learning to overcome

Today I went running... yes, outside.. cold with wind blowing me like crazy. I've been running on this track this week at a park on tylersville.. i absolutely love it. Its quiet and serene and its just gorgeous with a huge pond in the middle and hills all around. Its like the only quiet place within the loud business of the mason/westchester area.
I love going there because its like my time to get away and usually i talk to God about the issues going on in my head. I've really been slacking on God-communication the past few months so this week has been refreshing.
So I was walking/running this 1.5 mile track, enjoying the nature around me, talking to God...asking him why I feel like its so hard to hear him. I released more frusterations on the way....
so here's the point of all this..
by the end of the run he was telling me that we will always encounter opposition and trials. Sometimes they will be so freaking hard for us that we feel as though we're gonna get knocked down and never be brought back up. We can either choose to fight through it...using God's strength to help us overcome whatever's against us, or we can give up, lose the fight and feel like crap for it. But if we choose to fight through it, in the end there will be a sweet reward. But we may not see it for awhile. The trials may last a while, seem to die down, then come back full force once again. And we may feel like all our strength and care is gone... thats when we should be desperate for God's help in the situation.. and decide to make it a team effort with Him, instead to fight it out alone and end up giving up. When we fight using God's strength we WILL overcome and grow stronger in the end.

So I'm definitly not saying I'm to that fighting point yet. But I'm sort of working towards it I guess. I'm not really even sure how to fight through everything. So as for now, I've stayed numb to it all so that I dont have to deal with it. I guess if I become smart enough to stay in constant communication with God, he will teach me how I can overcome.



"Goodnight she said, I'm gonna start a revolution. And you can be the start of it, it's in my head"

happy hanukah

So I guess its time for another lame post.
I'm on Christmas break which is awesome. NO MORE FINALS. Until next semester.
Let's see...
We went to the lebanon animal shelter today... so sad.. iwant to take home every animal there. We (lindsay and I) found a dog we love. It was like a golden retriever mix i think, 8 months old named Charlie. How cute is that? I've wanted a dog named that. The reason it was given up was bc he was too hyper... carol and anyone else around judah can vouch that any puppy has a ton of energy. Its sad that those people couldnt just train him. We also walked by the kittens and there was one named Josh... haha..how weird is that? Who takes a kitten home like "hmm... I think I'll name this one Josh.. sounds like a great cat name." Linz and I decided I would be a good cat owner... hmm..
Movies: I went to see Dick and Jane today.. pretty funny. I love Jim Carrey.
Though I would have to say that Just Friends was probably the funniest movie I've seen all year, so far. Or close to it at least.
Music: I'm still totally into Eisley. They just have this mesmerizing sound that I cant get away from. I'm in love.
Issues: Still there, I just choose to ignore them. Maybe not even choose... it just happens because I'm not exactly sure what to do. But actually... I THANK GOD for what we've all been going through because so many people are growing and finding themselves through all of this. And I think we've all grown as friends too. I'm so blessed to have such awesome friends.

So christmas is almost here. I think the "Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays" rivalry thing is fading. I called Walmart the other day to ask about something and the lady said "Merry Christmas, this is walmart, how can I help you?" My mom said they probably have to say it now because of all the boycotts. But whatever... that issue is dying down I think.. Lets face it people.. whether people say merry christmas or not.. it still doesnt mean they understnad the meaning of christmas. So shouldnt we be more focused on showing them the meaning, instead of attacking them for what they say? I'm done.. theres been too much said about this issue already..

so MERRY CHRISTMAS. Happy Birthday Jesus (who's actual birth most likely wasnt the 25th of december.. )
Lets celebrate his birthday by putting small lights around a pine tree, eating a lot of junk food, and giving eachother gifts :)
so where the heck did we get santa and pine trees? Jesus...santa...trees...i dont really see an obvious connection here.

I'm growing bored.


i still can't resist the jimmy fallon

update

i guess its been awhile since I've written anything worth reading. Not that I can really say this will be either. So saturday was my birthday-yay- I'm a year older than last year. And yet, I still feel 16. So how did my day go? Well I woke up saturday at 430am with an unsettled stomach, walked to the bathroom and puked. 5am went back to sleep. 7am woke up to go to work. worked from 8-12. Met ashley for lunch later. watched some of upright citizens brigade (I love amy poehler). Went to dinner at carabbas with the fam(+)bretts new gal. Went to see narnia and just friends later with fam(-)the parents(+)some of bretts friends. Narnia was slow... but good. Just friends was just as hilarious the 2nd time around (which i had seen just the day before). Birthdays just arent that much fun anymore. Well I dont mean that... i mean they arent a big deal. But i really appreciate all of my friends and fam that contributed to my bday this weekend. Even if you didnt, I love you SO MUCH! thanks for being my friend :) Ummm... well thats all i feel like expressing. I LOVE YOU LOVE YOU!! party all the time :)

random convo of the day...

REPENT:
Me: I have bitter feelings toward a friend.
God: I have a perfect operational record.
Me: Oh really?
God: Yes, of course.
Me: That’s awesome.
God: Who is the best robot?
Me: The terminator?
God: I can’t believe you think the terminator is better than God.
Me: God is not a robot.



http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

**

it hurts to be so foolish

I did it.

There was no communication and an awkward gap in the friendship... so I emailed him wiht my thoughts...which is what i thought was a good idea at the time. I figured that was the closest I could do to rekindling any kind of friendship...
it didnt work out.
I think i just made things worse.
My venting probably sounded more like an attack to him...
I was reading in Proverbs this week and read "wise men keep their mouths shut" (my own translation).. I shouldve done that. It wouldve stayed an unspoken quarrel for who knows how long.. but thast probably better than how it is now.. and stupid me got someone else involved by just a mention of his name...again Im sorry.. it has nothing at all to do with you.

I'm sorry for being incredibly vague here.. but i know some of you know what im talking about ... and for the others.. be glad you dont.
Its all senseless drama.

I'm so sick of talking about it. But at the same time... I'm desperate to share my thoughts.

Why did i have to open my mouth? Ive told people many times.. oh im totally over it and i dont even care if we're friends anymore.. which i realy dont care.. but id rather things be unspoken than having one party so incredibly irate, cursing my name to others.
It hurts to be hated. But i know its my fault.

God, I know youre in control... bring peace on this situation. It'll take a MIRACLE to work things out.


what if all of it is my fault?

the introvert syndrome

So you want to understand me?...

http://www.jonathanrauch.com/jrauch_articles/caring_for_your_introvert/


and all this time I thought something was wrong with me...
***

"A Christian is someone that doesn’t understand everything about life, but holds on to the faith that they have to get through the doubt"

rundowntown

I was told to journal my Georgia journey this week...

Tuesday: we (mom,dad, i) left the 'nati around8:30a, arrived at our destination in georgia around 5p. We met the gparents at hotel and went to eat at macaroni grill. They used to live here like 12 years ago and my grandma hadnt seen her sister since then... and she got to spend 3 days with her before we got there. They had sucha great time together.
highlight of tuesday: my gma fell in love with our 17-18 year old waiter from mac grill- ha.. she got his addressso that she can write him or something? I wouldnt doubt if she and g-pa send him money to go to culinary school. Oh g-parents. They are too funny.
Wednesday: we visited my g-mas cousin and uncle (who is 90-something) and other family. It was such a great reunion. (I had never met them before). It had been over 40 years since my g-ma had seen her uncle! Then we went to see where my g-pa grew up and its funny because he still remembered his way around those parts... its been years since hes been back.
Thursday: thanksgiving at my dad's cousins house... saw more of his couisns and their parents (my g-mas sister and hub). The outlets opened at midnight so of course me, my bro and the only 2 cousins there our age took advantage of that one. But it was so incredibly packed! Gap had like an hour wait line and there was like no room to move. Absolutely craziness.. but fun.. we got back to the hotel around 3:30a.
Friday: pretty much the same as thursday, hung out at my dads cousins house. Good homemade ice cream!
Saturday: woke at 430a to take the g-parents to the airport and start our journey home. We got back around 3-something pm.

And thats that.

I'm glad to be home. I've been looking forward to this week to be over bc its like i havent had a not-busy wekend since... well since school started i guess. And this weekend i have NO plans.. yet... but if i make some at least it will be something i want to do.. something relaxing for sure.

I'm really missing my girls. we HAVE to get together soon! So to reiterate... CAROL AND CHERYL.. you have to provide some dates taht would suit you best and we'll go from there... cuz you all seem to be the busiest.. in a few weeks we'll have christmas break so that frees up a lot of time for some of us that would have to worry about school nonsense. So yes... girls night.. i have been craving one for awhile. lets do this :)

life is... good. To end on a cheezy "thanksgiving" note... I am so incredibly thankful for my beautiful, loving family, and absolutely wonderful friends.

you're loved..i hope you know it.



"Yes.. i have a craving for puttin some bees in my mouth"

the thirst is taking over

"This season has been a time where my soul has been searching among a parched land. Every attempt has been exhausted by life's stripping circumstance. But through the uniting of our passions God has consumed my heart with an abundance of water. I know that until i worship and fall humbly before the lord most God I will stay forever thirsty. The Lord quenches our lack of with the pressing desires He writes on the tablets of our heart. Jeremiah 33:3 says, 'Call to me and I will answer you and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.' I had never truly grasped how to love the Lord, beyond my taught expression, until now that God is leading me to the Promised Land. From the world's lens our passion seems crazy and somewhat impossible, but from the lens of the Lord our passion is divine and is ordained. Today, I was reading in Psalm 71:20 and it says, 'You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again.'"


A friend of mine (well, my brother's female "friend") blogged this recently... I just felt the need to share... like maybe it would speak to somebody reading this.
Because it spoke to me.

I really love you all more than you know.


From the world's lens our passion seems crazy and somewhat impossible, but from the lens of the Lord our passion is divine and ordained.

lights will guide you home

So…. I have been genuine-blog absent for awhile. A lot has been going on. My grandparents from Colorado are in town. That’s been really good to see them. They used to live in the nasty ‘nat but havent been back for 6 years. We went to visit them 2 years ago in Denver.
God has such great timing. Although things have been quite busy around here this is like the most perfect time for them to be here…there has been a lot of negative things on my mind lately that have to do with…things… and with my adorable grandparents here I havent thought about this junk nearly as much as I probably would have if they weren’t here.

I’ll be 19 next month. Yes, this is apparently a reminder of how much older most of you are than me. SURPRISE!! I’m not really your age! I’ll be 19 and I still feel 16 in many ways. I think I always will. This has definitely been the most challenging year of my life..spiritually speaking. I’ve had a lot of questions…a lot of doubt… a freaking yacht load of cynicism (yes, more so than normal). And at times I would agree that “innocence is bliss”. But in the end, I guess all the not knowing and confusion pays off. Maybe I’m not to that “pay off” point yet, but I know its down the road there somewhere.
So my biggest question the past few days is ..what is YOUR definition of spiritual awakening? Those two words have been plaguing my mind for days. I don’t know what it is… oh wait,, yes I do.
One said they were thankful for the spiritual awakening that was upon us…as I am still waiting for it to happen. Is it happening and I’m neglecting to see it? Is it just in this person’s life and not mine at this moment in time?

PERCEPTION

That’s a scary thing. We are all made differently and we naturally have different perceptions of things. I’m so glad that God is a genius and knows what he’s doing. I wish I knew what was going on. But again, he knows what he’s doing and apparently feels it best not to let me in on the “whys” of things right now. I’ve been praying for peace and I think he’s giving it to me a little at a time.. Slowly.. But its coming.


This goes out to a faithful few...

"Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way--in all your speaking and in all your knowledge-- because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful."
--1 Corinthians 1:4-9

love you buddy

my heart speaks before I know what it will say

Some thoughts I composed on paper earlier today...



There is certain music that stirs up something deep inside me to write. But I'm not satisfied with my writing so it gets very frustrating. Why?

God, I so badly want to be a writer. A writer with a purpose.

What is my purpose?

I want to be a photographer.
I want to capture those priceless, innocent moments on film.

I want to keep those breathtaking sunsets, seascapes with me forever

everywhere I go.

I want to be a constantly humbled servant for You.

I want to serve somewhere other than here.

I feel so confined here.

Like I think I know what people think of me and define myself as that. By being paralyzed and crippled by what I think others are thinking of me I forbid myself to live out my full potential.

I forget who I really am and adopt something

or someone else as my own.

I feel so confined here. “Here” as being many things…

including certain areas of my own mind

or even at this school..

this church..

this life.

We were all made for something much greater. That is why we so often times feel so dissatisfied with times in our lives. We just have to find what that “greater” thing is for each of us.

I want to help people.

But how can I do that while feeling so helpless myself?

I always feel as though I can’t and will never have what it takes to fulfill my dreams, my passions. But many of them I believe are also

God’s passions within me.

So why would he put these desires in my heart if I couldnt act on them? You are right, He wouldn’t. Its just times like these I need a big smack across the face and a wrench to open my ears and listen to my own advice. And of course, advice of others.

I want to be a poet.

But I cant find the words to paint the pictures that are inside my head.

I want to be free… from the box I have put myself in.
I want to be responsible enough to make my own decisions.
I want to be positive in those decisions.

I want to feel the peace of God there.

Peace that passes all understanding.

“I don’t want to feel as though my life were sojourn any longer. That philosophy cannot

be true which so paints it. It is time now that I begin to live.”

*Henry David Thoreau

she most likely doesn't read this, but....

HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY LINDSAY MARIE!!

ahhh I'm emotional

“My Lord God,
I have no idea where I’m going. [Or what I’m doing.]

I do not see the road ahead of me
Nor do I really know myself,
And the fact that I think I am following your will
Does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
Does in fact please you.

And I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,
You will lead me by the right road
Though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always.
Though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
And you will never leave me to face my struggles alone.”




i guess its not appropriate to blog my true feelings aside from this, so I'll keep it in.


frusteration is the word of the month

"tomorrow your life might change completely, tomorrow you may experience the world in a whole new light, tomorrow things might just remain the same, but one thing is for sure we never know what tomorrow might bring..."

i think i have experienced the world in a whole new light


i love you buddy

i hate when people die

So I just found out that this guy (Jamie) that was like part of our family died this morning. He was 35 years old and had downsyndrome. He was the one of the sweetest people I've ever known. He always hugged everyone whenever he came around... he tried to play guitar and sing (he just strummed and we couldnt really understand what he was saying..but it was funny). He absolutely adored my mom. My parents went to see him last night because they hadnt in awhile and my mom said he seemed fine..like he wasnt even sick at all... showing them around the home.. introducing friends. Then my mom gets a call this morning from my grandpa (he takes care of Jamie's grandma) saying that Jamie had a seizure early this morning and died. I am absolutely shocked... this has really hit me harder than i thought it would. His grandma is really old-- she's the one that basically took care of him when he wasnt in the home cuz both his parents died when he was younger. I dont think she'll live very long now bc he was her life. His funeral is friday and I'll probbaly skip my 11am class to go. I hate funerals. i hate death.
But he has a new body now.. no more downsyndrome.

On a not-depressing note... this week should be good... good meaning better than last week. Last thurs i took my english midterm and tomorrow I'm going in for a 5 min conference with the prof... so i dont have to be there till 11:45.. which rocks my world. Unless i go to chapel at 10. And I dont have class thursday bc he will still have conferences. I'm excited. I'm not exactly fond of that class.
And I get to go to prayer meeting wednesday- bc the kid i babysit for will be out of town.
My ACTS midterm is wednesday.. sorta scared. But i think i will do well.
Then the funeral friday, hayride saturday, helping out with movie night sunday (if yall need it), and halloween is already monday!
This is random but my grandpaernts are coming in for thanksgiving on nov. 7! I havent seen them in like 2 years. And we are all going to georgia for thanksgivng to see other family. Should be fun.
I hope you enjoyed my update.
love you.


i want a bee beard

restless

There's a burning in my heart everyday
I come to you
I look to you and say
When will I become everything
that you've intended me to be
I'm beating at my chest everyday
I run to you
I come to you and say
When will I become everything
that you've intended me to be
I am so tired, I am so beaten
From walking down the road of shattered dreams
I am so lonely I am so broken

Won't you come

won't you rescue me

I am so tired
I am so tired

[I'll be the light inside of you and won't let go of you]

Come rescue me

won't you come, won't you come

I'm calling out your name
_________________________________________________________________________

So recently I've been feeling like WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING WITH MY LIFE? Yes, I'm going to school. But am I gonna stay here and major in some sort of missions? or transfer and major in something else that I could actually fall back on if I didnt do anything missions-related. I mean..you dont HAVE to have a degree to be in the ministry but you do have to have one to be able to do anything else worth making a living from. I like this school and all but is this where I'm supposed to be? And how much longer will i be able to drive this everyday? And i really cant afford to live anywhere else right now with my low income. Sometimes I just feel like there are other things I should be doing than this. But what?
I begin to feel stagnant in life and my walk and have this thought to just rebel or something. But who am I kidding... the worst I would rebel is to like get another piercing... oooohhhh... i know.. thatd realy be a shocker. So becuase of my lack of rebelious side I become desperate and (A) either let myself go crazy (it has happened before)... or (B) throw myself back into the arms of my loving God who i know is always there..here..everywhere..just waiting for me to come back.
I hate that I'm constantly disappointing Him because I tear myself down all the time and dont have faith in myself to do things... and all the time he is getting frusterated with me because he has so much confidence in me that I dont see. He knows what I can do and has chosen me to follow him because He has faith in me.
So what kind of a loser am i to have such low self-confidence sometimes when He is right next to me screaming "I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT".


"We must make our lives extraordinary"

drowning for a second

The start of a new week.

.....Midterms.....Speeches. .........Papers.....

Needless to say I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed.
Its sucks being such a procrastinator.

Semester half way over.

Thank God.



when will I become what you've intended me to be?
translation:: what the heck am i supposed to do with my life?

my evening...

I babysat my neighbor tonight for the 2nd time. He's 7 years old and his parents are divorced- he lives with his mom, dad lives in Colorado. Well we were watching a movie and his dad called. They talked about what Luke did at school for like 15 min then the convo changed. Luke said something to his dad about him yelling at his mom on the phone and how he shouldnt do that. They went on in this conversation for like 40 min about his dad not respecting his mom bc he yells at her and calls her bad names (as Luke said "the B.I. word"). Luke told him over and over to "not say mean things to her. It hurts her and me. If you're going to say mean things then shut your mouth and dont say a word. If you call her, only say nice things becuase thats why you call to talk to someone. Promise you wont say any mean things anymore." It was so strange. For about 40 minutes i forgot that i was babysitting a 7 year old. He sounded like an adult talking to another adult. He was telling his father to be respectful and nice, never to say anythign mean or yell...things he probably even learned from his dad. It just broke my heart. I wanted to take away the phone and scream "JUST LISTEN TO YOUR KID!!" Towards the end of the convo he started breaking down so he went upstair but i could still hear him talking. He was getting so frusterated bc his father was apparently trying to explain why he yelled (bc his mom said mean things too) and justify it. But all Luke could say is "but you dont have to say mean things to her!" What a great son.. trying to help his parents and all his dad sees is him attacking him. My heart goes out to this family. I think its been 2 years since the divorce. Both parents are dating others. I saw tonight how hard it really is on this kid. He is the mediator for his parents and it shouldnt be like that. He didnt ask to be in the middle of it all. Please pray for Luke and his parents. Mom is Sandy.. dont know Dads name. Thanks.

i wanna get my ears pierced

amy poehler
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

First of all I want to start out saying how excited I am that saturday night live is on right now... I'm such a dork and totally obsessed with this show!!

amy peohler is my hero.

I've seemed to be pretty busy lately. But good busy I guess. School isn't too stressful yet or anything, although I do have mid-terms coming up in a few weeks.
Tonight was fun.. i took my cousin out for her birthday.. we didnt really end up doing what I planned but we went to rave and saw the Corpse Bride (eh.. it was no Nightmare Before Christmas...) and In Her Shoes-- which was pretty cute. I ate so much junk food plus like a whole Mr. Pib soda.. which I NEVER drink soda.. so I'm feeling pretty sick right now. i sorta wish I'd just throw it up and get it over with. But thats what i get for eating so dang much. But what was cool was when we were leaving the first movie.. someone left their large popcorn tub thing so we took it and got a free refill of popcorn! How flippin sweet is that? A free large popcorn! But we only ate like a 10th of it bc it was so huge.

I really need to get back in the word. I've totally been slacking lately bc its like for school I have to study Acts and parts of the bible so it doesnt seem as essential to have that quiet time. But I know I need to be fitting it in my schedule-- which is so stupid to say because really.. if I do it as much as i should be .. i really should be planning my other time around quiet time.. bc thats so much more important than everything else. But do i do that? Heck no..
I have been reading Velvet Elvis by ROb Bell.. definitly would recommend it. I havent yet finished Understanding God's Will.. (yes friends, I am a slacker).. but when I finish Velvet Elvis i have Searching For God Knows What.. then I'll probably read the God's WIll book entirely over again.. then maybe Blue Like Jazz bc thats probably my favorite so far..
now that you know my reading schedule for the next five years I guess i can sign off now...

for weekend update.. I'm sarah...
goodnight and have a pleasent tomorrow :)

**

311

Go to my profile and click on the audio clip.

You like?

I wish it would just play whenever my page comes up..

Anyway.. i love you

peace out

death cab cuties and missing teeth

In the midst of paper writing.. needing to take a break...

i really love Death Cab right now.. Ive listened to them nonstop for 5 days. Its great. And theyre playing in my head right now as I speak.

So how is school going Sarah?
Its going well, thanks. Thankfully I havent gotten too sick of the drive yet. Probably partially becuase I only do it like 4 days a week (thanks j&kt). And I usually never have traffic becuase I'm on my way there before it starts and I'm out by 12 everyday. I really love my class on Acts. Its by far the most work of any class and does get boring sometimes but I'm really learning a lot and actually enjoying doing it! I absolutely love that I can say I love a class I have.

So after class today I went to Panera in springdale and had my first eating at a restaurant by myself experience. I ate outside so it wasnt as weird i guess. I also did some acts homework--reading part of acts. It was quite relaxing and a beautiful day to sit outside. And there was this little girl a few tables down that was trying to feed a bird some bread. It was the cutest thing ever. She finally learned to just throw the bread and the bird went over, grabbed it and flew away and she started screaming, "Mommy!...the birdie ate my bread!" Oh...so adorable. Probably the highlight of my day.
So after my lunch, I then preceded to walk next door to family christian where i bought 2 books: Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell and Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. I'm excited to read them. I just have to get myself back into "reading mode".

I better stop procrastinating this paper... but first I'll leave you with this random quote of the weekend:
"Its okay...I won't bite..I left my teeth in the car"

**

** what the carp?!

so...the weeks have been flying by. But then again, not quick enough. i cant wait for christmas break already. I cant believe I will be 19 this year. Compared to most of yall thats pretty young but that seems so old to me-- considering i STILL feel like I'm 16.
We went boating yesterday. Youre welcome for the wipeout tubing show (to those of you that were there and witnessed my skill in flying)... it hurts today though. My neck..arms..BUTT. I'm not complaining though.. it sure was fun. But youall lied to me (well, Kati) Jimmy fallon wasnt there. Thats why i really couldnt water ski.
I was CLose... but definitly NO cigar.
I love you all. GOodnight my loves.

*********************
^ ladies.... (remember)^

suicidal cats and new york friends

So this morning as I was out for my regular Tuesday jog :) (Kati you have inspired me!) I was on my way home and I saw a suicidal cat laying directly in the middle of the road. As I passed by I tried to call it over to me but considering I dont care much for cats I didnt try all that hard. Well it moved like 30 seconds after i went by and didnt end up getting hit by any cars... it was just funny to see a cat laying in the middle of the road.
My project for my ACTS class is finally over!! I stressed so much about it and I didnt even feel like I had a weekend bc all I did was work on and edit that stupid [8 page] paper! But the work is never over.. and I'm not complaining... it IS college and i expect it.... well tomorrow I have to do a three minute or less commercial about something in my public speaking class. I am such a procrastinator-- i still have no idea what I'm going to say... i was given the idea of pimp juice (you know it) by someone.. and although it is quite a brilliant idea, I believe I will decline bc I dont have any here and i dont feel like going to get some. Lazy, yes I know.
I watched the Wedding Date last night.. and despite bad reviews I've heard from people recently I really liked it! I thought it was really cute- especially with that main dude. And I loved the soundtrack..
I feel like I'm starting to sound like a 10 year old girl on here...

My friend Maygen... who most of you knew... moved to New York to go to FIT (fashion school...you guess it) and I was talking to her the other day online and here was the conversation...she makes me laugh:) I love my new york friend...

mayann005: okay get ready for this
mayann005: last night i was laying in my bed watching tv..i look over at the wall above my bed and a huge literally one of the biggest bugs i have ever seen...but yea a cock roach on my wall
mayann005: it was horrible
Sabeth22: ha... what did you do?
mayann005: screamed and ran out in the hall..then started panicing then crying...like my whole floor was in my room looking for it but it ran off some where so they were convinced it was gone
mayann005: so i finally after about 45 minutes or so went back in my room
mayann005: and i was on my comp and my roomie is like don't scream but its back..so i run down the hall to get these girls who are like roach killing pres and they come in and killed it
Sabeth22: well at least its dead
mayann005: yea
mayann005: but there are more in the walls i just hope no more come to our room

That was such a typical maygen thing to say... so funny i miss her alot

peace

sunsets in Israel

Mediterranean Sea
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

So this is probably my favorite picture that I've ever taken. It doesn't look real. I figured it be appropriate to post a pic from the Israel journey considering those memories have been taking up much of my thoughts lately. Being at this school I am constantly reminded of the Israel trip. I have a class on Acts and the Bible Lands, I always run into people that went with us... I love it but then again I hate it because it only fuels my painful desire to go back... and I know that it will be a long while before I ever get taht chance again (or IF I ever do..)
So...not much else on in my mind except school recently... and when to schedule my cousin's wedding shower.
I dont think my sister is moving to Georgia any time soon,.. at least thats the last word I got about it. I'm so glad.
I can't wait to find an apartment or something low in cost close to school! I'm already getting sick of driving...not a good sign.
Alright. Now I'm starting to feel as though I'm writing just to fill up space... goodnight all.

is this really happening?

So I was listening to this song and it reminded me of everything going on in the world right now-- as far as the war halfway across the world, and the devastation in the southern states and all those people going crazy, hoping that this is all a dream... not wanting to believe that they're fully awake and actually going through this hell. I feel like I'm watching a horrible movie everytime I turn on the tv. It's not real to me because I don't have direct contact to anyone involved there, and I can't even begin to comprehend that amount of destruction or pain.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

I can't believe the news today
I can't close my eyes and make it go away.
How long, how long must we sing this song?
How long, how long?
'Cos tonight
We can be as one, tonight.

Broken bottles under children's feet
Bodies strewn across the dead-end street.
But I won't heed the battle call
It puts my back up, puts my back up against the wall.

Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Oh, let's go.

And the battle's just begun
There's many lost, but tell me who has won?
The trenches dug within our hearts
And mothers, children, brothers, sisters
Torn apart.

Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.

How long, how long must we sing this song?
How long, how long?
'Cos tonight
We can be as one, tonight.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.

Wipe the tears from your eyes
Wipe your tears away.
I'll wipe your tears away.
I'll wipe your tears away.
I'll wipe your bloodshot eyes.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Sunday, bloody Sunday.

And it's true we are immune
When fact is fiction and TV reality.
And today the millions cry
We eat and drink while tomorrow they die.
The real battle just begun
To claim the victory Jesus won
On...

Sunday, bloody Sunday
Sunday, bloody Sunday..

i love bed...and weekends

“Maybe Jimmy Fallon will come to town riding a white horse and just happen to come to your door (randomly) and invite you to a grand party being held in his honor and you were the lucky winner. Then you would fall in love and get married and have little funny babies.”

Isn't this the greatest random quote of all time?! I love it. I have to admit something… of course I think james fallon is absolutely adorable and hilarious but im really not as obsessed as I may come off…

Anyone planning on going to the fireworks downtown?! I want to go! Cb1,2,3? let me know!

So you know how annoying traffic is, right? Well today I was driving on 71 north from the norwood area and traffic was way backed up… bumper to bumper… so I was thinking.. 330 on a Friday.. Rush hour of course. Well we sort of started moving and like 15 minutes of driving about 5 mph we pass an accident that happened on THE OTHER SIDE of the highway median.. Going 71 south. As soon as we passed it the cars started moving and getting abck up to regular speed. I was stunned by the genius’ that cant recognize an accident, think about it for 5 seconds, and keep driving at a normal speed. Traffic was backed up for miles bc of an accidnet NOT on our side of the highway!! WOW. It always amazes me at how many people cannot multi-task.--or even DRIVE.
Alright self.. don’t get your panties all in a wad…
I’m back..
I don’t want to talk about school anymore.

I’m sad that my sis is moving to Atlanta.. I don’t know when yet but it will be a very hard change for me. And I know she’s gonna get pregnant as soon as they move and I will be irate. I guess that will mean ill just have to move with them if that happens…I mean, how could they both work AND take care of a child at the same time? They would need a live in nanny.. And I wouldn’t trust anyone else but family to do it… okay im thinking WAYY far in advance.

I feel loopy today. That would proably explain my randomness except for that’s not really an explanation. I don’t really know why. Maybe its from hanging out with those freaks that live in the bushes outside Katie’s house… I better cancel our get together later then…

i am mostly recovered

So yesterday I wrote a really long post and I went to publish it and it redirected me elsewhere and I couldn’t get back… losing everything I had just written. I was mildly irate. (or more than mildly… as you can tell from the past post).
School’s been good. Today in public speaking class I had to tell about a personal experience and a lesson I learned. I talked some about Israel. I really couldn’t think of anything else at the time.
I’m already sick of the thought of homework… I just look at the syllabus, roll my eyes, and groan. I haven’t had too much yet, but again, its only the 2nd week of these classes.
I went to Chapel last Thursday. I really liked it actually- I didn’t know if I would. The worship was awesome and I really enjoyed hearing our school president speak.
Friends? I’ve met some. Its strange bc usually I make more guy friends than girls when I’m in a new place.. But I can handle guys more than girls usually - as far as drama… girls are CRAZY (well, if its different if its MY girls, or new girl friends… cuz I’d rather have MY GIRLS over any guys any day-- for now at least J )
I really like this school. Its different being in a christian school, having teachers pray for us before each class.. That is CRAZINESS! But I love it. The drive really isn’t killing me either
Oh, by the way… so I changed the title of this blog… any comments? That is a line from a song by Superchick (Katie posted the lyrics from that song recently.) The song really applies to me right now… cuz all this time I’ve been stressing about college and where I’m supposed to be and it just feels so right, right now. I’m not positive I’ll stay at this school for all of my college education, but for now it just fits, and feels good.
I’m still deciding if I like title and if I will keep..

Thanks again kati for letting me stay with you these past 2 weeks! Its been fun.. And convenient!
Homework party….you know it.

i love you all

i hate blog

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH>>>>>
I could just scream at this stupid blog thing that loves to find ways to erase my entry before it publishes!!!!!!!!!

if it was a person i'd punch him.

what's goin down

So.... I feel its been awhile since I've posted anything actually worth it. Ive just been really busy lately and I hate it. If the prayer room wasnt this past week I think I wouldve gone insane by now with having no time for anything... but the prayer room has provided that quiet time required to keep me from absolutely losing it this week. I started my first regular schedule of classes today.... Acts of the Apostles, Bible Lands and Lifeways (Bond girls- i dont have Mark Zeise... i was bummed :) who am i gonna share my snickers with now?) Public speaking, and tomorrow I have english. So today i heard a few times how youre never supposed to take acts and bible lands in the same semester. Oh poop... oh well im not gonna drop or change anything now. I'll get through it. I'm sure I'll break down a few times throughout the semester (its to be expected) but it'll be fine.... all things must come to an end, right? An end which is 3-4 months away...sigh..... Ive barely started and I'm already dreading. Today was just somewhat---no, highly overwhelming. I hate how almost all professors start off by going through the entire syllabus... it makes me feel really anxious and stressed out bc of all the assignments, projects and tests that are to come... I'd rather skip all taht nonsense and just start the class and find out all that later when its completely necessary. What else is going on?...... well I've really enjoyed the prayer room this week. I can be entirely stressed or worried about somethign and walk into that room and feel the spirit overcome me with this peace that is just so great and unexplainable. I go through stages that I feel... i always want to say "a burden" for certain people... but its not a burden... its just compassion..? and empathy i guess. I go through stages with certain people. So some have been on my mind a lot lately, its like i see their needs and passions and hurt with them when they dont succeed at things theyve tried so hard on, it gets tiring sometimes to think like that. I try not to- its just in my nature, i guess, to sense thigns like that about people and get emotionally involved for them (or with them, without them really knowing it i guess) ...........wow I'm at katies right now and its like 1130 and there are people standing right outside the window i am next to having really loud conversation about bars in new york and getting wasted or something. They sound pretty trashed as it is...I'm glad im not trying to sleep bc id be a lot more irritated. Poor katie... i hope she is heavily asleep by now..............so people on my mind...praying alot for them lately..oh right, things on my mind.. my cousin is getting married in november and i am the maid of honor so i really need to get on this shower planning thing. I honestly dont want this responsibility of planning this shower... she has a whole lot of fam on her other side, I can see my life getting progressively busier from now on... maybe I am just being selfish. But Im also not totally excited bc I'm not so fond of her situation. Her fiance is cool and everything (no one else in my extended fam likes him- they dont think hes right for her) but he lives in florida and as soon as they marry they are moving there (she lives in northern ohio)..so its a long distance relationship and they havent even had the experience of living remotely close to see if they will get sick of eachother or anythign. I just dont see how this is a fairytale... all i can see is her moving there, missing her mom, missing her friends, missing how much fiance made over her before they were married, and just feeling so alone bc she is in florida- so far away from everyone and everything she knows!! But maybe he wont stop all the good things he's been doing for her. And it IS florida... the beach?! Heck yes! IN conclusion, its a little hard for me to plan thigns for the weddign when I'm not totally into the correct mindset of her even getting married right now (she'll be 19 in november). I have been praying about this, though.. that thier relationship before marriage wont be solely based on the physical aspect, and that God would speak to both of them about whether this is right or not... please pray with me about all this! The wedding is november 19. Alright.. if i have any else to blab i'll let you know.... goodnight my lovelies!

you dont know me

I'm so annoyed right now with my 9 annonymous commments from stupid spam people from the last entry. So I blocked annonymous users-- sorry adam.. and anyone else that remains annonymous. i just cant handle all that crap... i was built up to believe I had 9 comments from my brilliant friends but was shot down as soon as the page came up. Wow...im really making a huge deal out of this arent i?! Sorry... its just more than slightly irritating.


im not totally ready to open my head at this time
.peace.out.

"I wish to lie low before God, as in the dust; that I might be nothing, and that God might be all, that I might become as a little child."

just chillen

So I've been trying to think of a new name for this stupid thing. My title (Who's the Genius that named it a blog?) Is pretty lame. So if theres like a theme to all my madness or something that you think would be a good new title please let me know! I would love some feedback on this.

Peace out*

stories and naptime

so school is going well i guess. Its really boring to sit in the same chair for so long but the class itself is really interesting. Except yesterday when we had to learn about the eye and different cells in the body. I dont think i did very well on taht test today-- which really shouldnt be that bad bc he curves his tests... but one guy said he only missed one question which will decrease the effect of the curve. blast. So needless to say I really need to go study-- tomorrow is our last day and I think the test is 100 questions over all we've learned so far- which hasnt been a whole lot i must say. There was a lot more i was looking forward to learning in this class. But as the guy is talking about a subject he used stories and examples to help us out... which then lead to more stories off of that and eventually he tries to tie it all back together which doesnt always work out. Its funny, but we are not near where we are supposed to be. I think there are like 8 chapters we are supposed to learn about and today we finished chapter 4. I dont know if he's gonna give a test in the morning, teach all day, then give us another test at the end? I guess i'll find out. He's so funny though, and totally not concerned about time at all. This is supposed to start at 830 and go till 4 or 430p, with a lunch break in the middle and a few other breaks in between. Tues and Wed he gave us 2 hour lunch breaks and today we got done at lunch bc he has another class later to prepare for. This is the benefit of having a professor that has taught for a long time-- they dont care as much. But he is a good teacher and really captures my attention with all his stories and great examples. So yes i was out at 12 today, ate lunch at school and came back to katie's. She doesnt get home till 4ish so I'm just chillen -- maybe nap time? And of course LONG study time today. blast...i hate studying.
Overall its been a good week. At tiems I wish i would be living in the dorms but then again, I'm glad I'm not. They dont have airconditioning, it smells like pee as soon as you walk in the main doors... I'm just spoiled i guess. Its great that school is 35 min from me bc my dad is forced to get used to me driving more and hopefully wont be on my back as much when i want to go somewhere that isnt MASON (oh God forbid!) or in that general vicinity.

Yeah, nap sounds good... peace out.

the dreaded first day

So I went to bed at 11p last night-- crazy proud of myself! Had to wake up at 8 so I got like 9 hrs! Its been years since thats happened. Well actually I didnt sleep that much bc of apparent anticipation, which I didnt realize I had. Got to school a little early for my 10a class. It was boring, funny, tiring, interesting... all at different moments. The chairs were gorgeously uncomfortable and there was no way to prevent that. But I am really interested in psychology and I was tuned in a lot more than i expected myself to be for that amount of time. I'm excited to learn this stuff but not excited about being in school. Yes I konw......."college is so much different than highschool!" and I believe you. But without living on campus I know i wont get as close to these people and dont try ot talk me into right now I'm not moving anywhere just yet. Its like $6000 more than I'm paying now. I have no loans right now and I'd like to keep it that way. I'd really like to eventually rent an apartment somehwere semi-close to the school. Maybe even somewhere halfway between here and there. We got done around 430 today. Tomorrows class starts at 830. The professor showed us the agenda for the week and we have 12 chapters to cover by the end on fridya. What did we get to today? NOt even all the way through ch.1. For like the first 1 or 2 hours he talked about what we would be covering this week. He gets on stories a lot of times that cause him to lose track of time. I dont think we'll get through all 12 but it doesnt really matter a whole lot. I need to get in bed early tonight-- tomorrow will be a very early morning to beat traffic. peace out.

skillet inspired emotional release

It's eating me away

Save me from my rage and my humanity

I need a reason to breathe- its you

Come save me

you are what my soul needs

the thirst is taking over

i need to taste it

you are the one real thing

speak and my heart aches

reach and the numbness dims

you're the one truth i know

when my heart is weak will you rescue me

will you be there when I'm falling down

can I run to you

Will my pain release at your mercy seat

when your love comes down i can rest my eyes

your power is flooding through my life

your love is coming down

Come my way

will you be there as i grow cold

Humble me

I want to touch the healer's hem

Desperate

if I could touch your clothes

I could feel your

Power

come my way, Jesus

please look and notice me

just to ease pain

just to know your name

Am I out of touch or reach

I've got faith to believe

what would it take for you to walk towards me

I'm running to you

help me to know you more

I want to see your face

I feel locked in a cage

come my way

just a touch

your love is so deep for us

so vast beyond all measure

it was my sin

that held you there

your dying breath brought me life

why should i gain from

your reward

your wounds paid my ransom

Thank You.

Angels fell down at the glory and beauty of the Lord

I fall down

afraid and shaking here

the hurt and broken rest at your feet

I cry to know you

Nothing could prepare me for you

I'll be safe with you

Something deep inside keeps my faith alive

When all i can do is hide from the fear

thats deep inside

something to hold me close when I dont know

how long i can hold on

"YOU CAN FIND ME ANYWHERE. TAKE A LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER AND I'LL BE STANDING THERE."

I want you to be my obsession

I'm going crazy

Never reaching what i want to reach

never being who i want to be

blaiming me when i fall and fail

all my dreams out of reach under my fingernails

can i trade in my perfections

tears falling down again

come let the healing begin.........

mixed emotions

Sometimes I think about the pros of not having close friends..... it wouldnt hurt as bad when they leave. But then again, I wouldn't have those great hilarious stories to write.

music and messages

So I went to see coldplay tonight at riverbend. It was really cool. I have never been to a concert there before....definitly an experience. Contrary to beliefs from some that said it would be a nice nap time.... it was a GREAT concert. But I love coldplay so of course it was cool. There arent many groups these days that sound good in concert-- they sounded as good or better than on cd. They bring in such a diverse crowd. It was crazy. But awesome. And we saw some limos pulling out beside us on the way out...I swear it was Gwyneth paltrow (chris martin--lead singer-'s wife) and daughter apple. So that was cool too. It was great to be able to spend time with my brother. he is such a great guy, and brother. We got to talk a lot tonight about many different things. I love spending time with him. He actually bought me this coldplay ticket for graduation. Of any of my family or friends, he was probably the best person to go with to this concert. It was a lot of fun.

Off topic....
I hate how people put God in a box. It's frusterating. Like those people that say,"God hates fags and everyone that supports them". Also the old school preachers that are so strict on the way they live... this pastor guy is speaking a few days this week at my Gpa's church for their revival. I went last night and he's just so....i dont even know.... for example... He mentioned that years ago he went to take his children to the pool. He got there and realized how bad it was for him to be there with half dressed women, and how atrocious it was for men and women to be swimming in the same pool together.... it was just craziness. What was he thinking it would be like on the way to the pool? Everyone wearing baptism robes? Come on now... its a pool!! Anyways, he said that they left immediately and never went back. I understand that people have different limits. But temptations for some people are nothing for others. How can you tell people to not wear bathing suits in front of others or to swim with the opposite sex? That may be your problem...but dont start judging others bc its a problem for you. He also said something about this guy that got saved at his friend's church had long hair and his cheek pierced and they thought he should cut his hair and take out the earring after he got saved. Whats wrong with long hair? Jesus had long hair! I know we are living in a much different society than Jesus, but still... just bc a male has long hair, or a person has piercings or looks dirty, doesnt mean they are a bad person, or havent fully committed their life to christ. It just makes me mad how some people judge others. I know this preacher has a great heart and just wants to help people get on the right track... but help them get on the RIGHT track.... not YOURS. Is he a better christian than me becuase he doesnt ever listen to secular or "rock" music and goes to church on sunday nights? I'm sorry... just listening to him last night got me a lot more than a little fired up. I just hate when people restrict God. Remember HE's the one that got in trouble for hangin out with the sinners! Do you think he shied away from people bc of the way they looked or acted? Did he look down on them because they were gamblers or slept around or had lots of earrings? Heck no he didnt! He loves all of his people so much. And he welcomes us all with open arms into his presence. ESPECIALLY the ones that some may deem as unworthy. I am SO unworthy of his love, yet so precious in HIS sight. And that I know as a fact. I could not live without knowing about Christ's unfathomable love for me. He is so great... someday I will learn to not take his love so much for granted. I didnt mean to preach a sermon... thats just been on my heart a lot lately. I love you all... goodnight my lovelies!!

just avoid it and maybe it will go away

Life's been good. My chrissi is home! That is something to celebrate!! I am thrilled-- even if it's only for a few days/weeks more. You never know what this crazy girl is going to do next :)

I think i have an admirer. I find myself thinking of ways to say or do horrible things to lose his respect so that he wont have romantic feelings for me and we can all move on with our lives normally... then I have to hit myself for even thinking of wanting to lose someone's respect bc thats just craziness to even think. But its almost like I'd rather lose his respect than go through the whole drama thing and come out not friends. So far there has been nothing vocal, on his part. I sincerely hope there wont be any so we dont have to deal with hurt feelings and whatnot. I hate drama, and I hate going through this. Again I am pushing. I think he feels that i am. But this isnt me making excuses bc I'm afriad or anything-- i'm really just not interested this time. How can you be someone's friend wihtout fueling their admiration of you? I feel like that sounded really conceited... I'm sorry, but really.. what do you do?

This is the basis on which my shirt "I dont want to be your girlfriend" stands. I dont want to deal with the drama. Its my way of saying "back off now so i dont have to tell you later" when more is at stake to lose.

Thats all for now.

I'm glad to be drama free...most of the time

Another hot summer day. It's really been great hasn't it?! Kings Island today... blue ice cream... mmmmmm.. I love it.
By the way Cheryl-- rain check on that. Nextweek?

So i mentioned me and ash made shirts a few days ago. Hers said (not surprisingly) "Parents for sale, buy one get one free" mine said [front]"I dont want to be your girlfriend" [back]"Lets just be friends" I was excited bc i thought i was a genius (except i cant leave katie out... the back was her idea) and wanted to show it off so i wore it to wet n wild (youth pool party/bible study) and thought it was such a great idea at the time. But the longer i was there, the more i thought about how horrible it was that i was wearing this shirt with this comment on it, which i had personally made. I realized someone may have thought it was directed towards them or inspired by them or something. So, If you were there (and are a guy) and thought it was about you, i'm sorry, but it totally wasnt. It wasnt for anyone in particular. Its just a shirt that i thought was clever. And i still think it is, and I'll still wear it. I just will be more thoughtful about where i wear it and around who next time.

Making shirts was alot of fun though... I think i will do it again soon. I already have a new idea! It's a fun one too, of course. Maybe next time we have a party it wont be tye dying but making shirts with iron on letters! Or BOTH!! Tye dye and iron ons!!! Oh wow, excitement overload!! Super cool idea, yes, i know. You are very welcome. Me and ash decided they would make great gifts too. It's just too bad the letters cost so much for one freakin pack.

I'm not anti-boy... I love Jimmy Fallon :)
Its inevitable. One day we will fall in love. You dont believe me? Fine... i cant wait to photograph youre jealous face when we dont invite you to the wedding.

things

I made funny shirts with ashley today. It makes me laugh bc I am so great at it.

My mouth is almost 100% healed!!

2 weeks till school...

i need some blue ice cream

Oh how I hate keeping secrets!!! But I will for now:)


i loveyou

YOU KNOW IT

day 3

i still a bit puffy and sore. but dont look near as much like a chipmonk as yesterday (nobody has gotten any blackmail pics... haha suckers!) I have gotten my fair share of movie time in.. has been fun. Hopefully tomorrow I can get out of the house for some time... I am feeling a bit cabin feeverish but I refuse to leave the house looking like my face has gained 20 lbs. I cant wait till i can chew food again!.. im too swollen to shut my mouth all the way.
anyways... enough of that.. i feel like im being a baby when i write about this... its really not a big deal.

jesus horses... haha.. i love it

check this out you napoleon fans...
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/napoleon

Day 2 of recovery

I know you all have been absolutely DYING to hear from me. So yesterday I went in around 11 to get my teeth out. The laughing gas was fun.. a little bit after they put it on me they asked if i felt funny and i said no.. but as i said it i slurred and sort of laughed so they knew it was working just fine. Apparently I was tougher than they expected.. when the doctor put the IV in my arm i was still pretty alert and i felt it but it just felt like a little pinch- the doctor was like "you could've at least said ouch". I tried to keep my eyes focused on the light overhead but they kept gliding up and down... I dont fully recall when i slipped into dream land but it was a nice sleep... i have to say i enjoyed it. I think i woke up a little before they were done becasue i remember hearing them talking and pressure in my mouth but it didnt hurt bc i was so numb. Most stories I've heard from people theyve said how they didnt remember walking to the recovery room or even gettnig home.. i was really alert the whole time. The only part that is semi fuzy was when i first stepped off of the surgery bed thing but i remember being helped into the recovery room and sitting there while i tried to stay awake and keep my body from trembling- i wasnt cold, i just shake sometiems for reasons unknown. It was a little difficult to walk to the car but a lady did try to help. And of course I got to experience the entertainment of my mom and others watch me attempt to eat ice cream as it ran down my numb face. Thanks again to ash mason who left flowers for me as i arrived home! They are so colorful and pretty! (and for visiting me later). And also Jimi and Ty for bringing me BLUE ICE CREAM! and some movies. I half expected for nobody to really bring me ice cream bc of course it would melt before you got here (although it wasnt fully melted and tasted as great as ever!) But the little girl inside me was screaming "Oh PLEASE bring me blue ice cream! You'll be my best friend for ever!" So thanks guys! I wasnt really that swollen yesterday.. it got worse as the night progressed. I have to take like 3 kinds of meds. I woke up like 6 times last night.. i HATE not being able to sleep! I thought id sleep till like at least11 or 12. But i got up for the last time around 9 i think. Today has gone by fast so far... a large bag of ice has lived on my cheeks for the past 2 days- it makes it feel a ton better.. and today i look like a chipmonk bc i have swelled so much. Some of the meds im taking is for swelling but it doesnt seem to be workng so far. So if anyone was still wondering... NO i wont be at prayer meeting tonight and NO you cant invite the whole church over here for prayer meeting jimi... I pretty much look like death and id be afraid theyd come over and conduct a funeral instead of prayer meeting.
Hopefully my face gets back to normal before sunday! I cant sing looking or FEELING like this!
Ive been off the couch for far too long now.. its calling me back along with my bag of ice...
I love you!
peace out

Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

I'm a sucker for jimmy fallon... how adorable is he though?! man, I'm such a girl!
So tomorrow I'm losing all my wisdom... in tooth form. I'm not so scared anymore.. I'm just excited to get to eat ice cream all day! ANd of course I'll squeeze in some time for some cheezy 80s movies... and perhaps the Incredibles- i havent seen it entirely.
Switching gears-- I was talking to a friend the other night about relationships... I again realized how noncommital I can be and that I'm scared. I'm such a psychoanalyist of why people do and think the way they do.. and I try to do it a lot to myself...which is a lot harder than doing it to otehrs. Well I thought about my take on relationships and how I act when there is a potential one staring me in the face. What do I do? I sometimes try out one date, hesistate, then jet. Before I even let there be a chance of a relationship I think about how it would be to get out of it... how I would break it off/who would get hurt... assuming it wouldnt last long. My analysis skills arent working too well in helping me understand why I do that. Why not just try it out? I immediately think of how to not hurt that person when i break it off. Isn't that weird? I'm trying to work on that... anyone have any observations of my behavior theyd like to share that may help in piecing this togeter? Or just any comments?

Chrissi- i love you.. everyone does. At least come visit us for a few weeks to get a boost of positive energy before you move again. I'm sorry you are hurting.

I'll let you all know how the teeth thing works out. I'm goin under around 11a. Think about me!

I LOVE YOU ALL.. you know it:)

Carol... where have you been?

passing time

what time is it: 12am
whats your full name: sarah beth ralston
color pants are you wearing right now: black comfy pants
what are you listening to: cars outside and shouting people
birthday: december 10
your age: 18
how many siblings: 1 bro, 1 sis, many non-blood siblings
favorite color: red
shirt color you wear most often: black
last thing you ate: choco chip cookie dough
if you were a crayon which color would you be: burgundy
last person you spoke to on the phone: my cousin emily
choice of drink: a mix of grape and apple juice
do you wear contacts/glasses? contacts, yes
are you a morning or night person: definitly night
favorite season: beginning of summer or winter only if its snowing
favorite snack: ice cream (blueberry from KI)
last movie you watched: mrs. doubtfire on tv
what do you do to vent anger: cry and/or write

at what age were you first married: age 10... it was a beautful wedding with about 10 guests but we had to make it short because recess was only 30 minutes long

... sadly the marriage didnt last... that scandalis boy gave his football jersey to some 8 year old tramp the very next day... i was pissed... all that time primping for him, making those stupid bouquets out of paper... stupid boys

first childhood memory: when we lived in colorado i was about 3 or 4... my mom used to babysit this terrible little girl that would eat crayons, put my moms contacts down the drain, pee on the floor, pour food on her head.... i remember this very vividly, she was insane

hugs or kisses: both
chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
favorite candybar: snickers... good memories
funniest person you know: my dad... by far

when's the last time you cried: a few days ago

what is under your bed: everything
what are you afraid of: losing people close to me, getting murdered
favorite car: dark green, w/black top convertible mazda miati
favorite flower: those recieved from friends or family
favorite day of the week: saturday
favorite tv show: saturday night live, the nanny, regis and kelly
favorite/most memorable trip: Israel with my girls
favorite thing to do: take pictures, travel, have deep conversations/reminecse with friends
how many years at your current job: 1.5
how many states have you lived in? 2- colorado and ohio
how many cities: 6
how many piercings have you had: 5
the secret place you wish to travel someday: bolivia to visit my world vision child Moises
what you like most about yourself: my friends, and sarcasm is fun sometimes
what you like least: my indecisiveness, lack of desire to commit
worst pet-peeve: when people are outside your house YELLING or LAUGHING at 12:30AM...MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE TO SLEEP... excuse me... (I cant ever go to sleep this early anyway)
how long it took you to do this: like 30 minutes- i get distracted
why did you take the time to do this: because I'm an idiot
do you wish for people to respond? I dont really care

just breathe

some things have been frusterating me lately. I'm not sure how to get out of it. But breathing is a nice start.

I'm gettng my wisdom teeth taken out on tuesday (so for anyone from church: i wont be there tues or wed night). I am sort of nervous because i have never been put to sleep or been hospitalized before. And I'm afraid I'll feel the holes in my mouth and get sick.
If anyone goes to Kings island tues, wed or thurs, and happen to accidentally pick up an extra blue ice cream and take a detour by my house, and maybe you run out of gas or something adn have to stop, i guess i would take that extra blue icecream off your hands. You know, just if it were to happen. I could use more 80s movies recommendations bc ill probably go to the library and stock up on some for my three day sabbatical. It will be nice, though, to have an excuse to do nothing for three days but sleep, watch movies and eat icecream... and hang out with YOU!

My girls: My sis and her hub will be out of town this weekend so I am "dog sitting" and staying at her house (to get a break from my own). So if anyone would like to come hang out like friday night that would be pretty flippin great! And I GUESS i could provide some food and fun for ya. Just let me know. They also have a community pool that is open 24 hrs so I'll probably be getting in some nice late night swim time.

see yall on the flipp


Random quote from Jimmy Fallon on SNL's weekend update: "This week, Georgia’s board of education approved a plan that allows teachers to keep using the word 'Evolution' when teaching biology. Though, as a compromise, dinosaurs are now called 'Jesus Horses.'"


I love this song, its gorgeous: http://www.carolinaclassical.com/articles/debussyclairdelune.html

my girls!

friends2
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

I love this picture!! It's from my graduation party... they look so cute and happy! But there is someone missing in this picture...my other sister-- please come visit before you make another move!!
I only have 4 weeks left of summer! What am I to do? Lots of laying out hopefully... unless it rains. Wow today was like the most clumsy day ever for me. I spilled a lot of stuff at work and spent some tedious hours picking up and sorting these stupid brackets, then at dinner i was trying to cut something adn i ended up flinging a piece of chicken towards myself- getting the side of my white shirt dirty and leaving a mess on the floor. And as I was trying to wipe it off with some water a waitress ran into my arm... its been crazy. But its one of those days I really dont get upset or anything... its jus been like.. wahtever. So yea... I'm going to bed.

What is your favorite line from a movie and why?

ccu

hello beautiful people! Yesterday I went to Cincinnati Bible college for freshman registration. YES that is where I finally decided to go. Hallelujah-- I dont have to worry about that decision anymore (unless I decide to switch next semester or next year). I was actually dreading registration for some reason. But it was okay. I am still alive. So I got to see some of the school, met some cool people, and signed up for classes. ANd I saw some people that I iwent to Israel with (Natalie, Erin-who is moving quite soon, and Dr. Weber, aka BILL). I decided to take an early fall freshman class which will start August 15- psychology. I'm excited about that class actually. It's a 5 day class for like 8 hours a day, and when the week is over I'm finished with the class and will have bagged 3 credit hours. So then i am only taking 4 classes throughout the semeseter instead of 5. I am half excited about starting school, partly nervous/anxious, and the rest of me is dreading getting up early and having to do work. Mon/Wed/Fri my class starts at 8AM. This being in Price Hill + traffic = me leaving my house around 630-45 to make it there on time. It wil definitly be rough the first few weeks but i'll get over it. I'll have to teach myself how to get in bed early. What wil save me though is having class at 11 on Tues/Thurs. Mon/Wed/FRi I am taking Bible Lands, Acts of the Apostles, and Public Speaking. Tues/Thurs i just have english. I dont think it wil be a very difficult semester. I HAVE declared a major!... its... undecided:) syke... so no, i havent decided on a major just yet. I did have to mark one on the paper on saturday so i put urban ministry. When I initially thought about that major i think i thought it only had ot do with different countries, but actually its just any inner city/urban area...whether it be downtown philly or urban areas in Jamaica. You never know... i may end up keeping that major.. .i'll leave you in suspense...along with myself.
I feel good about school. I'm just not excited about the drive everyday- not that im going to get shot or anything, just that my car will break down or something crazy. But i will be getting a lot more driving experience so my parents will have no choice but to let go a little bit more in that area of my life.
What else is really cool about that day? We were talking to the financial lady about everyhting and my mom had already set up a payment plan a month ago with whoever we have to pay, and we were planning on paying around 4800 for the semester (which isnt bad at all).. well we got talking to the lady and I had another scholarship come in that I didnt know about and we found out in total i recieved around 4100 in scolarships!! Which means we only have to pay 700.something this semester! WE were in shock and my mom has been telling everyone we've talked to about it...she's so excited. Now maybe I can start saving up more for a new car instead of so much towards college. Its so great.. by the way.. if anyone knows of any good cars for sale (Preferably low milage) around $5-8000 please let meknow! My car right now has over 152,000 miles.
I realized today how much of a mission my workplace is. My boss is Jewish. The 4 ladies working there (including me) are christians (well i know for a fact that 3 are). There is so much drama that goes on in that office though sometimes, i could just rip out my hair and scream. Its not like open fights though, its the talking behind peoples backs. And these women (other than my mom) one is in their late 50s and one is 60something. I just cant stand it sometimes. I feel like its my job to show him my witness. I am the only one there that he hasnt seen the bad side to. He knows what my family stands for, he's been around us long enough to know...which almost just makes it more frusterating bc we have known him so long and he has never changed. I just feel like its our mission there to get this man and his wife saved before he retires or I quit. I dont know how it will happen, but LORD i pray it does. He is so prideful though, and set in his ways. He takes so much pride in the things he has, what he has worked for. (This guy's like a millionaire). Partof me wants to just say it will never happen... but that is having no faith in the miracles of GOd. Please pray for this man and his wife- Edward and Sandy Desatnik. Today I just felt God place him on my heart. I WILL have faith that God will totally change this man!!

Ive been tryin gto get back into reading my bible and prayng more. It's been hard sometimes. I just dont have that desire so much anymore. I get so frusterated about things sometimes and Ive been confused about alot of certain things lately and I dont know how to pray for some things any more. But this verse brings me comfort when I feel liek that...
"We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

...especially like with the college stuff... i stopped praying about it becuase i didnt know what to pray for anymore. I had been praying so long for God to lead and I just didnt hear or feel anything from it towards any direction... then people say i shouldnt pray for Gods will becuase maybe I am supposed to make this decision on my own. It still is frusterating but at least taht part is over. I believe that the spirit prayed for me in this bc i couldnt and that without him the financial stuff wouldnt have worked out as well as it did. PRAISE GOD.

I love you all so much.

quiz

Here's a dumb quiz I made for anyone who is willing
CLICK on the link to start some fun...http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=050712231522-241615

my jesus

This is the amazing song Bethany sang at church today...
(written by Todd Agnew)


Which Jesus do you follow
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Why do you look so much like the world?

My Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
orbless me with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sands

My Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

My Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be

My Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
I think He'd prefer Vine Street to the stained glass crowd
But I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus

Not a posterchild for American prosperity,
but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity

I want to be like my Jesus but
I'm not sure what that means to be like you Jesus
Cause you said to live like you, love like you but
then you died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?

Like my Jesus

success

Wow, this morning's service was such a blessing to me. For those who dont know, Jeff was out of town therefore Jimi got to preach. Many of us were worried about the number of people that would be there, and how the praise team/band would do. But I didnt recognize any faults we had on the priase team. It all sounded pretty good to me. In first service there were probably about 15-20 people. I have to say i was a bit disappointed. About 2 songs into the worship time it just hit me... I just felt overwhelmed with the holy spirit and its like i didnt even notice anymore how many people we had or that not many of them were singing. It just felt like the spirit was all in that place and taht was the real reason for our worship. I havent felt that good in awhile. So the worship time was great. Next the sermon. I love jimi and his sense of humor. He's not afraid to say anything either. I was warned about his sermon being a bit edgy. At the beginning i felt that way but it realy wasnt like that as he got into it. It was all just truth. The Spirit definitly took over and used Jimi. I got a lot out of it and i believe its what we all needed to hear. I hope it spoke to the hearts of the people today and put them in their place. It did me.
Thanks Jimi for speaking. And thank you Jesus for the message.

Today, my friends, was definitly a success. I haven't felt Jesus like that in a long time. It really doesnt matter how many people come or what they have to say, its all about The Man and praising him for everything he is and does. I'm so tired of negative people in church that complain about everything. It's like they are just trying to get attention. It's NOT about them at all! If they would only look into the eyes of my Jesus and see HIM.

And that was my revelation.

Random quote of the day...

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW OLD A BROTHA IS... HE IS ALWAYS CUT!!

Actually that's from like 2 weeks ago (KHO).


***If you can guess who said it you'll get... more love from me!

independence day

This wkend has been busy. But fun. Starting off from friday... the brats I had to babysit werent too bad really. We actually had fun... jumping on the trampoline.
KY was fun with my bond sisters. Got to meet a LOT of family. And ride and bathe a horse. Judah was restless as usual- the whole time. But after awhile you learn to get used to her-- and her gorgeous eyes. That dog has everyone trained... she bites me and claws till i pretty much bleed, then one lick on the cheek and sparkle in her eye and she's back in my heart. Man I'm a sucker.

Today was a pretty good day. I awoke at a decent hour, ate some breakfast, put some grad party picutes in albums, went to see Bewitched with the fam, then off to blueash for fireworks. It was a pretty good show- every year it gets a little greater.
I think i was the only one that really liked bewitched. I wouldnt say it was all that funny but it was so cute. I love nicole kidman and think will farrel is hilarious, and bewitched is like my favorite old show. So that, to me, was a pretty darn good mixture.

Speaking of movies, I'm totally excited about Charlie and the choco factory! Johnny Depp is a little creepy looking but I'm sure it'll be great.

I love you.
see yall on the flipp side...

memory verse for the week?
DELIGHT YOURSELF IN THE LORD AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART.
Psalm 37:4

austin

austin
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

I LOVE this kid! He knows his race car drivers. (He's 3)

bros

bros
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

My brothers

friends

friends
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

I DO have friends!

hannah2

hannah2
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

My cousin's baby, Hannah. She's so adorable!

katie

katie
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

beautiful KT!

saparty

saparty
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

saparty2

saparty2
Originally uploaded by SarahBeth.

i miss you!

horsies!

This has been a pretty busy week since I've gotten back from KHO. But I've enjoyed it. Needless to say I havent found much down time to write you all. I am getting ready to go babysit for some boys... I'm sorry I cant say they came from angels... we'll see how it goes tonight. Hopefully I wont get too flusterated.
This wkend I am tagging along with my Bond sisters to KY... we get to ride horsies!! I am so excited... it's been years since I've ridden a horse. And of course seeing the bond parents will be great. They are so funny sometimes... like watching a sitcom :)
Sorry chrissi-- Im not trying to rub it in! I wish you were going too... it willl be sad without you. But yes, we are leaving tonight and i think arriving back sunday afternoon/evening.
My uncle is having a big bday party sunday evening... he's turning 40 and wants comfort during this time. I dont have much really to talk about.. I have new pictures to post! They are from my grad party(s). Fun! So I'll go get to that...

love you all!
I'll see [some of] you soon!

SA

i hate computers

I just poured my heart out in a long post about KHO and other junk and it all erased before my eyes.... a little frusterating to put it lightly.
So here I attempt again...

KHo was a lot of fun and I wish we were still there. It was a lot of hard work but i expected it bc we went 2 years ago. I cant say i was so totally excited to work on a roof in 100 degree weather, sweating like my face was a foucet. But i didnt not like working. It was such a great feeling knowing what we were doing for these people that couldnt afford it and how much they appreciated it. Thank God nobody got seriously hurt or fell off any roofs. I did get over a thousand splinters but I will heal. Last week took a lot of patience though. Last time I was here I was a sophomore in HS so i was sort of in the middle of the age groups. This year I was one of the oldest. It was weird. The youngest in our group was 12. She was pretty clumsy and all over the place and at the start of the week i was really irritated. BUt throughout the week I realized that she is only 12 and has a lot of growing up to do... but dont we all. And I really liked her by the end bc she was so funny.
Before coming I kept comparing this camp to the one we went to 2 years ago. Then we had like 15 girls and this year we had 5. But I loved it. The girls taht came were probably the group with the least amount of drama that could have come. We had a lot of fun and had some good discussionns. We used the video camera to heighten our entertainment at times. Pimp juice is goood.
Whenever I go to kho or 24God I fall in love.. with the people, the places, the Spirit, the ministry, the feeling. SOme were trying to convince me (its not that hard to) that i should apply to be a kho intern next year. How awesome would that be! A whole summer of ministry and hard work! I ran taht IDEA by my mom today and she shot it down. The interns get about 35cents an hour i think. But its not about the money at all! Its about the ministry. I get so frusterated with my mom sometimes... she is so closed minded. Her thinking is that i should stay home next summer, get a job (she;s thinking the one i have right now, with her) and save up money for college and a possibly a car. I understand her thinking, but i would like her to be a little more open. Who cares about the money! I am finally starting to have faith that money will come if and when i need it. We talked about college too and it comes up frequently about me possibly taking a semester offf (NEXT semester) if mission trips work out or whatever and she hates the idea. Education is the MOST important thing. I understand taht, but at the same time I am thinking i can always go to college, i cant always travel and do what i want. I usually realize it is dumb to argue over this stufff so early and end the discussion...it will come back up later in life if it comes to it.
So KHO... I didnt have any major revelations or anything. But it did help me in seeing the sincerety of people's faith. Over the past few months I have become very cynical about things and noticed how fake people are in their spiritual walks and it really discouraged me. Its like i went through a spiritual depression or something. I didnt know how to pray anymore, i had little or no desire to read the word and i didnt know how to get out of the rut i had dug myself. I am now learning peace and my bitterness is deteriorating. Peace has come more this week than i realized until i got home. Peace about friends moving, some college stuff, bitterness. Its such a great feeling. I didnt even pray for it. It just came. God knows me in and out and sent peace at just the right time.
College... Ive taken some advice and breathed. I am going to CCU... urban ministry major? I dont know if I'll stay there 4 years, but I'll take my time and see how 1st semester goes.
My dad mentioned yestereday that he doesnt like the idea of me making that drive downtown so much but he has to let go sometime. My mom really doenst mind the drive... she says not to worry about him, he'll get over it. But whast cool is my grandparents knew this older gentlemen that lived in price hill but he passed away last year leaving this lady, that my gparents watch over, his house. (The cool part...) Its a 2 story house with a rentable apt for the top level that needs a lot of work, but its a nice house and my sister adn her hub are thinking about buying it! That would solve a lot bc i could stay with them throughout the week and not have to drive so far to school when the semester starts up! Yes it is a very selfish motive of mine for them to buy this house. Otherwise I dont want them to move bc right now they only live 5 minutes away.
And Cheryl, if youralls house sells maybe you could rent out the top apt if my sis buys that house! It is 2 bedroom...
I live in a fairytale world...

We'll see how all that goes.

MEMORY VERSE FOR THE WEEK:

Proverbs 26:11
As dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.