spoiled americans

Hey all! Got back this afternoon... had a great trip and I cant wait to talk with all of you! Summary:: beaches..eco resort.. suntan.. broken toe.. hiking..proposal..fire ants..lizards..desolation and boiling lakes.. waterfalls.. abandoned puppies..laid back locals..hitchhiking.. beautiful sunsets.. eastern caribbean dollars= a funtime in paradise.
When i have time I'll unleash all of the great adventures that took place... until then I'll leave you in suspense.

i love you love you
***

farewell old friends

Going on a trip.. leaving tuesday morning at 530a out of lexington. Going to an island in the caribbean called Dominica (not dominican republic).. here is where we will be staying... check it out.. but dont be scared for me :) we're prepared..
www.3riversdominica.com

I'll be home on the 17th i think... will be missing first day of class...ooops...ill get over it.
I'll tell you all about it when i get back.

love you all...would like to say i'll be thinking of you but..hmm.. ill be on the beach so ill have other things on my mind :)

love you love you... peace

learning to overcome

Today I went running... yes, outside.. cold with wind blowing me like crazy. I've been running on this track this week at a park on tylersville.. i absolutely love it. Its quiet and serene and its just gorgeous with a huge pond in the middle and hills all around. Its like the only quiet place within the loud business of the mason/westchester area.
I love going there because its like my time to get away and usually i talk to God about the issues going on in my head. I've really been slacking on God-communication the past few months so this week has been refreshing.
So I was walking/running this 1.5 mile track, enjoying the nature around me, talking to God...asking him why I feel like its so hard to hear him. I released more frusterations on the way....
so here's the point of all this..
by the end of the run he was telling me that we will always encounter opposition and trials. Sometimes they will be so freaking hard for us that we feel as though we're gonna get knocked down and never be brought back up. We can either choose to fight through it...using God's strength to help us overcome whatever's against us, or we can give up, lose the fight and feel like crap for it. But if we choose to fight through it, in the end there will be a sweet reward. But we may not see it for awhile. The trials may last a while, seem to die down, then come back full force once again. And we may feel like all our strength and care is gone... thats when we should be desperate for God's help in the situation.. and decide to make it a team effort with Him, instead to fight it out alone and end up giving up. When we fight using God's strength we WILL overcome and grow stronger in the end.

So I'm definitly not saying I'm to that fighting point yet. But I'm sort of working towards it I guess. I'm not really even sure how to fight through everything. So as for now, I've stayed numb to it all so that I dont have to deal with it. I guess if I become smart enough to stay in constant communication with God, he will teach me how I can overcome.



"Goodnight she said, I'm gonna start a revolution. And you can be the start of it, it's in my head"

happy hanukah

So I guess its time for another lame post.
I'm on Christmas break which is awesome. NO MORE FINALS. Until next semester.
Let's see...
We went to the lebanon animal shelter today... so sad.. iwant to take home every animal there. We (lindsay and I) found a dog we love. It was like a golden retriever mix i think, 8 months old named Charlie. How cute is that? I've wanted a dog named that. The reason it was given up was bc he was too hyper... carol and anyone else around judah can vouch that any puppy has a ton of energy. Its sad that those people couldnt just train him. We also walked by the kittens and there was one named Josh... haha..how weird is that? Who takes a kitten home like "hmm... I think I'll name this one Josh.. sounds like a great cat name." Linz and I decided I would be a good cat owner... hmm..
Movies: I went to see Dick and Jane today.. pretty funny. I love Jim Carrey.
Though I would have to say that Just Friends was probably the funniest movie I've seen all year, so far. Or close to it at least.
Music: I'm still totally into Eisley. They just have this mesmerizing sound that I cant get away from. I'm in love.
Issues: Still there, I just choose to ignore them. Maybe not even choose... it just happens because I'm not exactly sure what to do. But actually... I THANK GOD for what we've all been going through because so many people are growing and finding themselves through all of this. And I think we've all grown as friends too. I'm so blessed to have such awesome friends.

So christmas is almost here. I think the "Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays" rivalry thing is fading. I called Walmart the other day to ask about something and the lady said "Merry Christmas, this is walmart, how can I help you?" My mom said they probably have to say it now because of all the boycotts. But whatever... that issue is dying down I think.. Lets face it people.. whether people say merry christmas or not.. it still doesnt mean they understnad the meaning of christmas. So shouldnt we be more focused on showing them the meaning, instead of attacking them for what they say? I'm done.. theres been too much said about this issue already..

so MERRY CHRISTMAS. Happy Birthday Jesus (who's actual birth most likely wasnt the 25th of december.. )
Lets celebrate his birthday by putting small lights around a pine tree, eating a lot of junk food, and giving eachother gifts :)
so where the heck did we get santa and pine trees? Jesus...santa...trees...i dont really see an obvious connection here.

I'm growing bored.


i still can't resist the jimmy fallon

update

i guess its been awhile since I've written anything worth reading. Not that I can really say this will be either. So saturday was my birthday-yay- I'm a year older than last year. And yet, I still feel 16. So how did my day go? Well I woke up saturday at 430am with an unsettled stomach, walked to the bathroom and puked. 5am went back to sleep. 7am woke up to go to work. worked from 8-12. Met ashley for lunch later. watched some of upright citizens brigade (I love amy poehler). Went to dinner at carabbas with the fam(+)bretts new gal. Went to see narnia and just friends later with fam(-)the parents(+)some of bretts friends. Narnia was slow... but good. Just friends was just as hilarious the 2nd time around (which i had seen just the day before). Birthdays just arent that much fun anymore. Well I dont mean that... i mean they arent a big deal. But i really appreciate all of my friends and fam that contributed to my bday this weekend. Even if you didnt, I love you SO MUCH! thanks for being my friend :) Ummm... well thats all i feel like expressing. I LOVE YOU LOVE YOU!! party all the time :)

random convo of the day...

REPENT:
Me: I have bitter feelings toward a friend.
God: I have a perfect operational record.
Me: Oh really?
God: Yes, of course.
Me: That’s awesome.
God: Who is the best robot?
Me: The terminator?
God: I can’t believe you think the terminator is better than God.
Me: God is not a robot.



http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

**

it hurts to be so foolish

I did it.

There was no communication and an awkward gap in the friendship... so I emailed him wiht my thoughts...which is what i thought was a good idea at the time. I figured that was the closest I could do to rekindling any kind of friendship...
it didnt work out.
I think i just made things worse.
My venting probably sounded more like an attack to him...
I was reading in Proverbs this week and read "wise men keep their mouths shut" (my own translation).. I shouldve done that. It wouldve stayed an unspoken quarrel for who knows how long.. but thast probably better than how it is now.. and stupid me got someone else involved by just a mention of his name...again Im sorry.. it has nothing at all to do with you.

I'm sorry for being incredibly vague here.. but i know some of you know what im talking about ... and for the others.. be glad you dont.
Its all senseless drama.

I'm so sick of talking about it. But at the same time... I'm desperate to share my thoughts.

Why did i have to open my mouth? Ive told people many times.. oh im totally over it and i dont even care if we're friends anymore.. which i realy dont care.. but id rather things be unspoken than having one party so incredibly irate, cursing my name to others.
It hurts to be hated. But i know its my fault.

God, I know youre in control... bring peace on this situation. It'll take a MIRACLE to work things out.


what if all of it is my fault?

the introvert syndrome

So you want to understand me?...

http://www.jonathanrauch.com/jrauch_articles/caring_for_your_introvert/


and all this time I thought something was wrong with me...
***

"A Christian is someone that doesn’t understand everything about life, but holds on to the faith that they have to get through the doubt"

rundowntown

I was told to journal my Georgia journey this week...

Tuesday: we (mom,dad, i) left the 'nati around8:30a, arrived at our destination in georgia around 5p. We met the gparents at hotel and went to eat at macaroni grill. They used to live here like 12 years ago and my grandma hadnt seen her sister since then... and she got to spend 3 days with her before we got there. They had sucha great time together.
highlight of tuesday: my gma fell in love with our 17-18 year old waiter from mac grill- ha.. she got his addressso that she can write him or something? I wouldnt doubt if she and g-pa send him money to go to culinary school. Oh g-parents. They are too funny.
Wednesday: we visited my g-mas cousin and uncle (who is 90-something) and other family. It was such a great reunion. (I had never met them before). It had been over 40 years since my g-ma had seen her uncle! Then we went to see where my g-pa grew up and its funny because he still remembered his way around those parts... its been years since hes been back.
Thursday: thanksgiving at my dad's cousins house... saw more of his couisns and their parents (my g-mas sister and hub). The outlets opened at midnight so of course me, my bro and the only 2 cousins there our age took advantage of that one. But it was so incredibly packed! Gap had like an hour wait line and there was like no room to move. Absolutely craziness.. but fun.. we got back to the hotel around 3:30a.
Friday: pretty much the same as thursday, hung out at my dads cousins house. Good homemade ice cream!
Saturday: woke at 430a to take the g-parents to the airport and start our journey home. We got back around 3-something pm.

And thats that.

I'm glad to be home. I've been looking forward to this week to be over bc its like i havent had a not-busy wekend since... well since school started i guess. And this weekend i have NO plans.. yet... but if i make some at least it will be something i want to do.. something relaxing for sure.

I'm really missing my girls. we HAVE to get together soon! So to reiterate... CAROL AND CHERYL.. you have to provide some dates taht would suit you best and we'll go from there... cuz you all seem to be the busiest.. in a few weeks we'll have christmas break so that frees up a lot of time for some of us that would have to worry about school nonsense. So yes... girls night.. i have been craving one for awhile. lets do this :)

life is... good. To end on a cheezy "thanksgiving" note... I am so incredibly thankful for my beautiful, loving family, and absolutely wonderful friends.

you're loved..i hope you know it.



"Yes.. i have a craving for puttin some bees in my mouth"

the thirst is taking over

"This season has been a time where my soul has been searching among a parched land. Every attempt has been exhausted by life's stripping circumstance. But through the uniting of our passions God has consumed my heart with an abundance of water. I know that until i worship and fall humbly before the lord most God I will stay forever thirsty. The Lord quenches our lack of with the pressing desires He writes on the tablets of our heart. Jeremiah 33:3 says, 'Call to me and I will answer you and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.' I had never truly grasped how to love the Lord, beyond my taught expression, until now that God is leading me to the Promised Land. From the world's lens our passion seems crazy and somewhat impossible, but from the lens of the Lord our passion is divine and is ordained. Today, I was reading in Psalm 71:20 and it says, 'You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again.'"


A friend of mine (well, my brother's female "friend") blogged this recently... I just felt the need to share... like maybe it would speak to somebody reading this.
Because it spoke to me.

I really love you all more than you know.


From the world's lens our passion seems crazy and somewhat impossible, but from the lens of the Lord our passion is divine and ordained.

lights will guide you home

So…. I have been genuine-blog absent for awhile. A lot has been going on. My grandparents from Colorado are in town. That’s been really good to see them. They used to live in the nasty ‘nat but havent been back for 6 years. We went to visit them 2 years ago in Denver.
God has such great timing. Although things have been quite busy around here this is like the most perfect time for them to be here…there has been a lot of negative things on my mind lately that have to do with…things… and with my adorable grandparents here I havent thought about this junk nearly as much as I probably would have if they weren’t here.

I’ll be 19 next month. Yes, this is apparently a reminder of how much older most of you are than me. SURPRISE!! I’m not really your age! I’ll be 19 and I still feel 16 in many ways. I think I always will. This has definitely been the most challenging year of my life..spiritually speaking. I’ve had a lot of questions…a lot of doubt… a freaking yacht load of cynicism (yes, more so than normal). And at times I would agree that “innocence is bliss”. But in the end, I guess all the not knowing and confusion pays off. Maybe I’m not to that “pay off” point yet, but I know its down the road there somewhere.
So my biggest question the past few days is ..what is YOUR definition of spiritual awakening? Those two words have been plaguing my mind for days. I don’t know what it is… oh wait,, yes I do.
One said they were thankful for the spiritual awakening that was upon us…as I am still waiting for it to happen. Is it happening and I’m neglecting to see it? Is it just in this person’s life and not mine at this moment in time?

PERCEPTION

That’s a scary thing. We are all made differently and we naturally have different perceptions of things. I’m so glad that God is a genius and knows what he’s doing. I wish I knew what was going on. But again, he knows what he’s doing and apparently feels it best not to let me in on the “whys” of things right now. I’ve been praying for peace and I think he’s giving it to me a little at a time.. Slowly.. But its coming.


This goes out to a faithful few...

"Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way--in all your speaking and in all your knowledge-- because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful."
--1 Corinthians 1:4-9

love you buddy

my heart speaks before I know what it will say

Some thoughts I composed on paper earlier today...



There is certain music that stirs up something deep inside me to write. But I'm not satisfied with my writing so it gets very frustrating. Why?

God, I so badly want to be a writer. A writer with a purpose.

What is my purpose?

I want to be a photographer.
I want to capture those priceless, innocent moments on film.

I want to keep those breathtaking sunsets, seascapes with me forever

everywhere I go.

I want to be a constantly humbled servant for You.

I want to serve somewhere other than here.

I feel so confined here.

Like I think I know what people think of me and define myself as that. By being paralyzed and crippled by what I think others are thinking of me I forbid myself to live out my full potential.

I forget who I really am and adopt something

or someone else as my own.

I feel so confined here. “Here” as being many things…

including certain areas of my own mind

or even at this school..

this church..

this life.

We were all made for something much greater. That is why we so often times feel so dissatisfied with times in our lives. We just have to find what that “greater” thing is for each of us.

I want to help people.

But how can I do that while feeling so helpless myself?

I always feel as though I can’t and will never have what it takes to fulfill my dreams, my passions. But many of them I believe are also

God’s passions within me.

So why would he put these desires in my heart if I couldnt act on them? You are right, He wouldn’t. Its just times like these I need a big smack across the face and a wrench to open my ears and listen to my own advice. And of course, advice of others.

I want to be a poet.

But I cant find the words to paint the pictures that are inside my head.

I want to be free… from the box I have put myself in.
I want to be responsible enough to make my own decisions.
I want to be positive in those decisions.

I want to feel the peace of God there.

Peace that passes all understanding.

“I don’t want to feel as though my life were sojourn any longer. That philosophy cannot

be true which so paints it. It is time now that I begin to live.”

*Henry David Thoreau

she most likely doesn't read this, but....

HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY LINDSAY MARIE!!

ahhh I'm emotional

“My Lord God,
I have no idea where I’m going. [Or what I’m doing.]

I do not see the road ahead of me
Nor do I really know myself,
And the fact that I think I am following your will
Does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
Does in fact please you.

And I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,
You will lead me by the right road
Though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always.
Though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
And you will never leave me to face my struggles alone.”




i guess its not appropriate to blog my true feelings aside from this, so I'll keep it in.


frusteration is the word of the month

"tomorrow your life might change completely, tomorrow you may experience the world in a whole new light, tomorrow things might just remain the same, but one thing is for sure we never know what tomorrow might bring..."

i think i have experienced the world in a whole new light


i love you buddy

i hate when people die

So I just found out that this guy (Jamie) that was like part of our family died this morning. He was 35 years old and had downsyndrome. He was the one of the sweetest people I've ever known. He always hugged everyone whenever he came around... he tried to play guitar and sing (he just strummed and we couldnt really understand what he was saying..but it was funny). He absolutely adored my mom. My parents went to see him last night because they hadnt in awhile and my mom said he seemed fine..like he wasnt even sick at all... showing them around the home.. introducing friends. Then my mom gets a call this morning from my grandpa (he takes care of Jamie's grandma) saying that Jamie had a seizure early this morning and died. I am absolutely shocked... this has really hit me harder than i thought it would. His grandma is really old-- she's the one that basically took care of him when he wasnt in the home cuz both his parents died when he was younger. I dont think she'll live very long now bc he was her life. His funeral is friday and I'll probbaly skip my 11am class to go. I hate funerals. i hate death.
But he has a new body now.. no more downsyndrome.

On a not-depressing note... this week should be good... good meaning better than last week. Last thurs i took my english midterm and tomorrow I'm going in for a 5 min conference with the prof... so i dont have to be there till 11:45.. which rocks my world. Unless i go to chapel at 10. And I dont have class thursday bc he will still have conferences. I'm excited. I'm not exactly fond of that class.
And I get to go to prayer meeting wednesday- bc the kid i babysit for will be out of town.
My ACTS midterm is wednesday.. sorta scared. But i think i will do well.
Then the funeral friday, hayride saturday, helping out with movie night sunday (if yall need it), and halloween is already monday!
This is random but my grandpaernts are coming in for thanksgiving on nov. 7! I havent seen them in like 2 years. And we are all going to georgia for thanksgivng to see other family. Should be fun.
I hope you enjoyed my update.
love you.


i want a bee beard

restless

There's a burning in my heart everyday
I come to you
I look to you and say
When will I become everything
that you've intended me to be
I'm beating at my chest everyday
I run to you
I come to you and say
When will I become everything
that you've intended me to be
I am so tired, I am so beaten
From walking down the road of shattered dreams
I am so lonely I am so broken

Won't you come

won't you rescue me

I am so tired
I am so tired

[I'll be the light inside of you and won't let go of you]

Come rescue me

won't you come, won't you come

I'm calling out your name
_________________________________________________________________________

So recently I've been feeling like WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING WITH MY LIFE? Yes, I'm going to school. But am I gonna stay here and major in some sort of missions? or transfer and major in something else that I could actually fall back on if I didnt do anything missions-related. I mean..you dont HAVE to have a degree to be in the ministry but you do have to have one to be able to do anything else worth making a living from. I like this school and all but is this where I'm supposed to be? And how much longer will i be able to drive this everyday? And i really cant afford to live anywhere else right now with my low income. Sometimes I just feel like there are other things I should be doing than this. But what?
I begin to feel stagnant in life and my walk and have this thought to just rebel or something. But who am I kidding... the worst I would rebel is to like get another piercing... oooohhhh... i know.. thatd realy be a shocker. So becuase of my lack of rebelious side I become desperate and (A) either let myself go crazy (it has happened before)... or (B) throw myself back into the arms of my loving God who i know is always there..here..everywhere..just waiting for me to come back.
I hate that I'm constantly disappointing Him because I tear myself down all the time and dont have faith in myself to do things... and all the time he is getting frusterated with me because he has so much confidence in me that I dont see. He knows what I can do and has chosen me to follow him because He has faith in me.
So what kind of a loser am i to have such low self-confidence sometimes when He is right next to me screaming "I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT".


"We must make our lives extraordinary"

drowning for a second

The start of a new week.

.....Midterms.....Speeches. .........Papers.....

Needless to say I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed.
Its sucks being such a procrastinator.

Semester half way over.

Thank God.



when will I become what you've intended me to be?
translation:: what the heck am i supposed to do with my life?

my evening...

I babysat my neighbor tonight for the 2nd time. He's 7 years old and his parents are divorced- he lives with his mom, dad lives in Colorado. Well we were watching a movie and his dad called. They talked about what Luke did at school for like 15 min then the convo changed. Luke said something to his dad about him yelling at his mom on the phone and how he shouldnt do that. They went on in this conversation for like 40 min about his dad not respecting his mom bc he yells at her and calls her bad names (as Luke said "the B.I. word"). Luke told him over and over to "not say mean things to her. It hurts her and me. If you're going to say mean things then shut your mouth and dont say a word. If you call her, only say nice things becuase thats why you call to talk to someone. Promise you wont say any mean things anymore." It was so strange. For about 40 minutes i forgot that i was babysitting a 7 year old. He sounded like an adult talking to another adult. He was telling his father to be respectful and nice, never to say anythign mean or yell...things he probably even learned from his dad. It just broke my heart. I wanted to take away the phone and scream "JUST LISTEN TO YOUR KID!!" Towards the end of the convo he started breaking down so he went upstair but i could still hear him talking. He was getting so frusterated bc his father was apparently trying to explain why he yelled (bc his mom said mean things too) and justify it. But all Luke could say is "but you dont have to say mean things to her!" What a great son.. trying to help his parents and all his dad sees is him attacking him. My heart goes out to this family. I think its been 2 years since the divorce. Both parents are dating others. I saw tonight how hard it really is on this kid. He is the mediator for his parents and it shouldnt be like that. He didnt ask to be in the middle of it all. Please pray for Luke and his parents. Mom is Sandy.. dont know Dads name. Thanks.

i wanna get my ears pierced

amy poehler
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

First of all I want to start out saying how excited I am that saturday night live is on right now... I'm such a dork and totally obsessed with this show!!

amy peohler is my hero.

I've seemed to be pretty busy lately. But good busy I guess. School isn't too stressful yet or anything, although I do have mid-terms coming up in a few weeks.
Tonight was fun.. i took my cousin out for her birthday.. we didnt really end up doing what I planned but we went to rave and saw the Corpse Bride (eh.. it was no Nightmare Before Christmas...) and In Her Shoes-- which was pretty cute. I ate so much junk food plus like a whole Mr. Pib soda.. which I NEVER drink soda.. so I'm feeling pretty sick right now. i sorta wish I'd just throw it up and get it over with. But thats what i get for eating so dang much. But what was cool was when we were leaving the first movie.. someone left their large popcorn tub thing so we took it and got a free refill of popcorn! How flippin sweet is that? A free large popcorn! But we only ate like a 10th of it bc it was so huge.

I really need to get back in the word. I've totally been slacking lately bc its like for school I have to study Acts and parts of the bible so it doesnt seem as essential to have that quiet time. But I know I need to be fitting it in my schedule-- which is so stupid to say because really.. if I do it as much as i should be .. i really should be planning my other time around quiet time.. bc thats so much more important than everything else. But do i do that? Heck no..
I have been reading Velvet Elvis by ROb Bell.. definitly would recommend it. I havent yet finished Understanding God's Will.. (yes friends, I am a slacker).. but when I finish Velvet Elvis i have Searching For God Knows What.. then I'll probably read the God's WIll book entirely over again.. then maybe Blue Like Jazz bc thats probably my favorite so far..
now that you know my reading schedule for the next five years I guess i can sign off now...

for weekend update.. I'm sarah...
goodnight and have a pleasent tomorrow :)

**