no reason to fear

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

...isn't that wonderful?!!

So we are leaving tomorrow, and this shall be my last blog for awhile. Again, keep us in prayer for safe traveling and still me bc my throat has continued to hurt.

Love you all.

very soon...

3 days left!! I still have to pack- i pretty much have all my stuff i just have to get it all together. I always turn ADD whne I pack for things, i get very distracted and it takes me a long time to get it all done. Im super syked to leave and to be FINISHED with highschool...but my throat has been hurting some the past few days and i have to get healed before we leave. Otherwise the plane trip will be such a pain. Im so afraid of losing things there or getting stuff stolen. But i think we will be fine.
Okay people- im so sick of the questionable comments about going over there rightnow. I understand some places arent the safest but I dont need to be reminded everytime I tell someone about it. If i was freaked out about it i wouldnt be going. GOD WILL PROTECT US. Where has everyone's faith gone these days? I'm sick of hearing about people worrying about us. Thereis no need. Stop wasting your time with worries and pray- it would do us and yourself more good. THere has also been a lot of encouragement which has been greatly appreciated.

I need to pack. Please pray for our safety and that we will all learn a heck of alot about God and ourselves. I know God has some huge things in store for us over there. Im very excited becuase I need a lot of guidance in my life right now.

a revelation

I'm done
Its God's job to change people, not mine

10 days

Only a week and a half until I'm finished with HS and in Israel. Wow thats all I've talked about on here. Today I had to go to the hospital to get an EKG. I have sparatic heart palpitations and we wanted to make sure it isnt anything more than we think. We will probably find out the end of this week but I really dont think they will find anything, It happens so infrequently. I still havent applied for college bc my mom is never able to do FASFA when I can. I'm feeling a little pressed, but I can always go back to school and work it all out with my counselor after Israel. Its just for some reason I feel i need to get it all done before I'm out of school. I am still thinking of settling on Raymond Walters (dont lecture me please) for like a year or so. But theres also 2 others I'm looking at for the moment-hint: one in Kentucky and the other in Virginia. I'm still waiting on a blatant sign from God where to go. But this has been a very long patience test that I'm sure I brought on myself for praying for patience at the beginning of all this. I konw my answer will come in his timing.

random thought

God is such an incredibly complex creator. If we are all made in his own image why do we even attempt or expect to fully understand ourselves?

15 days...
heck yes baby

the countdown continues...

In 20 days I will be on a plane to somewhere that I'm sure will change my life with 3 of my favorite people! And I will be out of highschool. It really is crazy. I havent even applied yet for college! I told myself I'd do it this week but i havent. NOt totally my fault- my moms been telling me to wait on her to do it- wait on her, huh...that could take months. I've been thinkign of sticking to Raymond Walters- and I know what some would like to say to me about taht-bc ive been so encouraged to go away, but i have my reasons. But you never know, there are last minute possibilities...those will remain on the DL for the time being.

I hate change.

I am so not looking forward to packing for Israel. I'm starting to make my list now. It's all coming up pretty fast.

By the way... GO PATRIOTS... GO EAGLES... for all my superbowl fans out there. (I could actually care less).

Goodnight. Dream with me...

the rest is up to you

Why don't you try to slow down?

'Cause I know you're hurting

So put down your burdens

Crucify your doubts and just reach out

Reach out to Jesus

Embrace him

Turn your life around to face him

You'll find mercy,

you'll see grace, love, and beauty

defined in his face.

Lyrics from "The Rest is Up To You" by Relient K

I cant believe that I only have 3.5 weeks left of highschool. It's so weird. Dont get be wrong, Im completely excited about it but at the same time I am freaking out. This is a huge change, but i know in like 5 years ill be thinking how much it wasnt a big deal. I havent even applied for college yet becuase im such a slacker...but I'll be doing that this week for sure.
Also, this means there are 3.5 weeks until Israel!! WOW. I really cant believe I'm going there. I've recieved like over half of what it costs in donations which is completely awesome and somewhat unexpected. Packing will be an adventure for sure. Which i should be thinking about pretty soon.

THeres your update.

See yall on the flip side..

Take a Look... Kinda creepy...

Have you ever heard songs played backwards to hear a message?
Many think they can only be satanic, others think differently.
CHeck this out...

www.miraclemessages.com

Amazed

I bring You my heart
I bring You my praise
I bring You my broken dreams
I've lost along the way
I lift up my voice
I lift up my hands
I lift up the moments in my life
That I don't understand
And I lay it at the cross
Where I'm surrounded by Your grace
And I marvel at the wonder of Your love

I stand amazed
I stand in awe
I stand forgiven in the midst of it all
Before You I bow
Before You I fall
Blessed Redeemer, Sweet Savior of all
I stand amazed

I offer You thanks
I offer my life
I offer a sacrifice of praise when I'm scattered by the night
For You are my shelter
You are my king
You are the risen Son of God
The Lord of everything
Now I'm standing at the cross
Where I'm surrounded by Your grace
And I marvel at the wonder of Your love

There is life in His body
There is grace in His blood
There is peace for the sinner
Given by God's love

I stand amazed


I Stand Amazed by GLASSBYRD

things going on

So what's going on?...

I've been reading "Wait For Me" by Rebecca St. James. GREAT book. I'm in love. I feel like relationships have been a theme for me the past few weeks. I actually had one for like a week, alittle before christmas. It obviously didnt last. It was crazy though, becuase if I should date anyone it should be this guy becuase he is the perfect guy to date. WOW. We went out like everyday for like 6 days straight, and he was great, but I just didnt have feelings for him romantically and i had to tell him. I really want to stay friends with him but I dont know if hanging out is gonna work anytime soon. I was really upset about initially breaking it off too, but I'm better now. Going along with relationships...tonight at prayer meeting a lady at church was telling us to pray for her husband- he is a christian but he doesnt live it and is a bad alcoholic. She was telling all us single folk to never marry a guy that doesnt love God. My heart broke for her. I cant even fathom what it would be like to finally marry the man you feel you are meant to love, then years later have so much difficulty and wonder why you married this man. College hasnt really been big on my mind the last few weeks. I've mainly been thinking about Israel (like 46 or so dayS!) and the end of highschool- no I'm not really sad. But I need to get in my applications. I have settled on Raymond Walters. I feel that I'm not erally supposed to leave yet- not just becuase of my own comfort things here, but I feel like I need to be here for the other highschool girls. Theres no other girls my age (though, not much younger) but Ive felt God tugging at me to start up a bible study or something for my girls that I havent yet gone through with. Also, I've been making friends! (Go ME!) I started taking this girl Brittany to school on Monday that lives in my neighborhood. She is a junior and i dont think she has a very good homelife. WE are hanging out Friday. So if you see me regularly, you may be seeing her around sometime soon too. Lets be a light to this girl! She in definite need of knowing about God's love. One more thing...prayer request.... my mom found out the other day that her best friend's granddaughter has been sexually abused by her dad's stepbrother. She is only 3 years old! It completely breaks my heart that she had to experience this at such a young age (or at all!). THey arent exactly sure what happened but she has to have surgery pretty soon becuase of it. The kid that did this is like 16. This little girl is gonna have to deal with all this emotional and psychological stuff for the rest of her life just becuase this kid was a little curious and sick in the head. It makes me so mad. Please pray for her and this situation. Her name is Melissa. It's been awhile so I had to update...thanks for hanging on with me. Love you all.

It's all good

Today I was thinking about some teenage drama i went through a few weeks ago and how proud of myself i am (and thankful that God was with me) that I came through it fine. i am so dependent on other people and I feel as though I have triumphed over this "trial" because two of the people I usually go to first (besides my sister) to talk to about stuff weren't really there for me at that time. So I had to totally give it all to God because I couldnt fully "unload" to the people i usually do. Which is what I really needed. I dont think I give God enough credit sometimes. He always shows me awesome revelations. A friend once told me sometime like if I continue to be so dependent on others that God will take people away from me to test me and show me that I dont need those people to get through life. And to force me to put my focus back on God to help me through things. And thats just what he did.

I do want those friends back, but it feels good to look back and see how I went through this trial with God's advice only, and I think all went well.
___________________________________________________________________

Your love's like candy
or like something I've never tasted before
You take me places
I never dreamed I could go

from "Candy" by Seventh Day Slumber

note to self...

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.
Psalm 55:22

Jesus loves us all

God speaks, so listen

God speaks again and again, though people do not recognize it. He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in bed. He whispers in their ear and terrifies them with his warning. He causes them to change their minds; he keeps them from pride. He keeps them from the grave, from crossing over the river of death. Or God disciplines people with sickness and pain, with ceaseless aching in their bones. They lose their appetite and do not care for even the most delicious food. They waste away to skin and bones. They are at death's door; the angels of death wait for them. "But if a special messenger from heaven is there to intercede for a person, to declare that he is upright, God will be gracious and say, `Set him free. Do not make him die, for I have found a ransom for his life.' Then his body will become as healthy as a child's, firm and youthful again. When he prays to God, he will be accepted. And God will receive him with joy and restore him to good standing. He will declare to his friends, `I sinned, but it was not worth it. God rescued me from the grave, and now my life is filled with light.' "Yes, God often does these things for people. He rescues them from the grave so they may live in the light of the living.

Job 33:14-30

birthday/mine is today

The greatest birthday gift I recieved today was the assurance that I am going to Israel! Apparently all the airline junk is all worked out and its a sure thing. What a relief.

Getting a car radio/cd player was also a huge plus :)

Oceans 12 came out today- i havent seen it yet but I totally cant wait until i do!

I'm out.
Peace to your mom...

Undecided

So I've been trying to be more open and willing to look at colleges- here and away... I know my deadline is real soon, but i also know that it doesnt have to be. Its just a little crazy sitting at lunch with some girls and they are all talking about what colleges theyve been accepted to and may be going... and I havent even applied yet. I know thats totally my fault- I've obviously been putting it all off- for way too long now. I just need guidance...

I will be turning 18 in 3 days and will be semi-officially an adult. The sad thing about this is that I am completely dependant and dont know how to do anything on my own. I definitly dont feel like an adult at all. I feel like I should still be a freshman in highschool- I basically have the same mind-set about my future as I did then, which is completely pathetic. Maybe its just the fact that I'm so content with my life right now(for the most part). And its so hard to think about doing anything else but go to school at Mason for like 6 or 7 hours everyday- thats all I've known for 13 years. Change is crazy. It will be good for me, Iknow, but I hate the thought of it right now.

I already know what you'd (whoever is reading this) may say or what advice you'd give-- which is probably the same as usual since this undesired topic of college comes up so involuntarily often. But if you think you've got something I havent heard yet, go ahead and take your best shot. I'll love you for it anyway:)

I dont want sympathy- I definitly dont expect it anyway. I just need prayer.

Faith is believing in the things unseen

So today I went shopping with my parents. Not as bad as it could have been- some of the time was fun. Somehow, as my dad and I were waiting on my mom as she was chatting with someone (not unusual), we got on the topic of college. My dad said that he thinks maybe it would be good for me to get away because he thinks they (my parents) are "getting" to me. So basically he senses my sparatic irritation with my mom...which actually happens more often than not. I've been so reluctant to think about college and I partially decided on Raymond Walters just as a "settlement" or decision just to get away from having to make big changes, I guess. Maybe I just needed my dad's "ok" to feel better about leaving them. I'm so incredibly dependent though, it's discusting. I'm still debating, but seriously contemplating going away- which the idea I absolutely loathed just a few months ago. Money is also a big issue for me- but I realize (with many people to tell me) that God will take care of it if it's supposed to be. Just like Israel! I never thought I would ever be able to go but I've already recieved like $900 in donations! I absolutely still cannot believe that.
Oh and please pray that I CAN go to Israel because of checks being lost/airlines may be booked... I dont konw whats going on but please pray about that.

Anyway... I love you... have a wicked awesome relaxing weekend. You need it.

Hebrews 11:1,3
What is Faith? Its the confident assurance that something we want is going to happen. Its the certainty that what we hope for is waiting for us, even though we can't see it up ahead... by faith- by believing in God- we know that the world and stars- in fact, all things- were made at God's command; and that they were all made from things that can't be seen.

power

Philippians 1:20-24 (Living Bible)

For I live in eager expectation and hope that I will never do anything that will cause me to be ashamed of myself but that I will always be ready to speak out boldly for Christ while I am going through all these trials here, just as I have in the past; and that I will always be an honor to Christ; whether I live or whether I must die. For to me, living means opportunities for Christ, and dying- well, that's better yet! But if living will give me more opportunities to win people to Christ, then I really dont know which is better, to live or die! Somtimes I want to live and at other times I dont, for I long to go and be with Christ. How much happier for me than being here! But the fact is that I can be of more help to you by staying!
_____________________________________________________________________

I've been really into praying lately. It's been so awesome. Every day I have like 4 or 5 different people in mind to pray for- and I write them on my hand or something so that every time i remember throughout the day I will pray for them. What is more of a blessing than praying for someone? (besides being prayed for). I encourage anyone that may read this to think more seriously about prayer and how powerful it really is. Think of all the unsaved, and the many that may be lonely or just need encouragement or a friend to talk to. Never forget to pray for them! Even the people that seem like they've got it all together need prayer. Nobody is perfect. Thank you Lord for allowing us to come and talk to you!

OH how he moves

This long weekend has been great. I went into the 24- God conference thinking about how we were gonna fit so many people into our small (but precious) church and basically not thinking it would be that different from last year's in Campbellsville. Those of you that were there know that it was OH so different. It had the potential to be disappointing because only a few of our kids showed up and like 5 kids from KY. But something wasnt letting my spirit fall- I knew thats how many people were supposed to be there and that it didnt matter about numbers anyway. I was just syked because a friend that has been having some problems was there because her mom made her come. But I wasnt about to let her be in a bad mood or not have fun- I think she had fun- I tried. I feel like God was working in her heart while we were there. I prayed with her one night and we both cried- her family is going through some rough times. I'm just afraid that she isnt fully accepting the change she knows she needs to do- that she maybe doesnt realize how real God truly is and how much he cares for her and loves her unconditionally. I just hope she really got something out of this weekend. I did.
I learned I have a passion for people...and compassion for people. It hurts me sometimes to see their pain, but at the same time I am thankful that God has given me this gift to care for others.

Some may still look back on this conference thing and think of how many other people shouldve been there and maybe think it was a waste of time or something because we had so few of even our own kids there. But I saw God work and I konw that hearts were touched. His holy conviction was working through many- whether some made it obvious or not. I'm so thankful for having the opportunity to have gone and been touched by the unconditional lover of my heart. I will never get to where I want to be in my spiritual journey- I could never be close enough to the father. But I know that he loves me no matter how little I read his word or how prideful I may be at times, or even when I choose to think about the comfort of my future husband rather than the unconditional comfort, love, peace, and so much more, that my holy husband will forever provide me with.

I love my friends. They are so awesome. I am so incredibly blessed to have friends that care for me so much and that I care for. I pray that I never ever take any of them for granted.
I also have a great family that I dont always appreciate. Thank you Lord for my family!

I needed this weekend. It's been awhile.

THANKSGIVING

I dont feel like anyone even reads this anymore but whatever... I still feel like writing. Happy Thanksgiving!! Today has been a good, relaxing day with the fam. I feel like I've been reluctant to accept that Christmas is coming. I don't know why though, I always love Christmas. But the past few days have begun to put me in the christmas mood and I'm half-mentally prepared. But I dont have much money to spend on other people and I'm not really expecting much this year either. But It will be good just to be with the family an dmake junk food :) I think me and my sis are going to make a gingerbread house this year! It'll be great. THE END.