever since I got back from Israel i feel ive developed alot of cynical feelings about some things about church and certain people. I hated myself for how I've been feeling. Some people can think that way about things and it works for them. It doesnt for me. It completely tears up my head. ANd Ive totlaly been negative on things lately. Like YEC last wkend. Its always fun. but this year i wasnt even that excited. I enjoy the worship there so much every year but its like this year i totally closed myself off from any kind of touch from the spirit. I was numb to the whole thing and i couldnt make myself be real and worship. But its been like that for like a week and a half- not just yec.
Last night my dad was sort of in a bad mood and he blew up at me and said Ive been so negative lately and i never wanna do anything anymore. And its true. I have been like that. And i definitly havent been very pleasent around the fam. So last night i had to have a chat with the heavenly daddy and i thinkj we've worked things out.
I really enjoyed the easter service today. I think its sortof weird how some people only come to church on holidays like easter adn others dont come to church because its easter and theres too many people. But its not about the people. Its about the father. I would think us christians would be excited about easter. But appearantly not all are. You dont have to be so cynical. Not all christians are phony. Look inside them, dont just label everyone.

I love you

praise God for his son.
and his forgiveness.

Israel

Okay here goes the Israel rant...

The ENORMOUS question on everyone's mind is: Am I a changed person from this trip?

I dont know. Am I? Do you think I am? I went to places taht Jesus probably walked and I'm supposed to come back a different person? Maybe I have a better understanding about where and why things happened, but a changed person? I really dont know...

Its so different being there. All of my expectations and images in my mind of how things were supposed to look were soon demolished when they collided with the reality of the busyness and uncertain theories about where things happened. Its just crazy at some places. Take the Via Dolorosa, for example. (Thats the path Christ took before he was crucified.) THis is one place that in my mind was held so sacred. WHen we got there the whole way down the path was trampled with merchants trying to sell things and garbage lining the streets. It was discusting through there. So many people are so excited about hearing what it was like to see where jesus was crucified. I honestly wish I wouldnt have seen it. It really was interesting and all, but I would have rather kept it untouched in my imagination.
And the longer I was there, but not fully wanting to be at the time, I was thinking about how symbolic the busyness was...Its like God planned it that way so we would sort of understand how it was back then...trashy, exploited. Nobody cared. He was just another man to be crucified. They didnt understand.
Its not meant to be seen as a quiet, sacred place. Because thats not how its ever really been. How i saw it was probably a pretty good representation of how it was back in the day.

Many people were also excited that i was going to see the tomb (although there were a few theories ab. which was the real one). Its cool to be there and to see it and all, but it doesnt reallly matter if its real. HE'S NOT THERE. Its so not about any of the places we went to. Its about what happened there and why. One guy said that if God really wanted us to know where jesus was actually crucified and buried then he wouldve given us enough hints in the bible to find out. Again, it doesnt matter where it was, its WHY.

I apologize if nobody is following this.

So maybe I did change how I view things. I can now read stories in the bible and actually visualize where they happened. That is really cool. It makes the bible really come alive for me. It helps me to see these things as actual historical events instead of action packed fairy tales.

I would definitly say Israel was a success. At first when asked if I'd ever go back I replied with a harsh "HECK NO". But being back and thinkgin about all that we experienced, I think I'd ALMOST definitly go back. There is always more to learn. It was a great experience and i wouldnt trade it for anything in the world. I also had awesome girls with me which made it SO much fun. I'll try to post more pics later when i figure it all out..

Peace out


i just want to party all the time

Excuse me

I have been experimenting with the pic thing... i didnt know it was actually going to publish that picture, i didnt mean to do it.
That is a palace carved out of rock in Petra, Jordan..by the way.

The Palace 

Back

I AM alive. When I feel like pouring out my heart I'll let you know.

no reason to fear

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

...isn't that wonderful?!!

So we are leaving tomorrow, and this shall be my last blog for awhile. Again, keep us in prayer for safe traveling and still me bc my throat has continued to hurt.

Love you all.

very soon...

3 days left!! I still have to pack- i pretty much have all my stuff i just have to get it all together. I always turn ADD whne I pack for things, i get very distracted and it takes me a long time to get it all done. Im super syked to leave and to be FINISHED with highschool...but my throat has been hurting some the past few days and i have to get healed before we leave. Otherwise the plane trip will be such a pain. Im so afraid of losing things there or getting stuff stolen. But i think we will be fine.
Okay people- im so sick of the questionable comments about going over there rightnow. I understand some places arent the safest but I dont need to be reminded everytime I tell someone about it. If i was freaked out about it i wouldnt be going. GOD WILL PROTECT US. Where has everyone's faith gone these days? I'm sick of hearing about people worrying about us. Thereis no need. Stop wasting your time with worries and pray- it would do us and yourself more good. THere has also been a lot of encouragement which has been greatly appreciated.

I need to pack. Please pray for our safety and that we will all learn a heck of alot about God and ourselves. I know God has some huge things in store for us over there. Im very excited becuase I need a lot of guidance in my life right now.

a revelation

I'm done
Its God's job to change people, not mine

10 days

Only a week and a half until I'm finished with HS and in Israel. Wow thats all I've talked about on here. Today I had to go to the hospital to get an EKG. I have sparatic heart palpitations and we wanted to make sure it isnt anything more than we think. We will probably find out the end of this week but I really dont think they will find anything, It happens so infrequently. I still havent applied for college bc my mom is never able to do FASFA when I can. I'm feeling a little pressed, but I can always go back to school and work it all out with my counselor after Israel. Its just for some reason I feel i need to get it all done before I'm out of school. I am still thinking of settling on Raymond Walters (dont lecture me please) for like a year or so. But theres also 2 others I'm looking at for the moment-hint: one in Kentucky and the other in Virginia. I'm still waiting on a blatant sign from God where to go. But this has been a very long patience test that I'm sure I brought on myself for praying for patience at the beginning of all this. I konw my answer will come in his timing.

random thought

God is such an incredibly complex creator. If we are all made in his own image why do we even attempt or expect to fully understand ourselves?

15 days...
heck yes baby

the countdown continues...

In 20 days I will be on a plane to somewhere that I'm sure will change my life with 3 of my favorite people! And I will be out of highschool. It really is crazy. I havent even applied yet for college! I told myself I'd do it this week but i havent. NOt totally my fault- my moms been telling me to wait on her to do it- wait on her, huh...that could take months. I've been thinkign of sticking to Raymond Walters- and I know what some would like to say to me about taht-bc ive been so encouraged to go away, but i have my reasons. But you never know, there are last minute possibilities...those will remain on the DL for the time being.

I hate change.

I am so not looking forward to packing for Israel. I'm starting to make my list now. It's all coming up pretty fast.

By the way... GO PATRIOTS... GO EAGLES... for all my superbowl fans out there. (I could actually care less).

Goodnight. Dream with me...

the rest is up to you

Why don't you try to slow down?

'Cause I know you're hurting

So put down your burdens

Crucify your doubts and just reach out

Reach out to Jesus

Embrace him

Turn your life around to face him

You'll find mercy,

you'll see grace, love, and beauty

defined in his face.

Lyrics from "The Rest is Up To You" by Relient K

I cant believe that I only have 3.5 weeks left of highschool. It's so weird. Dont get be wrong, Im completely excited about it but at the same time I am freaking out. This is a huge change, but i know in like 5 years ill be thinking how much it wasnt a big deal. I havent even applied for college yet becuase im such a slacker...but I'll be doing that this week for sure.
Also, this means there are 3.5 weeks until Israel!! WOW. I really cant believe I'm going there. I've recieved like over half of what it costs in donations which is completely awesome and somewhat unexpected. Packing will be an adventure for sure. Which i should be thinking about pretty soon.

THeres your update.

See yall on the flip side..

Take a Look... Kinda creepy...

Have you ever heard songs played backwards to hear a message?
Many think they can only be satanic, others think differently.
CHeck this out...

www.miraclemessages.com

Amazed

I bring You my heart
I bring You my praise
I bring You my broken dreams
I've lost along the way
I lift up my voice
I lift up my hands
I lift up the moments in my life
That I don't understand
And I lay it at the cross
Where I'm surrounded by Your grace
And I marvel at the wonder of Your love

I stand amazed
I stand in awe
I stand forgiven in the midst of it all
Before You I bow
Before You I fall
Blessed Redeemer, Sweet Savior of all
I stand amazed

I offer You thanks
I offer my life
I offer a sacrifice of praise when I'm scattered by the night
For You are my shelter
You are my king
You are the risen Son of God
The Lord of everything
Now I'm standing at the cross
Where I'm surrounded by Your grace
And I marvel at the wonder of Your love

There is life in His body
There is grace in His blood
There is peace for the sinner
Given by God's love

I stand amazed


I Stand Amazed by GLASSBYRD

things going on

So what's going on?...

I've been reading "Wait For Me" by Rebecca St. James. GREAT book. I'm in love. I feel like relationships have been a theme for me the past few weeks. I actually had one for like a week, alittle before christmas. It obviously didnt last. It was crazy though, becuase if I should date anyone it should be this guy becuase he is the perfect guy to date. WOW. We went out like everyday for like 6 days straight, and he was great, but I just didnt have feelings for him romantically and i had to tell him. I really want to stay friends with him but I dont know if hanging out is gonna work anytime soon. I was really upset about initially breaking it off too, but I'm better now. Going along with relationships...tonight at prayer meeting a lady at church was telling us to pray for her husband- he is a christian but he doesnt live it and is a bad alcoholic. She was telling all us single folk to never marry a guy that doesnt love God. My heart broke for her. I cant even fathom what it would be like to finally marry the man you feel you are meant to love, then years later have so much difficulty and wonder why you married this man. College hasnt really been big on my mind the last few weeks. I've mainly been thinking about Israel (like 46 or so dayS!) and the end of highschool- no I'm not really sad. But I need to get in my applications. I have settled on Raymond Walters. I feel that I'm not erally supposed to leave yet- not just becuase of my own comfort things here, but I feel like I need to be here for the other highschool girls. Theres no other girls my age (though, not much younger) but Ive felt God tugging at me to start up a bible study or something for my girls that I havent yet gone through with. Also, I've been making friends! (Go ME!) I started taking this girl Brittany to school on Monday that lives in my neighborhood. She is a junior and i dont think she has a very good homelife. WE are hanging out Friday. So if you see me regularly, you may be seeing her around sometime soon too. Lets be a light to this girl! She in definite need of knowing about God's love. One more thing...prayer request.... my mom found out the other day that her best friend's granddaughter has been sexually abused by her dad's stepbrother. She is only 3 years old! It completely breaks my heart that she had to experience this at such a young age (or at all!). THey arent exactly sure what happened but she has to have surgery pretty soon becuase of it. The kid that did this is like 16. This little girl is gonna have to deal with all this emotional and psychological stuff for the rest of her life just becuase this kid was a little curious and sick in the head. It makes me so mad. Please pray for her and this situation. Her name is Melissa. It's been awhile so I had to update...thanks for hanging on with me. Love you all.

It's all good

Today I was thinking about some teenage drama i went through a few weeks ago and how proud of myself i am (and thankful that God was with me) that I came through it fine. i am so dependent on other people and I feel as though I have triumphed over this "trial" because two of the people I usually go to first (besides my sister) to talk to about stuff weren't really there for me at that time. So I had to totally give it all to God because I couldnt fully "unload" to the people i usually do. Which is what I really needed. I dont think I give God enough credit sometimes. He always shows me awesome revelations. A friend once told me sometime like if I continue to be so dependent on others that God will take people away from me to test me and show me that I dont need those people to get through life. And to force me to put my focus back on God to help me through things. And thats just what he did.

I do want those friends back, but it feels good to look back and see how I went through this trial with God's advice only, and I think all went well.
___________________________________________________________________

Your love's like candy
or like something I've never tasted before
You take me places
I never dreamed I could go

from "Candy" by Seventh Day Slumber