is this really happening?

So I was listening to this song and it reminded me of everything going on in the world right now-- as far as the war halfway across the world, and the devastation in the southern states and all those people going crazy, hoping that this is all a dream... not wanting to believe that they're fully awake and actually going through this hell. I feel like I'm watching a horrible movie everytime I turn on the tv. It's not real to me because I don't have direct contact to anyone involved there, and I can't even begin to comprehend that amount of destruction or pain.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

I can't believe the news today
I can't close my eyes and make it go away.
How long, how long must we sing this song?
How long, how long?
'Cos tonight
We can be as one, tonight.

Broken bottles under children's feet
Bodies strewn across the dead-end street.
But I won't heed the battle call
It puts my back up, puts my back up against the wall.

Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Oh, let's go.

And the battle's just begun
There's many lost, but tell me who has won?
The trenches dug within our hearts
And mothers, children, brothers, sisters
Torn apart.

Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.

How long, how long must we sing this song?
How long, how long?
'Cos tonight
We can be as one, tonight.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.

Wipe the tears from your eyes
Wipe your tears away.
I'll wipe your tears away.
I'll wipe your tears away.
I'll wipe your bloodshot eyes.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.

And it's true we are immune
When fact is fiction and TV reality.
And today the millions cry
We eat and drink while tomorrow they die.
The real battle just begun
To claim the victory Jesus won
On...

Sunday, bloody Sunday
Sunday, bloody Sunday..

i love bed...and weekends

“Maybe Jimmy Fallon will come to town riding a white horse and just happen to come to your door (randomly) and invite you to a grand party being held in his honor and you were the lucky winner. Then you would fall in love and get married and have little funny babies.”

Isn't this the greatest random quote of all time?! I love it. I have to admit something… of course I think james fallon is absolutely adorable and hilarious but im really not as obsessed as I may come off…

Anyone planning on going to the fireworks downtown?! I want to go! Cb1,2,3? let me know!

So you know how annoying traffic is, right? Well today I was driving on 71 north from the norwood area and traffic was way backed up… bumper to bumper… so I was thinking.. 330 on a Friday.. Rush hour of course. Well we sort of started moving and like 15 minutes of driving about 5 mph we pass an accident that happened on THE OTHER SIDE of the highway median.. Going 71 south. As soon as we passed it the cars started moving and getting abck up to regular speed. I was stunned by the genius’ that cant recognize an accident, think about it for 5 seconds, and keep driving at a normal speed. Traffic was backed up for miles bc of an accidnet NOT on our side of the highway!! WOW. It always amazes me at how many people cannot multi-task.--or even DRIVE.
Alright self.. don’t get your panties all in a wad…
I’m back..
I don’t want to talk about school anymore.

I’m sad that my sis is moving to Atlanta.. I don’t know when yet but it will be a very hard change for me. And I know she’s gonna get pregnant as soon as they move and I will be irate. I guess that will mean ill just have to move with them if that happens…I mean, how could they both work AND take care of a child at the same time? They would need a live in nanny.. And I wouldn’t trust anyone else but family to do it… okay im thinking WAYY far in advance.

I feel loopy today. That would proably explain my randomness except for that’s not really an explanation. I don’t really know why. Maybe its from hanging out with those freaks that live in the bushes outside Katie’s house… I better cancel our get together later then…

i am mostly recovered

So yesterday I wrote a really long post and I went to publish it and it redirected me elsewhere and I couldn’t get back… losing everything I had just written. I was mildly irate. (or more than mildly… as you can tell from the past post).
School’s been good. Today in public speaking class I had to tell about a personal experience and a lesson I learned. I talked some about Israel. I really couldn’t think of anything else at the time.
I’m already sick of the thought of homework… I just look at the syllabus, roll my eyes, and groan. I haven’t had too much yet, but again, its only the 2nd week of these classes.
I went to Chapel last Thursday. I really liked it actually- I didn’t know if I would. The worship was awesome and I really enjoyed hearing our school president speak.
Friends? I’ve met some. Its strange bc usually I make more guy friends than girls when I’m in a new place.. But I can handle guys more than girls usually - as far as drama… girls are CRAZY (well, if its different if its MY girls, or new girl friends… cuz I’d rather have MY GIRLS over any guys any day-- for now at least J )
I really like this school. Its different being in a christian school, having teachers pray for us before each class.. That is CRAZINESS! But I love it. The drive really isn’t killing me either
Oh, by the way… so I changed the title of this blog… any comments? That is a line from a song by Superchick (Katie posted the lyrics from that song recently.) The song really applies to me right now… cuz all this time I’ve been stressing about college and where I’m supposed to be and it just feels so right, right now. I’m not positive I’ll stay at this school for all of my college education, but for now it just fits, and feels good.
I’m still deciding if I like title and if I will keep..

Thanks again kati for letting me stay with you these past 2 weeks! Its been fun.. And convenient!
Homework party….you know it.

i love you all

i hate blog

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH>>>>>
I could just scream at this stupid blog thing that loves to find ways to erase my entry before it publishes!!!!!!!!!

if it was a person i'd punch him.

what's goin down

So.... I feel its been awhile since I've posted anything actually worth it. Ive just been really busy lately and I hate it. If the prayer room wasnt this past week I think I wouldve gone insane by now with having no time for anything... but the prayer room has provided that quiet time required to keep me from absolutely losing it this week. I started my first regular schedule of classes today.... Acts of the Apostles, Bible Lands and Lifeways (Bond girls- i dont have Mark Zeise... i was bummed :) who am i gonna share my snickers with now?) Public speaking, and tomorrow I have english. So today i heard a few times how youre never supposed to take acts and bible lands in the same semester. Oh poop... oh well im not gonna drop or change anything now. I'll get through it. I'm sure I'll break down a few times throughout the semester (its to be expected) but it'll be fine.... all things must come to an end, right? An end which is 3-4 months away...sigh..... Ive barely started and I'm already dreading. Today was just somewhat---no, highly overwhelming. I hate how almost all professors start off by going through the entire syllabus... it makes me feel really anxious and stressed out bc of all the assignments, projects and tests that are to come... I'd rather skip all taht nonsense and just start the class and find out all that later when its completely necessary. What else is going on?...... well I've really enjoyed the prayer room this week. I can be entirely stressed or worried about somethign and walk into that room and feel the spirit overcome me with this peace that is just so great and unexplainable. I go through stages that I feel... i always want to say "a burden" for certain people... but its not a burden... its just compassion..? and empathy i guess. I go through stages with certain people. So some have been on my mind a lot lately, its like i see their needs and passions and hurt with them when they dont succeed at things theyve tried so hard on, it gets tiring sometimes to think like that. I try not to- its just in my nature, i guess, to sense thigns like that about people and get emotionally involved for them (or with them, without them really knowing it i guess) ...........wow I'm at katies right now and its like 1130 and there are people standing right outside the window i am next to having really loud conversation about bars in new york and getting wasted or something. They sound pretty trashed as it is...I'm glad im not trying to sleep bc id be a lot more irritated. Poor katie... i hope she is heavily asleep by now..............so people on my mind...praying alot for them lately..oh right, things on my mind.. my cousin is getting married in november and i am the maid of honor so i really need to get on this shower planning thing. I honestly dont want this responsibility of planning this shower... she has a whole lot of fam on her other side, I can see my life getting progressively busier from now on... maybe I am just being selfish. But Im also not totally excited bc I'm not so fond of her situation. Her fiance is cool and everything (no one else in my extended fam likes him- they dont think hes right for her) but he lives in florida and as soon as they marry they are moving there (she lives in northern ohio)..so its a long distance relationship and they havent even had the experience of living remotely close to see if they will get sick of eachother or anythign. I just dont see how this is a fairytale... all i can see is her moving there, missing her mom, missing her friends, missing how much fiance made over her before they were married, and just feeling so alone bc she is in florida- so far away from everyone and everything she knows!! But maybe he wont stop all the good things he's been doing for her. And it IS florida... the beach?! Heck yes! IN conclusion, its a little hard for me to plan thigns for the weddign when I'm not totally into the correct mindset of her even getting married right now (she'll be 19 in november). I have been praying about this, though.. that thier relationship before marriage wont be solely based on the physical aspect, and that God would speak to both of them about whether this is right or not... please pray with me about all this! The wedding is november 19. Alright.. if i have any else to blab i'll let you know.... goodnight my lovelies!

you dont know me

I'm so annoyed right now with my 9 annonymous commments from stupid spam people from the last entry. So I blocked annonymous users-- sorry adam.. and anyone else that remains annonymous. i just cant handle all that crap... i was built up to believe I had 9 comments from my brilliant friends but was shot down as soon as the page came up. Wow...im really making a huge deal out of this arent i?! Sorry... its just more than slightly irritating.


im not totally ready to open my head at this time
.peace.out.

"I wish to lie low before God, as in the dust; that I might be nothing, and that God might be all, that I might become as a little child."

just chillen

So I've been trying to think of a new name for this stupid thing. My title (Who's the Genius that named it a blog?) Is pretty lame. So if theres like a theme to all my madness or something that you think would be a good new title please let me know! I would love some feedback on this.

Peace out*

stories and naptime

so school is going well i guess. Its really boring to sit in the same chair for so long but the class itself is really interesting. Except yesterday when we had to learn about the eye and different cells in the body. I dont think i did very well on taht test today-- which really shouldnt be that bad bc he curves his tests... but one guy said he only missed one question which will decrease the effect of the curve. blast. So needless to say I really need to go study-- tomorrow is our last day and I think the test is 100 questions over all we've learned so far- which hasnt been a whole lot i must say. There was a lot more i was looking forward to learning in this class. But as the guy is talking about a subject he used stories and examples to help us out... which then lead to more stories off of that and eventually he tries to tie it all back together which doesnt always work out. Its funny, but we are not near where we are supposed to be. I think there are like 8 chapters we are supposed to learn about and today we finished chapter 4. I dont know if he's gonna give a test in the morning, teach all day, then give us another test at the end? I guess i'll find out. He's so funny though, and totally not concerned about time at all. This is supposed to start at 830 and go till 4 or 430p, with a lunch break in the middle and a few other breaks in between. Tues and Wed he gave us 2 hour lunch breaks and today we got done at lunch bc he has another class later to prepare for. This is the benefit of having a professor that has taught for a long time-- they dont care as much. But he is a good teacher and really captures my attention with all his stories and great examples. So yes i was out at 12 today, ate lunch at school and came back to katie's. She doesnt get home till 4ish so I'm just chillen -- maybe nap time? And of course LONG study time today. blast...i hate studying.
Overall its been a good week. At tiems I wish i would be living in the dorms but then again, I'm glad I'm not. They dont have airconditioning, it smells like pee as soon as you walk in the main doors... I'm just spoiled i guess. Its great that school is 35 min from me bc my dad is forced to get used to me driving more and hopefully wont be on my back as much when i want to go somewhere that isnt MASON (oh God forbid!) or in that general vicinity.

Yeah, nap sounds good... peace out.

the dreaded first day

So I went to bed at 11p last night-- crazy proud of myself! Had to wake up at 8 so I got like 9 hrs! Its been years since thats happened. Well actually I didnt sleep that much bc of apparent anticipation, which I didnt realize I had. Got to school a little early for my 10a class. It was boring, funny, tiring, interesting... all at different moments. The chairs were gorgeously uncomfortable and there was no way to prevent that. But I am really interested in psychology and I was tuned in a lot more than i expected myself to be for that amount of time. I'm excited to learn this stuff but not excited about being in school. Yes I konw......."college is so much different than highschool!" and I believe you. But without living on campus I know i wont get as close to these people and dont try ot talk me into right now I'm not moving anywhere just yet. Its like $6000 more than I'm paying now. I have no loans right now and I'd like to keep it that way. I'd really like to eventually rent an apartment somehwere semi-close to the school. Maybe even somewhere halfway between here and there. We got done around 430 today. Tomorrows class starts at 830. The professor showed us the agenda for the week and we have 12 chapters to cover by the end on fridya. What did we get to today? NOt even all the way through ch.1. For like the first 1 or 2 hours he talked about what we would be covering this week. He gets on stories a lot of times that cause him to lose track of time. I dont think we'll get through all 12 but it doesnt really matter a whole lot. I need to get in bed early tonight-- tomorrow will be a very early morning to beat traffic. peace out.

skillet inspired emotional release

It's eating me away

Save me from my rage and my humanity

I need a reason to breathe- its you

Come save me

you are what my soul needs

the thirst is taking over

i need to taste it

you are the one real thing

speak and my heart aches

reach and the numbness dims

you're the one truth i know

when my heart is weak will you rescue me

will you be there when I'm falling down

can I run to you

Will my pain release at your mercy seat

when your love comes down i can rest my eyes

your power is flooding through my life

your love is coming down

Come my way

will you be there as i grow cold

Humble me

I want to touch the healer's hem

Desperate

if I could touch your clothes

I could feel your

Power

come my way, Jesus

please look and notice me

just to ease pain

just to know your name

Am I out of touch or reach

I've got faith to believe

what would it take for you to walk towards me

I'm running to you

help me to know you more

I want to see your face

I feel locked in a cage

come my way

just a touch

your love is so deep for us

so vast beyond all measure

it was my sin

that held you there

your dying breath brought me life

why should i gain from

your reward

your wounds paid my ransom

Thank You.

Angels fell down at the glory and beauty of the Lord

I fall down

afraid and shaking here

the hurt and broken rest at your feet

I cry to know you

Nothing could prepare me for you

I'll be safe with you

Something deep inside keeps my faith alive

When all i can do is hide from the fear

thats deep inside

something to hold me close when I dont know

how long i can hold on

"YOU CAN FIND ME ANYWHERE. TAKE A LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER AND I'LL BE STANDING THERE."

I want you to be my obsession

I'm going crazy

Never reaching what i want to reach

never being who i want to be

blaiming me when i fall and fail

all my dreams out of reach under my fingernails

can i trade in my perfections

tears falling down again

come let the healing begin.........

mixed emotions

Sometimes I think about the pros of not having close friends..... it wouldnt hurt as bad when they leave. But then again, I wouldn't have those great hilarious stories to write.

music and messages

So I went to see coldplay tonight at riverbend. It was really cool. I have never been to a concert there before....definitly an experience. Contrary to beliefs from some that said it would be a nice nap time.... it was a GREAT concert. But I love coldplay so of course it was cool. There arent many groups these days that sound good in concert-- they sounded as good or better than on cd. They bring in such a diverse crowd. It was crazy. But awesome. And we saw some limos pulling out beside us on the way out...I swear it was Gwyneth paltrow (chris martin--lead singer-'s wife) and daughter apple. So that was cool too. It was great to be able to spend time with my brother. he is such a great guy, and brother. We got to talk a lot tonight about many different things. I love spending time with him. He actually bought me this coldplay ticket for graduation. Of any of my family or friends, he was probably the best person to go with to this concert. It was a lot of fun.

Off topic....
I hate how people put God in a box. It's frusterating. Like those people that say,"God hates fags and everyone that supports them". Also the old school preachers that are so strict on the way they live... this pastor guy is speaking a few days this week at my Gpa's church for their revival. I went last night and he's just so....i dont even know.... for example... He mentioned that years ago he went to take his children to the pool. He got there and realized how bad it was for him to be there with half dressed women, and how atrocious it was for men and women to be swimming in the same pool together.... it was just craziness. What was he thinking it would be like on the way to the pool? Everyone wearing baptism robes? Come on now... its a pool!! Anyways, he said that they left immediately and never went back. I understand that people have different limits. But temptations for some people are nothing for others. How can you tell people to not wear bathing suits in front of others or to swim with the opposite sex? That may be your problem...but dont start judging others bc its a problem for you. He also said something about this guy that got saved at his friend's church had long hair and his cheek pierced and they thought he should cut his hair and take out the earring after he got saved. Whats wrong with long hair? Jesus had long hair! I know we are living in a much different society than Jesus, but still... just bc a male has long hair, or a person has piercings or looks dirty, doesnt mean they are a bad person, or havent fully committed their life to christ. It just makes me mad how some people judge others. I know this preacher has a great heart and just wants to help people get on the right track... but help them get on the RIGHT track.... not YOURS. Is he a better christian than me becuase he doesnt ever listen to secular or "rock" music and goes to church on sunday nights? I'm sorry... just listening to him last night got me a lot more than a little fired up. I just hate when people restrict God. Remember HE's the one that got in trouble for hangin out with the sinners! Do you think he shied away from people bc of the way they looked or acted? Did he look down on them because they were gamblers or slept around or had lots of earrings? Heck no he didnt! He loves all of his people so much. And he welcomes us all with open arms into his presence. ESPECIALLY the ones that some may deem as unworthy. I am SO unworthy of his love, yet so precious in HIS sight. And that I know as a fact. I could not live without knowing about Christ's unfathomable love for me. He is so great... someday I will learn to not take his love so much for granted. I didnt mean to preach a sermon... thats just been on my heart a lot lately. I love you all... goodnight my lovelies!!

just avoid it and maybe it will go away

Life's been good. My chrissi is home! That is something to celebrate!! I am thrilled-- even if it's only for a few days/weeks more. You never know what this crazy girl is going to do next :)

I think i have an admirer. I find myself thinking of ways to say or do horrible things to lose his respect so that he wont have romantic feelings for me and we can all move on with our lives normally... then I have to hit myself for even thinking of wanting to lose someone's respect bc thats just craziness to even think. But its almost like I'd rather lose his respect than go through the whole drama thing and come out not friends. So far there has been nothing vocal, on his part. I sincerely hope there wont be any so we dont have to deal with hurt feelings and whatnot. I hate drama, and I hate going through this. Again I am pushing. I think he feels that i am. But this isnt me making excuses bc I'm afriad or anything-- i'm really just not interested this time. How can you be someone's friend wihtout fueling their admiration of you? I feel like that sounded really conceited... I'm sorry, but really.. what do you do?

This is the basis on which my shirt "I dont want to be your girlfriend" stands. I dont want to deal with the drama. Its my way of saying "back off now so i dont have to tell you later" when more is at stake to lose.

Thats all for now.

I'm glad to be drama free...most of the time

Another hot summer day. It's really been great hasn't it?! Kings Island today... blue ice cream... mmmmmm.. I love it.
By the way Cheryl-- rain check on that. Nextweek?

So i mentioned me and ash made shirts a few days ago. Hers said (not surprisingly) "Parents for sale, buy one get one free" mine said [front]"I dont want to be your girlfriend" [back]"Lets just be friends" I was excited bc i thought i was a genius (except i cant leave katie out... the back was her idea) and wanted to show it off so i wore it to wet n wild (youth pool party/bible study) and thought it was such a great idea at the time. But the longer i was there, the more i thought about how horrible it was that i was wearing this shirt with this comment on it, which i had personally made. I realized someone may have thought it was directed towards them or inspired by them or something. So, If you were there (and are a guy) and thought it was about you, i'm sorry, but it totally wasnt. It wasnt for anyone in particular. Its just a shirt that i thought was clever. And i still think it is, and I'll still wear it. I just will be more thoughtful about where i wear it and around who next time.

Making shirts was alot of fun though... I think i will do it again soon. I already have a new idea! It's a fun one too, of course. Maybe next time we have a party it wont be tye dying but making shirts with iron on letters! Or BOTH!! Tye dye and iron ons!!! Oh wow, excitement overload!! Super cool idea, yes, i know. You are very welcome. Me and ash decided they would make great gifts too. It's just too bad the letters cost so much for one freakin pack.

I'm not anti-boy... I love Jimmy Fallon :)
Its inevitable. One day we will fall in love. You dont believe me? Fine... i cant wait to photograph youre jealous face when we dont invite you to the wedding.

things

I made funny shirts with ashley today. It makes me laugh bc I am so great at it.

My mouth is almost 100% healed!!

2 weeks till school...

i need some blue ice cream

Oh how I hate keeping secrets!!! But I will for now:)


i loveyou

YOU KNOW IT

day 3

i still a bit puffy and sore. but dont look near as much like a chipmonk as yesterday (nobody has gotten any blackmail pics... haha suckers!) I have gotten my fair share of movie time in.. has been fun. Hopefully tomorrow I can get out of the house for some time... I am feeling a bit cabin feeverish but I refuse to leave the house looking like my face has gained 20 lbs. I cant wait till i can chew food again!.. im too swollen to shut my mouth all the way.
anyways... enough of that.. i feel like im being a baby when i write about this... its really not a big deal.

jesus horses... haha.. i love it

check this out you napoleon fans...
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/napoleon

Day 2 of recovery

I know you all have been absolutely DYING to hear from me. So yesterday I went in around 11 to get my teeth out. The laughing gas was fun.. a little bit after they put it on me they asked if i felt funny and i said no.. but as i said it i slurred and sort of laughed so they knew it was working just fine. Apparently I was tougher than they expected.. when the doctor put the IV in my arm i was still pretty alert and i felt it but it just felt like a little pinch- the doctor was like "you could've at least said ouch". I tried to keep my eyes focused on the light overhead but they kept gliding up and down... I dont fully recall when i slipped into dream land but it was a nice sleep... i have to say i enjoyed it. I think i woke up a little before they were done becasue i remember hearing them talking and pressure in my mouth but it didnt hurt bc i was so numb. Most stories I've heard from people theyve said how they didnt remember walking to the recovery room or even gettnig home.. i was really alert the whole time. The only part that is semi fuzy was when i first stepped off of the surgery bed thing but i remember being helped into the recovery room and sitting there while i tried to stay awake and keep my body from trembling- i wasnt cold, i just shake sometiems for reasons unknown. It was a little difficult to walk to the car but a lady did try to help. And of course I got to experience the entertainment of my mom and others watch me attempt to eat ice cream as it ran down my numb face. Thanks again to ash mason who left flowers for me as i arrived home! They are so colorful and pretty! (and for visiting me later). And also Jimi and Ty for bringing me BLUE ICE CREAM! and some movies. I half expected for nobody to really bring me ice cream bc of course it would melt before you got here (although it wasnt fully melted and tasted as great as ever!) But the little girl inside me was screaming "Oh PLEASE bring me blue ice cream! You'll be my best friend for ever!" So thanks guys! I wasnt really that swollen yesterday.. it got worse as the night progressed. I have to take like 3 kinds of meds. I woke up like 6 times last night.. i HATE not being able to sleep! I thought id sleep till like at least11 or 12. But i got up for the last time around 9 i think. Today has gone by fast so far... a large bag of ice has lived on my cheeks for the past 2 days- it makes it feel a ton better.. and today i look like a chipmonk bc i have swelled so much. Some of the meds im taking is for swelling but it doesnt seem to be workng so far. So if anyone was still wondering... NO i wont be at prayer meeting tonight and NO you cant invite the whole church over here for prayer meeting jimi... I pretty much look like death and id be afraid theyd come over and conduct a funeral instead of prayer meeting.
Hopefully my face gets back to normal before sunday! I cant sing looking or FEELING like this!
Ive been off the couch for far too long now.. its calling me back along with my bag of ice...
I love you!
peace out

Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

I'm a sucker for jimmy fallon... how adorable is he though?! man, I'm such a girl!
So tomorrow I'm losing all my wisdom... in tooth form. I'm not so scared anymore.. I'm just excited to get to eat ice cream all day! ANd of course I'll squeeze in some time for some cheezy 80s movies... and perhaps the Incredibles- i havent seen it entirely.
Switching gears-- I was talking to a friend the other night about relationships... I again realized how noncommital I can be and that I'm scared. I'm such a psychoanalyist of why people do and think the way they do.. and I try to do it a lot to myself...which is a lot harder than doing it to otehrs. Well I thought about my take on relationships and how I act when there is a potential one staring me in the face. What do I do? I sometimes try out one date, hesistate, then jet. Before I even let there be a chance of a relationship I think about how it would be to get out of it... how I would break it off/who would get hurt... assuming it wouldnt last long. My analysis skills arent working too well in helping me understand why I do that. Why not just try it out? I immediately think of how to not hurt that person when i break it off. Isn't that weird? I'm trying to work on that... anyone have any observations of my behavior theyd like to share that may help in piecing this togeter? Or just any comments?

Chrissi- i love you.. everyone does. At least come visit us for a few weeks to get a boost of positive energy before you move again. I'm sorry you are hurting.

I'll let you all know how the teeth thing works out. I'm goin under around 11a. Think about me!

I LOVE YOU ALL.. you know it:)

Carol... where have you been?

passing time

what time is it: 12am
whats your full name: sarah beth ralston
color pants are you wearing right now: black comfy pants
what are you listening to: cars outside and shouting people
birthday: december 10
your age: 18
how many siblings: 1 bro, 1 sis, many non-blood siblings
favorite color: red
shirt color you wear most often: black
last thing you ate: choco chip cookie dough
if you were a crayon which color would you be: burgundy
last person you spoke to on the phone: my cousin emily
choice of drink: a mix of grape and apple juice
do you wear contacts/glasses? contacts, yes
are you a morning or night person: definitly night
favorite season: beginning of summer or winter only if its snowing
favorite snack: ice cream (blueberry from KI)
last movie you watched: mrs. doubtfire on tv
what do you do to vent anger: cry and/or write

at what age were you first married: age 10... it was a beautful wedding with about 10 guests but we had to make it short because recess was only 30 minutes long

... sadly the marriage didnt last... that scandalis boy gave his football jersey to some 8 year old tramp the very next day... i was pissed... all that time primping for him, making those stupid bouquets out of paper... stupid boys

first childhood memory: when we lived in colorado i was about 3 or 4... my mom used to babysit this terrible little girl that would eat crayons, put my moms contacts down the drain, pee on the floor, pour food on her head.... i remember this very vividly, she was insane

hugs or kisses: both
chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
favorite candybar: snickers... good memories
funniest person you know: my dad... by far

when's the last time you cried: a few days ago

what is under your bed: everything
what are you afraid of: losing people close to me, getting murdered
favorite car: dark green, w/black top convertible mazda miati
favorite flower: those recieved from friends or family
favorite day of the week: saturday
favorite tv show: saturday night live, the nanny, regis and kelly
favorite/most memorable trip: Israel with my girls
favorite thing to do: take pictures, travel, have deep conversations/reminecse with friends
how many years at your current job: 1.5
how many states have you lived in? 2- colorado and ohio
how many cities: 6
how many piercings have you had: 5
the secret place you wish to travel someday: bolivia to visit my world vision child Moises
what you like most about yourself: my friends, and sarcasm is fun sometimes
what you like least: my indecisiveness, lack of desire to commit
worst pet-peeve: when people are outside your house YELLING or LAUGHING at 12:30AM...MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE TO SLEEP... excuse me... (I cant ever go to sleep this early anyway)
how long it took you to do this: like 30 minutes- i get distracted
why did you take the time to do this: because I'm an idiot
do you wish for people to respond? I dont really care

just breathe

some things have been frusterating me lately. I'm not sure how to get out of it. But breathing is a nice start.

I'm gettng my wisdom teeth taken out on tuesday (so for anyone from church: i wont be there tues or wed night). I am sort of nervous because i have never been put to sleep or been hospitalized before. And I'm afraid I'll feel the holes in my mouth and get sick.
If anyone goes to Kings island tues, wed or thurs, and happen to accidentally pick up an extra blue ice cream and take a detour by my house, and maybe you run out of gas or something adn have to stop, i guess i would take that extra blue icecream off your hands. You know, just if it were to happen. I could use more 80s movies recommendations bc ill probably go to the library and stock up on some for my three day sabbatical. It will be nice, though, to have an excuse to do nothing for three days but sleep, watch movies and eat icecream... and hang out with YOU!

My girls: My sis and her hub will be out of town this weekend so I am "dog sitting" and staying at her house (to get a break from my own). So if anyone would like to come hang out like friday night that would be pretty flippin great! And I GUESS i could provide some food and fun for ya. Just let me know. They also have a community pool that is open 24 hrs so I'll probably be getting in some nice late night swim time.

see yall on the flipp


Random quote from Jimmy Fallon on SNL's weekend update: "This week, Georgia’s board of education approved a plan that allows teachers to keep using the word 'Evolution' when teaching biology. Though, as a compromise, dinosaurs are now called 'Jesus Horses.'"


I love this song, its gorgeous: http://www.carolinaclassical.com/articles/debussyclairdelune.html

my girls!

friends2
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

I love this picture!! It's from my graduation party... they look so cute and happy! But there is someone missing in this picture...my other sister-- please come visit before you make another move!!
I only have 4 weeks left of summer! What am I to do? Lots of laying out hopefully... unless it rains. Wow today was like the most clumsy day ever for me. I spilled a lot of stuff at work and spent some tedious hours picking up and sorting these stupid brackets, then at dinner i was trying to cut something adn i ended up flinging a piece of chicken towards myself- getting the side of my white shirt dirty and leaving a mess on the floor. And as I was trying to wipe it off with some water a waitress ran into my arm... its been crazy. But its one of those days I really dont get upset or anything... its jus been like.. wahtever. So yea... I'm going to bed.

What is your favorite line from a movie and why?

ccu

hello beautiful people! Yesterday I went to Cincinnati Bible college for freshman registration. YES that is where I finally decided to go. Hallelujah-- I dont have to worry about that decision anymore (unless I decide to switch next semester or next year). I was actually dreading registration for some reason. But it was okay. I am still alive. So I got to see some of the school, met some cool people, and signed up for classes. ANd I saw some people that I iwent to Israel with (Natalie, Erin-who is moving quite soon, and Dr. Weber, aka BILL). I decided to take an early fall freshman class which will start August 15- psychology. I'm excited about that class actually. It's a 5 day class for like 8 hours a day, and when the week is over I'm finished with the class and will have bagged 3 credit hours. So then i am only taking 4 classes throughout the semeseter instead of 5. I am half excited about starting school, partly nervous/anxious, and the rest of me is dreading getting up early and having to do work. Mon/Wed/Fri my class starts at 8AM. This being in Price Hill + traffic = me leaving my house around 630-45 to make it there on time. It wil definitly be rough the first few weeks but i'll get over it. I'll have to teach myself how to get in bed early. What wil save me though is having class at 11 on Tues/Thurs. Mon/Wed/FRi I am taking Bible Lands, Acts of the Apostles, and Public Speaking. Tues/Thurs i just have english. I dont think it wil be a very difficult semester. I HAVE declared a major!... its... undecided:) syke... so no, i havent decided on a major just yet. I did have to mark one on the paper on saturday so i put urban ministry. When I initially thought about that major i think i thought it only had ot do with different countries, but actually its just any inner city/urban area...whether it be downtown philly or urban areas in Jamaica. You never know... i may end up keeping that major.. .i'll leave you in suspense...along with myself.
I feel good about school. I'm just not excited about the drive everyday- not that im going to get shot or anything, just that my car will break down or something crazy. But i will be getting a lot more driving experience so my parents will have no choice but to let go a little bit more in that area of my life.
What else is really cool about that day? We were talking to the financial lady about everyhting and my mom had already set up a payment plan a month ago with whoever we have to pay, and we were planning on paying around 4800 for the semester (which isnt bad at all).. well we got talking to the lady and I had another scholarship come in that I didnt know about and we found out in total i recieved around 4100 in scolarships!! Which means we only have to pay 700.something this semester! WE were in shock and my mom has been telling everyone we've talked to about it...she's so excited. Now maybe I can start saving up more for a new car instead of so much towards college. Its so great.. by the way.. if anyone knows of any good cars for sale (Preferably low milage) around $5-8000 please let meknow! My car right now has over 152,000 miles.
I realized today how much of a mission my workplace is. My boss is Jewish. The 4 ladies working there (including me) are christians (well i know for a fact that 3 are). There is so much drama that goes on in that office though sometimes, i could just rip out my hair and scream. Its not like open fights though, its the talking behind peoples backs. And these women (other than my mom) one is in their late 50s and one is 60something. I just cant stand it sometimes. I feel like its my job to show him my witness. I am the only one there that he hasnt seen the bad side to. He knows what my family stands for, he's been around us long enough to know...which almost just makes it more frusterating bc we have known him so long and he has never changed. I just feel like its our mission there to get this man and his wife saved before he retires or I quit. I dont know how it will happen, but LORD i pray it does. He is so prideful though, and set in his ways. He takes so much pride in the things he has, what he has worked for. (This guy's like a millionaire). Partof me wants to just say it will never happen... but that is having no faith in the miracles of GOd. Please pray for this man and his wife- Edward and Sandy Desatnik. Today I just felt God place him on my heart. I WILL have faith that God will totally change this man!!

Ive been tryin gto get back into reading my bible and prayng more. It's been hard sometimes. I just dont have that desire so much anymore. I get so frusterated about things sometimes and Ive been confused about alot of certain things lately and I dont know how to pray for some things any more. But this verse brings me comfort when I feel liek that...
"We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

...especially like with the college stuff... i stopped praying about it becuase i didnt know what to pray for anymore. I had been praying so long for God to lead and I just didnt hear or feel anything from it towards any direction... then people say i shouldnt pray for Gods will becuase maybe I am supposed to make this decision on my own. It still is frusterating but at least taht part is over. I believe that the spirit prayed for me in this bc i couldnt and that without him the financial stuff wouldnt have worked out as well as it did. PRAISE GOD.

I love you all so much.

quiz

Here's a dumb quiz I made for anyone who is willing
CLICK on the link to start some fun...http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=050712231522-241615

my jesus

This is the amazing song Bethany sang at church today...
(written by Todd Agnew)


Which Jesus do you follow
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Why do you look so much like the world?

My Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
orbless me with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sands

My Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

My Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be

My Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
I think He'd prefer Vine Street to the stained glass crowd
But I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus

Not a posterchild for American prosperity,
but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity

I want to be like my Jesus but
I'm not sure what that means to be like you Jesus
Cause you said to live like you, love like you but
then you died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?

Like my Jesus

success

Wow, this morning's service was such a blessing to me. For those who dont know, Jeff was out of town therefore Jimi got to preach. Many of us were worried about the number of people that would be there, and how the praise team/band would do. But I didnt recognize any faults we had on the priase team. It all sounded pretty good to me. In first service there were probably about 15-20 people. I have to say i was a bit disappointed. About 2 songs into the worship time it just hit me... I just felt overwhelmed with the holy spirit and its like i didnt even notice anymore how many people we had or that not many of them were singing. It just felt like the spirit was all in that place and taht was the real reason for our worship. I havent felt that good in awhile. So the worship time was great. Next the sermon. I love jimi and his sense of humor. He's not afraid to say anything either. I was warned about his sermon being a bit edgy. At the beginning i felt that way but it realy wasnt like that as he got into it. It was all just truth. The Spirit definitly took over and used Jimi. I got a lot out of it and i believe its what we all needed to hear. I hope it spoke to the hearts of the people today and put them in their place. It did me.
Thanks Jimi for speaking. And thank you Jesus for the message.

Today, my friends, was definitly a success. I haven't felt Jesus like that in a long time. It really doesnt matter how many people come or what they have to say, its all about The Man and praising him for everything he is and does. I'm so tired of negative people in church that complain about everything. It's like they are just trying to get attention. It's NOT about them at all! If they would only look into the eyes of my Jesus and see HIM.

And that was my revelation.

Random quote of the day...

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW OLD A BROTHA IS... HE IS ALWAYS CUT!!

Actually that's from like 2 weeks ago (KHO).


***If you can guess who said it you'll get... more love from me!

independence day

This wkend has been busy. But fun. Starting off from friday... the brats I had to babysit werent too bad really. We actually had fun... jumping on the trampoline.
KY was fun with my bond sisters. Got to meet a LOT of family. And ride and bathe a horse. Judah was restless as usual- the whole time. But after awhile you learn to get used to her-- and her gorgeous eyes. That dog has everyone trained... she bites me and claws till i pretty much bleed, then one lick on the cheek and sparkle in her eye and she's back in my heart. Man I'm a sucker.

Today was a pretty good day. I awoke at a decent hour, ate some breakfast, put some grad party picutes in albums, went to see Bewitched with the fam, then off to blueash for fireworks. It was a pretty good show- every year it gets a little greater.
I think i was the only one that really liked bewitched. I wouldnt say it was all that funny but it was so cute. I love nicole kidman and think will farrel is hilarious, and bewitched is like my favorite old show. So that, to me, was a pretty darn good mixture.

Speaking of movies, I'm totally excited about Charlie and the choco factory! Johnny Depp is a little creepy looking but I'm sure it'll be great.

I love you.
see yall on the flipp side...

memory verse for the week?
DELIGHT YOURSELF IN THE LORD AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART.
Psalm 37:4

austin

austin
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

I LOVE this kid! He knows his race car drivers. (He's 3)

bros

bros
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

My brothers

friends

friends
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

I DO have friends!

hannah2

hannah2
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

My cousin's baby, Hannah. She's so adorable!

katie

katie
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

beautiful KT!

saparty

saparty
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

saparty2

saparty2
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

i miss you!

horsies!

This has been a pretty busy week since I've gotten back from KHO. But I've enjoyed it. Needless to say I havent found much down time to write you all. I am getting ready to go babysit for some boys... I'm sorry I cant say they came from angels... we'll see how it goes tonight. Hopefully I wont get too flusterated.
This wkend I am tagging along with my Bond sisters to KY... we get to ride horsies!! I am so excited... it's been years since I've ridden a horse. And of course seeing the bond parents will be great. They are so funny sometimes... like watching a sitcom :)
Sorry chrissi-- Im not trying to rub it in! I wish you were going too... it willl be sad without you. But yes, we are leaving tonight and i think arriving back sunday afternoon/evening.
My uncle is having a big bday party sunday evening... he's turning 40 and wants comfort during this time. I dont have much really to talk about.. I have new pictures to post! They are from my grad party(s). Fun! So I'll go get to that...

love you all!
I'll see [some of] you soon!

SA

i hate computers

I just poured my heart out in a long post about KHO and other junk and it all erased before my eyes.... a little frusterating to put it lightly.
So here I attempt again...

KHo was a lot of fun and I wish we were still there. It was a lot of hard work but i expected it bc we went 2 years ago. I cant say i was so totally excited to work on a roof in 100 degree weather, sweating like my face was a foucet. But i didnt not like working. It was such a great feeling knowing what we were doing for these people that couldnt afford it and how much they appreciated it. Thank God nobody got seriously hurt or fell off any roofs. I did get over a thousand splinters but I will heal. Last week took a lot of patience though. Last time I was here I was a sophomore in HS so i was sort of in the middle of the age groups. This year I was one of the oldest. It was weird. The youngest in our group was 12. She was pretty clumsy and all over the place and at the start of the week i was really irritated. BUt throughout the week I realized that she is only 12 and has a lot of growing up to do... but dont we all. And I really liked her by the end bc she was so funny.
Before coming I kept comparing this camp to the one we went to 2 years ago. Then we had like 15 girls and this year we had 5. But I loved it. The girls taht came were probably the group with the least amount of drama that could have come. We had a lot of fun and had some good discussionns. We used the video camera to heighten our entertainment at times. Pimp juice is goood.
Whenever I go to kho or 24God I fall in love.. with the people, the places, the Spirit, the ministry, the feeling. SOme were trying to convince me (its not that hard to) that i should apply to be a kho intern next year. How awesome would that be! A whole summer of ministry and hard work! I ran taht IDEA by my mom today and she shot it down. The interns get about 35cents an hour i think. But its not about the money at all! Its about the ministry. I get so frusterated with my mom sometimes... she is so closed minded. Her thinking is that i should stay home next summer, get a job (she;s thinking the one i have right now, with her) and save up money for college and a possibly a car. I understand her thinking, but i would like her to be a little more open. Who cares about the money! I am finally starting to have faith that money will come if and when i need it. We talked about college too and it comes up frequently about me possibly taking a semester offf (NEXT semester) if mission trips work out or whatever and she hates the idea. Education is the MOST important thing. I understand taht, but at the same time I am thinking i can always go to college, i cant always travel and do what i want. I usually realize it is dumb to argue over this stufff so early and end the discussion...it will come back up later in life if it comes to it.
So KHO... I didnt have any major revelations or anything. But it did help me in seeing the sincerety of people's faith. Over the past few months I have become very cynical about things and noticed how fake people are in their spiritual walks and it really discouraged me. Its like i went through a spiritual depression or something. I didnt know how to pray anymore, i had little or no desire to read the word and i didnt know how to get out of the rut i had dug myself. I am now learning peace and my bitterness is deteriorating. Peace has come more this week than i realized until i got home. Peace about friends moving, some college stuff, bitterness. Its such a great feeling. I didnt even pray for it. It just came. God knows me in and out and sent peace at just the right time.
College... Ive taken some advice and breathed. I am going to CCU... urban ministry major? I dont know if I'll stay there 4 years, but I'll take my time and see how 1st semester goes.
My dad mentioned yestereday that he doesnt like the idea of me making that drive downtown so much but he has to let go sometime. My mom really doenst mind the drive... she says not to worry about him, he'll get over it. But whast cool is my grandparents knew this older gentlemen that lived in price hill but he passed away last year leaving this lady, that my gparents watch over, his house. (The cool part...) Its a 2 story house with a rentable apt for the top level that needs a lot of work, but its a nice house and my sister adn her hub are thinking about buying it! That would solve a lot bc i could stay with them throughout the week and not have to drive so far to school when the semester starts up! Yes it is a very selfish motive of mine for them to buy this house. Otherwise I dont want them to move bc right now they only live 5 minutes away.
And Cheryl, if youralls house sells maybe you could rent out the top apt if my sis buys that house! It is 2 bedroom...
I live in a fairytale world...

We'll see how all that goes.

MEMORY VERSE FOR THE WEEK:

Proverbs 26:11
As dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.

rambling

Wednesday was my dad's birthday. He's getting old. ME and Lindsay woke up at 5:30 to make him breakfast bc he works at 6. He was very surprised and said he thought everyone would forget. We got him and my mom dancing lessons for his birthday. That should be some good entertainment right there. I actually started to post something wednesday but this dumb laptop shut down. Anyways.. happy belated birthday dad (...who doesnt read this, so i really dont know why i bothered).
I didnt leave the house once today. It was semi-nice, besides the fact that my insane 6 year old cousin has been here for the past 2 days and is driving me crazy. I finally did break down and play some games with him tonight. He is fun sometimes, but when my mom is around he turns into such a brat bc she babies all the time and gives him whatever he wants. Its irritating. I'm so glad I dont have a sibling that age right now.
I actually did get some stuff done today though: packed some for KHO (leaving sunday), wrote out some graduation thank yous, watched a movie, read some mail, copied some songs from bretts computer onto cds... I said i got SOME stuff done, not a whole lot. But tomorroiw we are haveing a yard sale with some neighbors so we have also been getting things ready for that. If you are in the area drop bY! Its from 9-2 friday and saturday.
I feeel like i am totally rambling right now.

I want to go to Europe.

I came to the conclusion the other day that I am noncommital. I really am. It's pretty bad too. And I dont konw why. Well, actually i think a lot of it has to do with how picky i am. OH well, one day my prince will come and I'll get over it real quick.

I'm syked for KHO. It'll be a good time for sure. HOpefully there will be no drama and no injuries.

I'll try to write once more before I depart.


i miss you

a n o t h e r college update

Okay, so obviously i have been very discontented about not konwing what to do with my future. Last week I finished my applications for CCU... a few days later i was having 2nd thoughts... the money issue was sort of pushing me towards Temple Baptist college (even though CCu really isnt too bad for me financially)... then yesterday I was thinking possibly YWAM discipleship program in Mexico... yes, i am freaking all over the place. As of today, after talking with a good friend that had some great advice, it made me decide to stay with my initial decision at CCU. I guess I sort of combined YWAM with CCu in my head... i would love to go to a different country and do some sort of ministry. So why not take some urban ministry programs at CCu (which require internships) , see how I like it and discover how things go from there. That way I would be getting college education (my mothers #1 concern- understandably) and be heading toward doing something I have a passion for- which of course is what people go to college for mostly in the first place.. but i just happened to put all the pieces together in my head [finally] i guess (for now). I also have some different ideas of minors if I do decide to go that ministry route... but I choose to not disclose that information at this time due to my indecisive nature. So, considering how my mind changes every day or so, I guess I'll let you know how things are going later. Hopefully I dont change it again bc this feels pretty good right now.

I'm such a slacker. I said i would start a memory verse for the week. THIS week's is:

Now to HIM who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us.
Ephesians 3:20


That actually reminds me of my favorite quote:
"With your true heart devoted to HIm, just watch and see that what is gives is exactly what we truly wanted but dared not dream to ask for."
-cab :)

i love you

OH hey... please remember my brother and his friends in your prayers this week. He is in Jamaica until saturday or sunday i believe, with a group from Landmark church. i adore my brother. He is so great.

farewell

fix you

I really like this song off Coldplay's new cd. The music is really pretty but considering I cant telepathically let you listen, here are the lyrics...

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone
but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
when you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears streaming down your face and I

Tears streaming down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

I'm still frusterated about school. Yesterday I thought I had it all planned out but today I'm not so sure anymore.
Responding to chrissi's previous comment... I would totallly love to just go travel the world. But I definitly dont have the money, courage, or faith to do that.
I dont know why I'm turning this in to such a big deal.
Please pray for me about this. I dont know what to pray anymore.
I'm just being stubborn I guess. Too stubborn to listen, or even attempt to ask the one who knows my desires. Ask what? I dont know.. thats why i cant.

Alright, i'm so done talking about this. Sorry to be a bore.

Jimmy Fallon is so cute.. by the way.

I'm really in to Jack Johnson and Damien Rice right now. They're supercool. With totally different sounds.
"I can't take my mind off of you" (Damien Rice)
That song reminds me of a friend. It makes me reminescent in a sad sorta way sometimes.

I feel like such an idiot sometimes.

I'm sorry if I've ever pissed you off or made you felt bad in any way.
____________________________________________________________
okay so i finally figured out how to post some pics... below are some of Paris. When i have more time I'll post more of Israel and my girls.

Arc

Arc
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

Arc de Triumph

IMG003

IMG003
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

A gorgeous cathedral on top of a hill in Paris.

IMG005

IMG005
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

Eiffel Tower in Paris! Isn't it beautiful?!

lets have a girls night...

yes I've slacked a few days. THere is no way i could write every day- I'm really not that interesting, i promise you.
I love my friends. THeres not a specific reason i say that- I just felt like it. They are ALL fun to talk to. And eat ice cream with, and lay out in the sun with, and watch movies, stay up late, gossip about boys with(cuz i do that ALL the time :) you know it).
By the way... when is our next girls night/80s movie night/pool party/blue ice cream run?
I wish people were more passionate about thigns. Especially myself. It makes life so much more fun and interesting. If only i were passionate about my future plans... what i wish to achieve in college... I hate it. Why even choose a major if most likely i will change it anywyas? I know Ive vented about this before on here. BUt it just irritates me. Its more frusterating to me i guess. Beacuase i really dont know what to do about it. I sincerely have no clue what to study in college. The question i usually get after that is "well do you have any interests?" Well of course I do! I AM a living, breathing human being. I'm not a freakin robot. BUt just because Im interested in something dosent mean i want to make a career out of it for the rest of my life. I like to people watch- is there a career centered around that? If there is, please let me know (did you sense the eye rolling?). I dont know. and Frankly, who cares right now. Yea, yea... I'll figure it all out... trying ot listen to my own advice.
You know whats really humorous to me? How there are so many people with blog accounts now- thanks to chrissi alice. Its funner now that there are more people circulating around here.. and more fun stuff to read and cute pics. I need to get the ball rolling on putting pics on here. ( i just used a cliche phrase... ha ... i hate cliches).

You know what I love? Romans- in the bible. Especially from the Living Bible...
"...For we dont even know wat we should pray for, nor how to pray as we should; but the Holy Spirit prays for us with such feeling that it cannot be expressed in words."
Incredible.
I've really fallen out of reading lately. I dont know.. i just havent had that desire like i used to. I'm trying to get back into it. I really need my quiet time back.

I love you all.

me humoring you

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment.

Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the
class that represented their religion.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name
is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."

The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name
is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."

The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name
is Tommy. I am Baptist, and this is a casserole."

day 2 of consistency

So I'm ordered to stay consistent in updating my blogs. Mostly for my LA friend.
So tonight i went with the brother[s] (mine) to a cookout they had at Landmark for graduating seniors. It was fun. They played wiffle ball- i played one inning and realized i didnt like humiliation so I decided to sit out. I met a friend of 24 yrs of age. We are to have lunch friday. She's cool. I never have any friends my age. Its fun to have conversations from people with more experience in life I guess. It doesnt mean i dont like my friends of younger ages. They are just as fun- but somehow i always end up the youngest in groups. This week will go fast. I have a lot i want to do... layout and swim, hang out with a specifically cool cat and take pictures, catch lunch w/my aunt, go to kings island with my girls, go see my 2 little cousins at my other aunts house, and have lunch with my new friend. Oh also church wednesday and landmark's coffee house thurs night. We'll see if i accomplish my missions for this week.
I really want to start a memory verse for the week. We all need to memorize verses. I'm so horrible at doing stuff like that, especially without someone on my case about it.
Anyone have a good one to start us/me off?
Give me some feed back... someone comment like a cool life story or funny thing that happened. Something! My blog is so boring. But I love it anywyas. Good way to keep in touch.. right cAlice?

Maybe someday I'll learn my purpose in life... other than entertaining others by my lame stories :)

Catch ya later...

for all you eager readers...

I apoligize for not writing more often. I guess I just think about what's going on so often to myself that I forget nobody else knows.
My grad party was today. Thank you to all who came! It was awesome to see everyone. There were a ton of people there but actually i expected more- perhaps some folk from school. But its all good.
One of the best gifts I recieved today? My brother got us tickets to see Coldplay at Riverbend in August!! How awesome is that? I'm so excited. And no, I just cant hide it :)
I got some cool and unexpected gifts. The most bizarre? M&M gave me a hotdog candle. It was funny when I was going through cards and stuff with some fam and they looked at that candle like: what the crap... but they dont know M&M. She's just funny like that.
I guess I'm expected to have future stuff figured out here sooon... yea still dont. LIke I've said before...whats the point of even going to college with a major when the statistics that i would keep that major arent promising?
Maybe if i opened up more like i do in my journals i would have more to write about. But maybe not, theres not much I dont write in here i guess.
otherthings to write about? Boys...
I'm so sick of my parents (esp. my mom!!) trying to hook me up! Theres this family that ive known forever and they ahve a son a yr older than me and his parents have ALWAYS given not-so-subtle hints about us basically getting married. In the past my parents ahve defended me- or at least did when i was around. But today my dad was joining in and my grandma wanted to take a whole bunch of pics of us together! It drives me absolutely CRAZY. They dont understand... if you want me to be in a relationship that will NEVER work, then yes, you can be all up in my businass. Otherwise, well you may introduce me to someone, but please back off.
By the way... I'm not sayin gthis to hint to anyone specific or anythign. Just venting about the parents.
My mom is crazy. She always picks out these weird looking, or better yet, GAY guys at restaurants or wherever. A few months ago was at PFchangs and she said he looked like johnny depp in his younger days. HECK NO. He was so ugly. Well maybe the guy was nice and all but seriously mom, johnny depp? Maybe she needs another lazer-eye surgery. Check this out.. the last one we were with some fam driving home from Philly when we stopped at a cracker barrell to eat. She was whispering to me very loudly about our waiter being cute or something. Little did she know how untalented she is at deciphering FLAMERS. Yes, I believe he was gay. So I give up on my mom finding my man. She did it for my sister but I'm a very different person with quite opposite taste.
Geeze my brother has some awesome looking friends :) Too bad they're like all taken... and that they're my bro's friends.. that could be weird...

Hey so did you hear that Seal married Heidi Klum? Do you think she'll take his lack of a last name? Heidi ...
My sis and I have been laughing about that. It's sorta lame but I think its funny.

I'm sure theres gotta be more dirt to write about... later.

i love you

SA

starting life

Yay I graduated. Yesterday. It feels sort of weird being graduated even though I've already been out of school for 3 months. Its like during those 3 months was a break and I didnt have to really worry much about anything. But now that we're entering the summer months it means I really have to get serious with my decisions. I'm such a procrastinator... but I'll worry about all that later :)

Someone told me the other day that highschool is the best time of your life. What a letdown. I'm gonna have a really crappy life then.
-I'm not dumb enough to actually believe that. Highschool couldve been really fun. I just didnt put in enough effort to get the "fun" out of it. If I cared then maybe I would feel really regretful right now as I look back. Fortunately for me I dont care.

Oh if you read this and havent heard, I am having a grad party at my house on sunday, june 5th from 2-6p. If you need directions or something call or email.

Welp, I guess thats it. Signing off....
you know it

new york is fun

The Red's won. It was a fun game. I guess this means we should go to more games and maybe they'll start winning.

College update?... Cincinnati Christian UNiversity or Temple Baptist College (could potentially get in for almost nothing bc my grandpa is a trustee)
Sort of feeling uneasy ab. Temple for some reason- maybe bc its so small (150 ppl) and they only use KJV, and they have like 3 or 4 majors. But then again, i have no idea what i will major in so I'm not that picky at this point.

Random: My brain feels like jelly a lot of the time when I think about the future, or anything responsibility related, really. I like to sink into unreality.

I went with some fam to Philadelphia this wkend for my cousins grad party. We went to New york city on friday- it was my first time. I really liked it a lot but we were rushed bc there wasnt much time and so much to see. Some of us also went to downtown Phillly like sat. night like to see the historical stuff. We got lost a few times too and thats always fun. Lost in downtown Philly at night with my dad, sis, and bro-in-law, in a 12 passenger white van with a Boone, KY liscense plate. Ghetto.

Love? Who the heck knows. I dont want to screw anything up.

Have you ever thought about starting a relationship with someone you already know but terrified bc you can see it turning serious so quickly and you woudlnt know how to break it off bc you dont think he's the one for you?
No?
Me neither...

I got my KI pass finally. Publicly announcing to anyone wanting blue ice cream- call me!
-i dont mean to rub it in c.alice. You are the best blue ice cream friend ever and no one could ever take your place :)

Graduation is sunday! STill looking for white shoes- i never wear white shoes. This is craziness.

And thats my update.

I love you


I'll tell you in another world when we are both cats.

thinking of blue ice cream

Graduation is irritating. I've been trying to get my announcements together and sent out and it takes FOREVER.

I need to get a kings island pass soon. LIke within the next 3 days... right.

I must say it over and over again for myself: God is in control. yes, God is in control.
He leads. He teaches. He loves unconditionally.


I miss my friend already.

I love rainstorms!

Hey All... Its been awhile for me on here, i havent been very consistent in writing.
I finally sent in my entire application to CCU last week. I must still apply to Raymond Walters and i guess thats all. We're still working on that whole decision thing though.

Read Blue Like Jazz if you havent already its really a great book..and funny too.

Graduation is sunday, may 29. SUNDAY NIGHT--isnt that so weird? Who has graduation on a sunday night? So I'll probably have my party the next saturday like june 4? I had a party last week with Carol and that was totally fun, and thanks to all that came..we didnt think anyone would show. But i have to have a party for like all the ancient family friends and all too at my house. It'll be fun though. But I dont really want to graduate yet. I like being out of school whne everyone else has to go. There's less traffic everywhere. And less people to run into when I'm at the store or something. But I'm glad summer is almost here. It's almost tan time!

My chrissi alice is leaving sooon... my blue ice cream buddy. I am tempted to sneek in her backseat and travel along. She will be greatly missed. But when she comes back we'll party all the time:)
And yes, cAlice ... it's YOU I'm looking for...
Or I'll just hop on one of my 300 camel fararis with air condition and come visit with my arabic husband.

Anyways, enough of this nonsense that nobody else understands.
It's time to depart... I need to go call someone that has cancer.

Love you.

blue like jazz

"I was wondering the other day why we turn pop figures into idols? I have a theory, of course. I think we have this need to be cool, that there is this undercurrent in society that say some people are cool and some people aren't. And it is very, very important that we are cool. So, when we find somebody who is cool on television or on the radio, we associate ourselves with this person to feel valid oursleves. And the problem I have with this is that we rarely know what the person believes whom we are associating ourselves with. The problem with this is that it indicates there is less value in what people believe, what they stand for; it only matters that they are cool. In other words, who cares what I believe about life, I only care that I am cool. Because in the end, the undercurrent running through culture is not giving people value based upon what they believe and what they are doing to aid society, the undercurrent is deciding their value based upon whether or not they are cool."

-From the book "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller.


"Eminem believes he is a better rapper than other rappers. Profound. Let's all follow Eminem."

be thou my vision

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light

Be Thou my wisdom and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, I, Thy true son
Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one

Riches I heed not nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and Thou only first in my heart
High King of heaven my treasure Thou art

High King of heaven my victory won
My I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's son
Heart of my own heart whatever befall
Still be my vision O Ruler of all


No matter what I do to him or how long I'm away, he's always there and has never moved, it is I that walked away.
He knew I would come back. And he is always faithful to never leave me when I seem hopeless.

so much going on

This is sorta a reminder for me but these are some things coming up...

THIS WEEK:
Friday night (4/29)
-k new's bday party
Saturday (4/30)
- shelley marshall walk (memorial walk for teacher that died a few yrs ago at mason)
-work a merch table at the underground
Sunday (5/1)
-church a.m.
-carwash
-"youth" service (I'm so not singing by myself if youre reading this)
-Grill out

MAY 7- GRADUATION PARTY (email me if you know nothing about it)
(may 9= katies bday)
May 14- Mother/daughter lunch at my gpas church
15-movienight at the oak THE INCREDIBLES
(may 16=mama's bday)
21-22-out of town
23- reds game
28- skillet/kids in the way concert!!!
29- GRADUATION finally


And that pretty much wraps up the month of may. I had to record that somewhere so i dont forget it all.
I've been in a funk lately and i hate it. I'm like feeling the pressure of growing up and reallywanting to neglect any current or future responsibilities having to do with people looking up to me or expecting something from me. It's all very selfish. It will pass. I hope. How great would it be to be 4 or 5 again and have no idea whats going on ever, much less actually care. I would love it. But since I can't do that, for now I'll just drown myself in movies, dreams, anything that can take my mind off the reality of the busyness of life every once in awhile. I love to be off in a "different world", even for hours sometimes. Not recognizing fully who i am or what I'm supposed to be doing or why. Losing all concept of time and having absolutely no care in the world.
I'm sorry if i sound all "purple haze" druggyish. I'm clean, I promise you that.
Anyways, I'll get over it. I just dont remember seeing "crazy" in the job description of being 18.

So yes, changing the subject, busy weekened. Sorta wishing tomorrow wasnt friday already. But I know one person that will be ecstatic when tomorrow, april 29 comes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY K.NEWS!! You are so great.

end.


c.alice i will miss you so much

show the world the real you

We make lists of things we want to accomplish before we die.

I want to have changed someone's life.

so many things

Never reaching what I want to reach
Never being who I want to be
Blaming me when I fall and fail
All my dreams splintering
Under my fingernails

I’m empty, lonely, and accused
Accused without a word
My fingernails are chipping down
From clawing in the dirt
I’m so lost, lost and confused
I threw it all away
How can I be beautiful
When I am so afraid

Never reaching what I want to reach
Never being who I want to be
Blaming me when I fall and fail
All my dreams splintering
Under my fingernails
All my dreams out of reach
Under my fingernails

I watched it all slip through my hands
My brokenness revealed
I’m so proud, I’m so proud
I’m crying to be filled
I’m killing, destroying the plague
That’s killing me away
I’ve got to live, I’ve got to love
Like I am unafraid

Never reaching what I want to reach
Never being who I want to be
Blaming me when I fall and fail
All my dreams splintering
Under my fingernails

All my dreams out of reach
Under my fingernails

I’m wasting, wasting every moment
I want to be tasting
Tasting every moment with you
I’m suffering, I’m bleeding, on my knees
Who’s going to save me?
Suffering, bleeding
Save me from this pit of frailty

Never reaching what I want to reach
Never being who I want to be
Blaming me when I fall and fail
All my dreams splintering
Under my fingernails

All my dreams out of reach
Under my fingernails

Never reaching me


Fingernails-- SKILLET

Cool verses from Ephesians

I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. (Eph 4:1,2)

In your anger do not sin; Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. (4:26)

Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to thier needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (4:29)

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved chldren and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (5:1)

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as chldren of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. (5:8-10)

Be very careful then, how you live- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. (5:15-17)

getting close

Update on college...
I really want to run away whenever this comes up but I can't do it anymore. I'm running out of decision time. And I'm sorry to tell my girls that are pushing me to get out of my house that I most likely will not go away. You can lecture me all you want about independence and college life and I understand totally what you are saying. And the money thing--I shoudlnt worry about it--I know, i know. But i do worry ab. it. And if I stay here and work for at least a year or two, I can save enough money to get a nicer car and have more freedom to like travel or whatever.
So... some options right now are:

Cincinnati Christian University- live on or off campus
Raymond Walters- not most likely anymore
Temple Baptist College- small but it IS an accredited college...I'm still looking into it

Then there's also a mission/discipleship college in HAWAII that's only like 5 months long.

I feel like I'm getting closer to a decision. But I'm still some paperwork away from all of these schools.

We'll see.


"Don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive and go and do that, because what the world needs are people who've come alive." John Eldredge

Come My Way

Hundreds come from everywhere
Just to see your face and touch the healer's hand
Desperate, I push through the crowd
If I could touch your clothes
I could feel your power

Come my way

Please look
And notice me
Just to release my pain
Just to know your name

Come my way

I'm out of touch
I'm out of reach
I've got the faith to believe
Am I out of touch or out of reach
What would it take for you to walk towards me

I'm out of touch, out of reach
But I'm running towards you and it's all I believe

Come my way

Just a touch


By Skillet

random saying of the day..

Could God drink so much secret juice he would get sick?

Happy surprise birthday Cindy!!
I love yoU!


Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday...

isn't this awesome...

___+88________I_LOVE_YOU_!!______!________________________________
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For those of you who think I'm a psyco for taking the time to do that... I didnt.
I actually got if off someone's webpage or something.

Much love...

...

i miss scotty

For Kristyn...

Don't get jaded now
Cause it ain't over
Before you know somehow
we're going to find some closure
I've been unwound
but I won't break
and I have found
it's not too late

So, don't get jaded now
the sun will rise
don't get jaded now
we will survive
don't get jaded now
we're still alive

i'm in need of resurrection
won't you please
bring new direction
cause, all my faith is nearly gone
and i'm so tired of holding on

but, don't get jaded now
the sun will rise
don't get jaded now
we are alive
don't get jaded now
we will survive

And oh it's been great trip
getting here
we all got lost in music
then came fear
and i'm so scared
but i can't be scared

i will make it through
you will make it through
i will make it through
yeah we'll make it through

don't get jaded now
don't get jaded now

i'm not scared
hold on
don't get jaded now the sun will rise

Jaded- Bleach

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
You'll make it through
i love you

HAPPY EASTER

I think I'm finally starting to be able to live life outside of Israel. Like all Ive done sinc eI've gottne back is show people pictures and talk about the trip. Ever since I got back from Israel i feel ive developed alot of cynical feelings about some things about church and certain people. I hated myself for how I've been feeling. Some people can think that way about things and it works for them. It doesnt for me. It completely tears up my head. ANd Ive totlaly been negative on things lately. Like YEC last wkend. Its always fun. but this year i wasnt even that excited. I enjoy the worship there so much every year but its like this year i totally closed myself off from any kind of touch from the spirit. I was numb to the whole thing and i couldnt make myself be real and worship. But its been like that for like a week and a half- not just yec.
Last night my dad was sort of in a bad mood and he blew up at me and said Ive been so negative lately and i never wanna do anything anymore. And its true. I have been like that. And i definitly havent been very pleasent around the fam. So last night i had to have a chat with the heavenly daddy and i thinkj we've worked things out.
I really enjoyed the easter service today. I think its sortof weird how some people only come to church on holidays like easter adn others dont come to church because its easter and theres too many people. But its not about the people. Its about the father. I would think us christians would be excited about easter. But appearantly not all are. You dont have to be so cynical. Not all christians are phony. Look inside them, dont just label everyone.

I love you

praise God for his son.
and his forgiveness.

Israel

Okay here goes the Israel rant...

The ENORMOUS question on everyone's mind is: Am I a changed person from this trip?

I dont know. Am I? Do you think I am? I went to places taht Jesus probably walked and I'm supposed to come back a different person? Maybe I have a better understanding about where and why things happened, but a changed person? I really dont know...

Its so different being there. All of my expectations and images in my mind of how things were supposed to look were soon demolished when they collided with the reality of the busyness and uncertain theories about where things happened. Its just crazy at some places. Take the Via Dolorosa, for example. (Thats the path Christ took before he was crucified.) THis is one place that in my mind was held so sacred. WHen we got there the whole way down the path was trampled with merchants trying to sell things and garbage lining the streets. It was discusting through there. So many people are so excited about hearing what it was like to see where jesus was crucified. I honestly wish I wouldnt have seen it. It really was interesting and all, but I would have rather kept it untouched in my imagination.
And the longer I was there, but not fully wanting to be at the time, I was thinking about how symbolic the busyness was...Its like God planned it that way so we would sort of understand how it was back then...trashy, exploited. Nobody cared. He was just another man to be crucified. They didnt understand.
Its not meant to be seen as a quiet, sacred place. Because thats not how its ever really been. How i saw it was probably a pretty good representation of how it was back in the day.

Many people were also excited that i was going to see the tomb (although there were a few theories ab. which was the real one). Its cool to be there and to see it and all, but it doesnt reallly matter if its real. HE'S NOT THERE. Its so not about any of the places we went to. Its about what happened there and why. One guy said that if God really wanted us to know where jesus was actually crucified and buried then he wouldve given us enough hints in the bible to find out. Again, it doesnt matter where it was, its WHY.

I apologize if nobody is following this.

So maybe I did change how I view things. I can now read stories in the bible and actually visualize where they happened. That is really cool. It makes the bible really come alive for me. It helps me to see these things as actual historical events instead of action packed fairy tales.

I would definitly say Israel was a success. At first when asked if I'd ever go back I replied with a harsh "HECK NO". But being back and thinkgin about all that we experienced, I think I'd ALMOST definitly go back. There is always more to learn. It was a great experience and i wouldnt trade it for anything in the world. I also had awesome girls with me which made it SO much fun. I'll try to post more pics later when i figure it all out..

Peace out


i just want to party all the time

Excuse me

I have been experimenting with the pic thing... i didnt know it was actually going to publish that picture, i didnt mean to do it.
That is a palace carved out of rock in Petra, Jordan..by the way.

The Palace 

Back

I AM alive. When I feel like pouring out my heart I'll let you know.